The love of God is stronger than anything I know.... I fear that I do not have the capacity to grab a hold of it as much as I need to... when it is clear and when sight is opened up it is easy.. but we don't walk by sight but by faith and yet sight comes....
My problem is when it goes... it isn't hard to believe in something you can touch and see ... and when it is so palpable and so in my face then my feet feel like that of the deer's and I can leap any mountain ... yet the opposite is as true... truly if I hunger for honesty in my inner parts and ask the Lord to search me (scary prayer ) I know that He maintains all of my strength and without His maintenance I wither...
Tonight I awoke to a battle of my mind and my heart was being torn from my chest.... if I am a hypocrite than I am a hypocrite and if I am a liar than I am a liar... without Him and His grace I am many things that I would like not to be.... In that state of being perplexed and tossed and full of turmoil I cried out to my Father ... and upon that moment of great chaos He brought forth understanding....
Here in the midst of being confronted by my humanity and weakness and having it be used as a weapon that had been formed against me.... assaulted by doubt and strangled by fear .. He arose upon my person with a picture.... a picture and verses of Truth.....
I cannot express to you the condition of my mind prior to that revelation because I think to do so would take numerous pages of writing ... let me state it simply because I want to say what the picture is but I want it to fall upon you as it did me.... a sheer panic and horror had landed upon me.... The accuser is extremely talented at that which he does and my defenses these last few days have not been what they should be.... the hard part is that lies are never totally lies or we would be able to see them as such... no unfortunately there is enough truth to be told about the darkness of my soul that the roaring lion was seeking to devour my heart.....
Upon that scene I cried out .. condemnation so far removed from true conviction but in the middle of the night and as I have said upon days of feeling under pressure I lacked discernment.... so I found my breath and cried out to the very one whose comfort I needed... I fall upon the Rock ... crying out .. afraid of what He might say...... but needing to hear it anyway......
And upon that place .. oh my upon that place... My Father stepped in and like David did he slayed that lion... as He did for Daniel He did for me and closed that roaring beast's mouth... so humbled.. so humbled.. I know who I am without Him and yet I am learning to know who I am as His and I had stumbled and forgotten ... upon that place... upon that place .. He showed me a picture of a mine... and before I could even contemplate that which the picture of the mine meant ... the word play of it broke my heart.. and defused that attack...
You see beyond anything ... beyond anything... we are His... we are His.... and all else that I would be pales in comparison.... and all that the enemy would stand within the courts of Heaven to accuse us of is defused by the fact that we have an advocate within that courtroom......
Beyond anything else He could say to me about that picture of the mine... He was lifting up the aspect of His heart and placing Himself between me and the assault... Exclaiming to our enemy whose I truly was... that I was His... and that He was taking all of this personally......
I am His .. I am His daughter... it is extremely personal to Him... His affection.. His adoration.. His heart ... It is ravished by us... The Creator of all positioned Himself to be moved by that which He created... While my soul and the enemy of it can tear myself apart... He comes and stands in between the lies and that assault and simply and profoundly declares identity... declares to me to remember ... declares to his enemy to remember.... It is finished.. She is mine......
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