An addendum to yesterday......
If I could ever be more convinced that it is of vital importance to lay one self bare before the Lord it would be within the moments of these last two days.....
For over a week the Father had been wanting me to ask Him for something..... it was as if I could ask Him for anything... it was blanket question.... but I know that the offer in its sincerity was more about getting to my heart.... He is the most masterful of heart surgeons you know.....
He began to show me an area where He wanted to touch... the reason in His heart was there was something between He and I... a fear.... and He is always wanting to and longing to remove any hindrance between Himself and His people... He is jealous like that in His absolute passion for us......
So yesterday .... yesterday... oh my...... ever so glad yesterday is yesterday BUT having said that... yesterday we journeyed together onto roads that needed His touch...... Laying bare my heart before the one who knit it together allowing Him with choices of my will full access into anything He wanted .....
There are moments I am brought to a place of awe struck awareness of the reality of who He is and the day to day reality of His kingdom's existence and reign here on Earth.....
His capacity to love us individually is a powerful thing.... the fact that He knows each of us so intimately and is passionate and affectionate towards us each one of us... is truly outstanding...... He is the most lovely of Fathers and the most dearest of friends...... and He gives the most perfect gifts......
Today I sit in the shadow of the reality of the answer to His beckoning..... not a profound request did I make upon Him but one of the heart....... and the words.... the heart longing weren't allowed to exist outside of me but He answered........
There aren't secrets here with me..... while at times I cringe at the things that He asks me to share... I understand my life is not my own and He won't ask of me needlessly .... so what did I ask.... I asked for a dream.... but you see there is a love language there between He and I and He understands that... and in the moments before awakening He brought the most incredible reassurance of His love through a wood working teacher in a school in a scene in a dream..... hhhhmmmmmmmm ... He is truly brilliant ... and within those moments spent ... upon that scene that was already answering the very thing I had asked..... two individuals walked into the room where I stood with that wood working teacher and they knew my name ....
While the tale of that dream might seem ho hum to you... know that it touched the very deepest parts of my heart... and while one might say if the Father was really beckoning to you to be able to ask for anything why would you ask for something so slight.... and my response would be this .... One thing I have asked of the Lord and that is that I would be known of Him and that I would dwell in the house of my Lord all the days of my life.... and so I asked for the one thing that lives within the deepest desires of my heart daily... and the request wasn't in the air but a moment truly before He answered it in a way that only the most amazing of Father's wouuld.....
Our God is great..... (period)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Truth hurts and yet in the revealing of hearts lives are changed
And again I am being undone.... In a gesture that has taken my breath away the Father brought me to my knees..... deep calls unto deep and the only longing I yearn to have is to walk with Him and please Him as a daughter... and even in writing that statement I get that I don't get it all the time... ok... I still don't get it (period)... I want to qualify and quantify and say that I have moved forward and know Him more and trust Him further and yet He has truly brought me to my knees and unsettled everything about me........
Now the one difference is is that I do actually have a deeper faith and understanding of the fact that He wouldn't lead me here if He wasn't going to continue the journey and so as uncomfortable as it seems I do trust Him deeper than I have in the past... phew.... but my eyes have been made open and my heart laid to bare............ and this is where I come to you from this morning......
Forgive if in this place this piece goes off.... I am so undone and so moved by that which he has spoken to me this morning that I can't find my way .......
It has come to this...... "Do you trust me to be good?" Was His question..... Do I trust Him to be good? But of course was the answer that leaped out of my mouth even while I felt my heart dropping..... Then He spoke again..." No, you now know me to be good..... But do you trust me to be good?" Honestly terror filled my heart..... I wanted to say yes ........ but my goodness ....in the light of His presence the understanding of where He was going had my nerves on edge... Father, don't touch this ...... I know you are good..... my thoughts were racing..... "Yes, child.. But do you trust me to be good... You are afraid to ask me things...... You are concerned for disappointment.... too concerned ... that now in your knowledge of my goodness and in your awakening to my love and affections you have wanted to settle there instead of facing all the giants in the land." And I just sat with my heart in my throat as tears streamed down my face and anxiety filled me.....
I knew what He was pointing His finger at was all too real and yet I don't know how to navigate my way through the bundle of nerves He was touching...... Trusting His nature and His character have become second nature to me as the air I breath.... so I trust that amidst whatever would come my way His goodness would prevail BUT that is a different thing (in His heart this morning) then what He was getting at..... and what He was getting at is that I don't truly expect Him to be good in my circumstances.... and He reminded me of the fact that we who are evil want to give good things to our children how much does He want to do so.......
