This season has been truly
interesting.... a season that has held within its days moments where
I have shared portions of my life that either no one before had ever
heard or only a small handful.... a season that within its moments
held for us after seventeen years of parenting a new and frightening
road.... a season that married the two and in only ways that our
Lord can do and has brought me forward and changed and strengthened me even
though feeling so very tired and weak I am amazed...
There have been so many obstacles …
so many deep breaths... so many not so deep breaths and then
realizing that I must remind myself to breathe … But amidst all
that has gone on I have at times through presenting emotions
remembered other times....
He spoke so softly and gently but
clearly... “it is time ..” and I knew what it was that He was
saying...
I realize that there are portions of my
story that help others... help those struggling and help those that
love them... and there are places while I am willing to go anywhere
that I am not as excited to travel... but I have seen recently how
all those places are just mines waiting for the person that needs
those nuggets and I am willing for the Lord to extract....
Recently in Massachusetts I shared some
stories that only my husband and a few close friends were aware of
….. I write these things realizing that there are those of you who
will not understand how I could ever have done such things... I can
appreciate that and I am grateful that your mind and life can not
understand.... I am not being sarcastic... not one bit... I am
grateful... but then these stories are not for you.... for those of
you that have touched desperate places... mental illness....
depression.. abuse... or walked alongside those that have these next
stories are for you...... and my prayer is that you would find
comfort... we are called to comfort those with the comfort we
ourselves have received and I am seeing that emerge all the more in
this season...
So a bit of a back story for those of
you that are new to this blog … there are some initial posts that
spend more time on this portion of my life.... but suffice it to say
there was abuse... one result was that I grew up a very talented
liar.. manipulator... lacking a conscience... not feeling remorse...
how I lived was in survival mode... day by day .. sometimes minute
by minute.. sometimes barely …
Having grown up and gotten saved I
walked with the Lord and yet coping mechanisms and ways of living
during stress were undeveloped... grateful to know God I leaned on
working for Him and being busy as a new escape... getting importance
and self worth through all that I could do... not really focusing on
how much practical life skills still just didn't exist....
So here we go... liars and manipulators
and those that love them or live with them.. here is a story for
you..... and have hope this once was really me... and the truth that
has come forth truly has set me free.... the details here are for
you....
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