This morning I woke up with the word,
presence, upon my heart. It was an intense moment. Full of
questions. Full of hunger. Full of desire.
I woke up this morning with pictures of
people I know and faces of friends floating through my memory. I
woke up with pictures of events traveling through my heart and
filling it with life and appreciation. I woke up this morning with
the presence of the Lord filling the room.
“Lo I am with you always, even until
the end of the age...”
“When two or three of you are
gathered, there I am in your midst.”
I will never leave you... I will never
forsake you
I woke up this morning hungry for the
presence of God. And began my litany of questions to our Father.
“What does it look like to have you
with me ALWAYS? ”
“What does it mean?” “What does
it look like?” “How can I more readily participate in this
reality?” You, O Lord, are not conjured up like some cheap
magician's trick or some emotional charade put upon a crowd by a
charletin. You are that You are. And your promises speak forth that
you will never leave, you will never forsake, you are with us always,
you are in our midst.
So that reality, the Lord God of the
Universe in the midst of His people, is a staggering one to fathom.
BUT what does IT look like? Is it the
picture of the baby Jesus in Bethlehem? The Christ on the cross? The
Lord standing in front of an angry mob wanting to stone a girl? The
Father parting the waters of the Red Sea? The presence of Jesus, the
reality of His life turned water into wine, cleansed the leper, cast
out demons, healed the sick, proclaimed hope to those in need and the
list of what it looks like goes on and on and on...
How then do I live my life?
What does the reality of Christ never
leaving and never forsaking, of being with us always look like and
how does that then revolutionize the way I live?
Besides pondering the reality of
presence, I woke up this morning with pictures of people I love
filling out my memories. Gratitude arose and life coursed through my
frame. I understood the connection that God was making. I am richer
for being in the company of friends. I am richer when encircled with
individuals that shine forth in their lives and actions the
embodiment of Christ. IN those moments He is with me, in those
moments He surrounds me … Not just in those moments but they
certainly provide a place, an orientation …
But what about those that don't have
the wealth of community to surround them? What about those who
aren't surrounded by the richness of loved ones? What then?
A comment was just made to me by a
recent acquaintance, that they didn't have a family like I did, and
they didn't have friends like I did and their conclusion was that I
couldn't understand where it was that their life had brought them.
My thoughts in that moment weren't what
I thought they would have been, I would have thought I would share
about having run away from everything I had ever known, trying to
escape it all, to land my life into a psych hospital only to be
encountered by a visitation of Christ.
I wanted to say I did understand. I
wanted to say I understood more than she realized.
But in those moments what welled up
inside of me was the reality that He hadn't left me alone, that He
hadn't abandoned me, that He hadn't forsaken me.. that He had pursued
me all the days of my life and He had laid out a path for me and that
His presence was always wooing me towards Himself and His love... He
was always calling out to me...
While grateful for all He has done and
acknowledging it with awe and reverence, I paused and a solemn moment
filled out my being. In those moments when there wasn't family, when
there weren't friends, when no one on the face of the earth even knew
where I was, when I was alone wandering the cold wintery night of a
February decades ago ... so very long ago, so very alone... I
wasn't alone. I wasn't alone when the hands of men would rip through
my frame and wrought their harm, I wasn't alone when harm befell my
days, I wasn't alone when alcohol had so saturated my being that
charcoal was being administrated, I wasn't ever alone... I wasn't
alone when I aborted our child, I wasn't alone when I swallowed a
bottle of pills, I wasn't alone when I drove off, I wasn't alone when
the past screamed in with rage and blew apart my world... I WASN'T
ever … EVER alone...
When I made my bed in sheol He was
there... When I was supposedly hidden in darkness the darkness was as
light to Him...
He is with the child in the garbage
heap, He is with the drunkard waking up on a park bench, He is with
the beaten and the downtrodden... He is with the CEO on the top of
the sky rise.. He is with the suburban mother weighed down by babies
and car pools, and He is with the orphaned child whose eyes have seen
too much war...
He is with me as I go into a Target, He
is with me as I fix dinner, He is with me as I sleep and when I
arise, He is with me when I do whatever I do wherever I do it...
THE REALITY TRULY IS, LO I AM WITH YOU
….. ALWAYS! Are we looking? Do we want Him to always be with us?
How would our lives look if we acknowledged the fact that His promise
is He is with us....
Yes, could I say that I am surrounded
by people who show me Christ in more ways then I could ever recount
to them, Could I ever fully adequately express my gratitude both to
God and each individual for loving me so well.... Do I realize how
thoroughly I am surrounded by the grace of Heaven? Do we? Do we
comprehend the incredible reality that Christ is with us wherever we
go? That I am always overshadowed by a God who is passionate for me?
That I am never left alone?
The “whys” and “the how come
thens” surface upon the heart and the accusations can easily
flow... He could do this and He could do that and why didn't He and
if He can't here then He is impotent. Accusations against the
faithfulness of the living God course through the human soul and rage
war at understanding...
This isn't the place for theology and I
am not the one to answer those questions and the answers I would give
you wouldn't suffice.... I have gone to town with the Lord... I
have sat and sat and sat and placed before Him these questions.. form
your own and walk intimately with Him, who never leaves and never
forsakes and who is with you even until the end of the age...
Lord when at thirteen I thought I was
pregnant with someone's child who I shouldn't have ever encountered
sexually where were you?
Lord when beaten and bruised and left
for dead where were you?
Lord when miscarriage after miscarriage
flowed through my family where were you?
Lord when death touched our family
where were you?
Lord when men believed they could do
anything and did do anything upon my person where were you?
Lord when hungry and cold and afraid
where were you?
I have the answers to those
questions... I do.... It is well with my soul... I want you to
discover it to be well with yours...
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