He was getting at the fact that I am recently stunned and in awe of things He is doing... that He really is doing them... and what He touched was that as much as I relish in the moments of these things in the back of my heart I am waiting for them to disappear as smoke and become vapor.......
Truth hurts and yet in the revealing of hearts lives are changed.... I have promised the Lord in the season once again I would not hold back..... and He is making good on my promise.....
So in this morning where I am surrounded by the goodness of a Father who hungers for whole hearts and not partial relationships I yearn for His ways ...... He overwrites lies we have believed with His glorious truths ... and He woos us deeply into Himself to become more like Him.....
Hungering to say not my will but Yours and yet this morning I am more in tune with Peter on the beach saying I like You Lord to the Lord's I love you completely...... Oh Father.... You know... You know all things.... walk me further in .....
Now the one difference is is that I do actually have a deeper faith and understanding of the fact that He wouldn't lead me here if He wasn't going to continue the journey and so as uncomfortable as it seems I do trust Him deeper than I have in the past... phew.... but my eyes have been made open and my heart laid to bare............ and this is where I come to you from this morning......
Forgive if in this place this piece goes off.... I am so undone and so moved by that which he has spoken to me this morning that I can't find my way .......
It has come to this...... "Do you trust me to be good?" Was His question..... Do I trust Him to be good? But of course was the answer that leaped out of my mouth even while I felt my heart dropping..... Then He spoke again..." No, you now know me to be good..... But do you trust me to be good?" Honestly terror filled my heart..... I wanted to say yes ........ but my goodness ....in the light of His presence the understanding of where He was going had my nerves on edge... Father, don't touch this ...... I know you are good..... my thoughts were racing..... "Yes, child.. But do you trust me to be good... You are afraid to ask me things...... You are concerned for disappointment.... too concerned ... that now in your knowledge of my goodness and in your awakening to my love and affections you have wanted to settle there instead of facing all the giants in the land." And I just sat with my heart in my throat as tears streamed down my face and anxiety filled me.....
I knew what He was pointing His finger at was all too real and yet I don't know how to navigate my way through the bundle of nerves He was touching...... Trusting His nature and His character have become second nature to me as the air I breath.... so I trust that amidst whatever would come my way His goodness would prevail BUT that is a different thing (in His heart this morning) then what He was getting at..... and what He was getting at is that I don't truly expect Him to be good in my circumstances.... and He reminded me of the fact that we who are evil want to give good things to our children how much does He want to do so.......
He was getting at the fact that I am recently stunned and in awe of things He is doing... that He really is doing them... and what He touched was that as much as I relish in the moments of these things in the back of my heart I am waiting for them to disappear as smoke and become vapor.......
Truth hurts and yet in the revealing of hearts lives are changed.... I have promised the Lord in the season once again I would not hold back..... and He is making good on my promise.....
So in this morning where I am surrounded by the goodness of a Father who hungers for whole hearts and not partial relationships I yearn for His ways ...... He overwrites lies we have believed with His glorious truths ... and He woos us deeply into Himself to become more like Him.....
Hungering to say not my will but Yours and yet this morning I am more in tune with Peter on the beach saying I like You Lord to the Lord's I love you completely...... Oh Father.... You know... You know all things.... walk me further in .....
Sunday, November 7, 2010
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
Within the afternoon I kept feeling wooed into the story of The Velveteen Rabbit...... and one of my favorite lines danced in my head...
" The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him."
And as I thought through the story and the other lines that I love I crossed paths with the Father's intentions for the reminder ....
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
It has been the powerful love of the Father that has born down upon my life in the most beautifully tangible ways that have brought me to a place where He has empowered me to walk into who He always intentioned for me to be.....
"He longed to become real, to know what it felt like..." that statement sums up so much of the journey of my heart.... a longing so deep ... so seemingly far away....
Today the whispers on the wind were accompanied by the loving glances of a Father whose affections have birthed this "real" into my life....... One thing I have felt so deeply upon me is to be myself without apologies..... to stop hiding behind anything that would not be authentically who I am but to live fully forward without reservation or apology......
"He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him."
