That..... I can do

What can one say He is the most amazing of Fathers....

He stepped into the room and yet I couldn't meet His gaze.... I whispered, "I can't do this.... Truly I can't ."  he walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder and I knew before He spoke the words that there was something He wanted to show me...

As I stood to my feet and we walked together He reminded me of a dream I once had so very many years ago.... The dream was of a large white pillar that soared up to the heights and at the top of the pillar was a platform and upon the platform was a white ceramic tub.... The tub took up most of the platform and only left a slight edge around it.... There was no railing upon the platform ...  I knew I was to climb that tower and stand on the platform .... I knew that it would sway and I knew it would bend but I knew it would be alright ... I knew I would be alright.... I remember knowing in the dream that all would be alright .....

We walked together and than I don't know where we were but there the tower was standing in front of me... And to my side was a high wire.... 
Again I couldn't meet His gaze.... 

Then came words and as He spoke I did lift my gaze and as tears streamed down my face our eyes met.....  " Experience has opened your eyes .... No longer is there a naïveté concerning the cost.... "

My heart faltered.... "I don't know... I really don't know..." and I swallowed hard.....  

There were so many words I wanted to say to Him .... I had come face to face with issues of cost and doubted my capacity to truly place my hands back upon the proverbial plow....  I had touched it here and there but what was now being asked was for me to grab ahold and not look back ....  But cost is a huge factor in making decisions and I was afraid and torn...

I was.... No courage ... No boldness ... Just a very solemn knowing of what was being asked .... He had given His life how could I not give mine ... It was all I felt my life to be and yet so much doubt and so many questions raged in my heart and my mind...

He wasn't present to condemn or show disappointment .... He didn't come to my side to reprimand or discipline.... He came to sit and sit quietly side by side we did....... Hours passed as though they were mere seconds.... His beautiful, strong presence sitting next to my bewildered and freaked out frame....  At one point I simply leaned over and allowed all my weight to shift and as I took a deep breath I slid even closer in and towards Him.....

There was no ship sailing... There was no this door is only open for these few seconds and no demand upon me to make any decision...... Just a Father loving His daughter ..... Just a Father bringing quiet reassurances of His grace ...

It ceased even being about choices and as we just sat it dawned on me.... It truly somewhere had ceased being about one decision.... His love had dispelled fear and I realized nothing was about service.... I saw on a whole new level... The question... The only question He was asking was would I be His? Surrounded by Him and His love He had quieted me to the place where I could hear the song in His heart.... He was only after me being His daughter and I had made it about everything else...

The air filled with the most amazing of aromas as my eyes flew wide open and my heart exploded into a warmth that I know not the words to explain.. 

Could I  daily look to Him and see what He was doing? Could I live in the freedom to do or not do as He did ? Could I live within His arms of love and live my life openly bearing my heart to Him and those He would have me keep it open to? Could I trust Him?

Then I was just back laying on a bed putting a child to sleep.....  And a smile was upon my face and a contentment filled my soul... Once again He had reminded me of that which mattered .... He and I (period) 

In the dream it was alright because the end of it all isn't that which is done or not done... It is about a Father loving a daughter that even the highest of heights or most precarious situations aren't any more because the story is simply of a Father loving His daughter and a Son waiting for His bride.... That I can do... That I can do