Isn't that the case... and I smile as I think upon the truths of that statement....... a friend so incredibly shared her heart with me recently when she spoke of things from my past that when she thinks upon them they make her sad and yet she knows that who I am today wouldn't exist without them..... Ah the beauty of the gospels.... He truly does use all things.....
And that is where I have felt led to walk in this evening's hours....
I don't take where I walk today for granted ......... valleys of death's shadow had so filled days gone by that now that I get to walk in the light of the dawning of the new day amazes me.... and I realize the delight of being real..... have I wished that I could have become it without all these things having happened to me... but of course but having walked those roads and now walking upon these road of becoming more and more real... I wouldn't change anything... not one thing.....
" The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him."
And as I thought through the story and the other lines that I love I crossed paths with the Father's intentions for the reminder ....
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
It has been the powerful love of the Father that has born down upon my life in the most beautifully tangible ways that have brought me to a place where He has empowered me to walk into who He always intentioned for me to be.....
"He longed to become real, to know what it felt like..." that statement sums up so much of the journey of my heart.... a longing so deep ... so seemingly far away....
Today the whispers on the wind were accompanied by the loving glances of a Father whose affections have birthed this "real" into my life....... One thing I have felt so deeply upon me is to be myself without apologies..... to stop hiding behind anything that would not be authentically who I am but to live fully forward without reservation or apology......
"He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him."
Isn't that the case... and I smile as I think upon the truths of that statement....... a friend so incredibly shared her heart with me recently when she spoke of things from my past that when she thinks upon them they make her sad and yet she knows that who I am today wouldn't exist without them..... Ah the beauty of the gospels.... He truly does use all things.....
And that is where I have felt led to walk in this evening's hours....
I don't take where I walk today for granted ......... valleys of death's shadow had so filled days gone by that now that I get to walk in the light of the dawning of the new day amazes me.... and I realize the delight of being real..... have I wished that I could have become it without all these things having happened to me... but of course but having walked those roads and now walking upon these road of becoming more and more real... I wouldn't change anything... not one thing.....
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Outliers and 10,000 hours
I am not an inherently quiet person and lacking introvert tendencies I am refreshed and energized by being together with people….. yet today … today I stole away.. not by myself mind you so when a mom of six says that she stole away it probably looks quite a bit different then most would think….. However I have had breaks without any children that weren’t as refreshing as today…..
Besides a quick trip to a school because one missed the bus I have stayed inside… turned off the phone (for the most part… ;) had some scheduled phone calls that were a must but other than those didn’t attempt contact outside of our home), turned off face book, turned off the computer (until two minutes ago) turned off and away and was home….
Today I have stepped back and while doing things that needed to be done I entered into a quiet place…… Brother Lawrence is such a “hero” of mine… washing dishes yet standing mightily in the presence of God….. my personal copy of “the practice of the presence of God” is so tattered and torn and in much need of tape but I leave it on my desk as a reminder of what is important… in its tattered and torn condition…. But the presence of God I am tattered and torn….. But His surrounding me I am nothing… reduced to less than nothing….. and there are moments that are just good to be reminded that without Him … well, Ecclesiastes puts it best… It is meaningless…..
Today was a good reminder of the essentials… of what makes me me and what I want to focus my life on……
A while back Jim and I started to read a book entitled Outliers… one of the key premises of the book is to master a skill or talent it takes about 10,000 hours….. when we started reading this book I was thinking about lots of things I could potentially do as my kids were getting older … Gregory was going to be entering preschool and Elizabeth would start next year and I was thinking about what my passions were and what I would want to do….. prior to reading the book I was heading down a specific path … as we read the book I started to think more and more…. Beyond thinking about it I entered into a season of prayer…. And what came out of my heart was that it wasn’t about a specific skill or talent …. I wanted to devote that time to knowing God….. not asking God for things… not letting Him know me…. but Knowing Him….
And I completely understand that there are obviously those that walk every avenue of life and know God… but in those moments I realized that I just wanted to sit at His feet …. I wanted to know Him and what He is like more than anything I could think of or imagine……
Hundreds of hours into this purposeful and intentional seeking out of His nature and His being and His character my life is utterly being changed….. and today was a such a good day to just remember my dreams and think upon 10,000 hours being spent getting to know Him…. And then I thought upon the last stanza of Amazing Grace :
When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.
10,000 hours… 10,000 years….. The presence of God will stand throughout time and eternity… what better task to put before myself than to spend these 10,000 hours upon Him……
Besides a quick trip to a school because one missed the bus I have stayed inside… turned off the phone (for the most part… ;) had some scheduled phone calls that were a must but other than those didn’t attempt contact outside of our home), turned off face book, turned off the computer (until two minutes ago) turned off and away and was home….
Today I have stepped back and while doing things that needed to be done I entered into a quiet place…… Brother Lawrence is such a “hero” of mine… washing dishes yet standing mightily in the presence of God….. my personal copy of “the practice of the presence of God” is so tattered and torn and in much need of tape but I leave it on my desk as a reminder of what is important… in its tattered and torn condition…. But the presence of God I am tattered and torn….. But His surrounding me I am nothing… reduced to less than nothing….. and there are moments that are just good to be reminded that without Him … well, Ecclesiastes puts it best… It is meaningless…..
Today was a good reminder of the essentials… of what makes me me and what I want to focus my life on……
A while back Jim and I started to read a book entitled Outliers… one of the key premises of the book is to master a skill or talent it takes about 10,000 hours….. when we started reading this book I was thinking about lots of things I could potentially do as my kids were getting older … Gregory was going to be entering preschool and Elizabeth would start next year and I was thinking about what my passions were and what I would want to do….. prior to reading the book I was heading down a specific path … as we read the book I started to think more and more…. Beyond thinking about it I entered into a season of prayer…. And what came out of my heart was that it wasn’t about a specific skill or talent …. I wanted to devote that time to knowing God….. not asking God for things… not letting Him know me…. but Knowing Him….
And I completely understand that there are obviously those that walk every avenue of life and know God… but in those moments I realized that I just wanted to sit at His feet …. I wanted to know Him and what He is like more than anything I could think of or imagine……
Hundreds of hours into this purposeful and intentional seeking out of His nature and His being and His character my life is utterly being changed….. and today was a such a good day to just remember my dreams and think upon 10,000 hours being spent getting to know Him…. And then I thought upon the last stanza of Amazing Grace :
When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.
10,000 hours… 10,000 years….. The presence of God will stand throughout time and eternity… what better task to put before myself than to spend these 10,000 hours upon Him……
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
May my words be seasoned with life..... and my opinions turned to dust
There is so much I wish I knew how to express... so much I wish I understood... so much that leaves me hungering for wisdom and understanding..... moments that out of the blue come across and affect my world and where I walk.... and I'm left feeling a vulnerability I would rather not feel... but even as the residual emotions course through me... I am left to acknowledge the lesson
There is a power in our words towards each other... a power to bless... a power to curse.... we don't have to be face to face .... why does the Word speak so about our mouths and our tongues..... we speak life and death and out of the same mouth that praises the Most Holy One comes opinions and thoughts that are not of the Father's heart....
I have a friend who takes this very seriously and I have truly wondered at times if the line is too tight and that we should have freedom to speak and to express.... I talk things out that is how I process and in doing so I don't always check every emotion or opinion expressed.....
I have been rattled tonight for I have felt the words of another and then in discussion found them to have been truly stated.... a new found depth of the fear of the Lord rests upon me for there has been brought to bare a very personal experience upon my soul that has left a huge question mark ..... again I have no answers but many many questions.....
Beyond questions though I have been pushed towards quietness and the idea of letting my words be few and not idle weighs upon my heart.... understanding so slightly the love and grace of God I know that this lesson's strength is for a purpose and there is grace to navigate these waters... but once again I am stunned by the truth of the realities of the Kingdom and how they are really as they are.... while there is grace I do believe to reflect and discuss there must be wisdom when in reference to another of how we speak.... we must search out the fact that if we speak.. we speak of one whom the Father adores and for whom Christ died and our words must be seasoned with grace and wisdom and humility....
My friends our words are so powerful ..... for someone who loves words and loves expression a solemn weight sits upon me this evening and I sit and let it bare down and plant its seeds so that it's fruit will be brought forth ......................
There is a power in our words towards each other... a power to bless... a power to curse.... we don't have to be face to face .... why does the Word speak so about our mouths and our tongues..... we speak life and death and out of the same mouth that praises the Most Holy One comes opinions and thoughts that are not of the Father's heart....
I have a friend who takes this very seriously and I have truly wondered at times if the line is too tight and that we should have freedom to speak and to express.... I talk things out that is how I process and in doing so I don't always check every emotion or opinion expressed.....
I have been rattled tonight for I have felt the words of another and then in discussion found them to have been truly stated.... a new found depth of the fear of the Lord rests upon me for there has been brought to bare a very personal experience upon my soul that has left a huge question mark ..... again I have no answers but many many questions.....
Beyond questions though I have been pushed towards quietness and the idea of letting my words be few and not idle weighs upon my heart.... understanding so slightly the love and grace of God I know that this lesson's strength is for a purpose and there is grace to navigate these waters... but once again I am stunned by the truth of the realities of the Kingdom and how they are really as they are.... while there is grace I do believe to reflect and discuss there must be wisdom when in reference to another of how we speak.... we must search out the fact that if we speak.. we speak of one whom the Father adores and for whom Christ died and our words must be seasoned with grace and wisdom and humility....
My friends our words are so powerful ..... for someone who loves words and loves expression a solemn weight sits upon me this evening and I sit and let it bare down and plant its seeds so that it's fruit will be brought forth ......................
The stars never apologize for brilliantly lighting up the night
Worship from days past fill my head... from songs sung upon days of newly finding Christ to seasons spent within incredible worship communities.... times and hours spent worshipping within families and among those I love that only fill my heart with wonderment about what it will be like to stand before Him and lift up our voices as one......
There are moments that have danced within my head this morning with the most cherished of memories.... notes and lyrics that have reformed my very being as they have been sung and lingered in the air..... People and friends with whom I have stood and added my voice to theirs and worshipped together... those days and nights and times have washed over me this morning ...
And in my thoughts of all these times I have wondered simply why... as beautiful as these moments and memories are was there something more....
and as He does...
down a trail we walked and holding my hand and looking down upon me ... causing my gaze to lift up and meet His eyes He drew me to His side and His words cascaded down me like the most gentle of waterfalls..... and yet the roar and strength of the words have left me staggering to catch myself... so grateful for your arm which always catches me....
But even in that moment the action left wisdom upon my soul..... For it is within those moments when I come to worship Him that I am the most of who I am.... I run towards Him and unguarded and unprotected ... abandon myself to all that He is..... I don't attempt to catch myself or watch my words... I don't play any part or attend any role... I lay bare my soul and care less about the surroundings... In those moments I taste and see a goodness and a presence that brings forth within me the essences of all He created me to be... and I have realized and am beginning to grasp that it is who I am in those moments that He longs for me to carry forth at all times......
"The stars in the sky bow to You. The flowers of the field dance to Your song. I am not ashamed to lift up my voice, I am not ashamed. I run to the edge of Your love, close my eyes, fall in to You. As I rest in Your arms I know I'm free, I know I'm free. "(Josh Young)
I remember services singing this song... and this morning the lyrics have echoed in my head... and the knowledge of freedom has coursed throughout my being and captured my attentions and I heed a Father's instructions....
The stars never apologize for brilliantly lighting up the night and the flowers never refrain from offering up their beauty.... I repent and apologize for moments when I have failed to do so.... when conscious of the quirks of my personality I think twice before offering up an encouraging word or sharing that which rests upon my heart.....it is those times when concern for the thoughts of men hinder the expression of who I am and outweigh the desire to live as He would have me live... But I jump and leap and enter into a place where I acknowledge my life is not my own and though I might want to meter out my affections I would rather trust a Father who absolutely knows what He is doing when He asks of me to live unfettered from the opinions and accolades and detractions of man..... And "as I rest in Your arms I know I'm free... I know I'm free..."
There are moments that have danced within my head this morning with the most cherished of memories.... notes and lyrics that have reformed my very being as they have been sung and lingered in the air..... People and friends with whom I have stood and added my voice to theirs and worshipped together... those days and nights and times have washed over me this morning ...
And in my thoughts of all these times I have wondered simply why... as beautiful as these moments and memories are was there something more....
and as He does...
down a trail we walked and holding my hand and looking down upon me ... causing my gaze to lift up and meet His eyes He drew me to His side and His words cascaded down me like the most gentle of waterfalls..... and yet the roar and strength of the words have left me staggering to catch myself... so grateful for your arm which always catches me....
But even in that moment the action left wisdom upon my soul..... For it is within those moments when I come to worship Him that I am the most of who I am.... I run towards Him and unguarded and unprotected ... abandon myself to all that He is..... I don't attempt to catch myself or watch my words... I don't play any part or attend any role... I lay bare my soul and care less about the surroundings... In those moments I taste and see a goodness and a presence that brings forth within me the essences of all He created me to be... and I have realized and am beginning to grasp that it is who I am in those moments that He longs for me to carry forth at all times......
"The stars in the sky bow to You. The flowers of the field dance to Your song. I am not ashamed to lift up my voice, I am not ashamed. I run to the edge of Your love, close my eyes, fall in to You. As I rest in Your arms I know I'm free, I know I'm free. "(Josh Young)
I remember services singing this song... and this morning the lyrics have echoed in my head... and the knowledge of freedom has coursed throughout my being and captured my attentions and I heed a Father's instructions....
The stars never apologize for brilliantly lighting up the night and the flowers never refrain from offering up their beauty.... I repent and apologize for moments when I have failed to do so.... when conscious of the quirks of my personality I think twice before offering up an encouraging word or sharing that which rests upon my heart.....it is those times when concern for the thoughts of men hinder the expression of who I am and outweigh the desire to live as He would have me live... But I jump and leap and enter into a place where I acknowledge my life is not my own and though I might want to meter out my affections I would rather trust a Father who absolutely knows what He is doing when He asks of me to live unfettered from the opinions and accolades and detractions of man..... And "as I rest in Your arms I know I'm free... I know I'm free..."
Monday, November 1, 2010
good... and evil... and life......
Passion and transparency push me forward and while I have been struggling in my mind about this blog post it has certainly drawn me into the heart of the Father and I have learned new things… which is always a very good thing….. ok so I’ll stop stalling… and just jump right in ..
Ok… jumping in not always as easy as I think….. deep breath… close eyes…. Music Mims… find the music…. Fingers to keyboard … and enter
I think what is making this hard and what has made this hard for the past few days is that there are things that I would rather never speak of and things I would rather never dwell on …. But I guess to get me and where I come from there are things that are upon the Father’s heart that I share…… so with caution and wisdom I walk into this…. Because I feel His longing to do so….
It is the Father’s most marvelous intention that all we were to ever know was His passion for us … His incredible love for us… Even the knowledge of what is good wasn’t supposed to be ours… and certainly we weren’t created for evil…. But the knowledge of both good and evil entered into this creation and have made their way into our lives……
The knowledge of good and evil while supposedly miles apart did come forth from the same tree…. They find their origin within the same roots and upon the same branches… I am not a theologian by any means but I have been hearing the Father’s heart upon these issues and feeling His push to share… please know that this does not come easy for me to write or share but I am interested in the heart of the one who loves me so well and leads me down paths like this one… I know I will learn from Him and I know that I must trust Him….. so I journey down this road and am willing to hear what I feel His heart has to say….
There is a life upon this earth that is possible for all to walk in…. the heart of our Creator beacons us to enter into it…… life… focus…. Him…. Life … abundant life…..
I have been given so much grace into my life and been empowered to overcome so much that is just plainly dark and incredibly evil…. I’m only so intensely glad that I don’t walk within those shadows anymore but because of them when the Father makes a correlation as He has been doing within my heart these days I stagger to find out that which He is saying …….
I feel Him whispering about the trees that were in the garden… I hear His longing for Life… for Life to be what His children walk in and I am trying to ascertain the depths of what He wants me to know…. I get startled for when He speaks to me of evil and the depravity of man and how there is a similarity in the spirit to that and that which we would call good… I honestly get shaken.. I do… Evil for me is not some blanket concept or some vague notion….. There are very clear pictures in my head….
So when the Father leads my thoughts to places that those things that are good… that we would call good steal from me in no different way then things that are evil… I am struck and stunned and shaken……..
I know He knows me… better than I know myself and so I know that He wouldn’t haphazardly make that correlation if He didn’t want me to understand that which He was saying and the importance of it…… good brings forth death just as does evil....
I get when the Father says I want to woo you now away from the good and into life…… are things that are good the same as the things that are evil…. I couldn’t tell you on the scales of how the Father sees it… but while evil might destroy … good distracts…. While evil might cause a depth of harm that good does not … good pacifies the senses and leaves one dulled….. and so that which we call the knowledge of good and that which we would call the knowledge of evil have within them the same fruit in our lives…..a variation of a life that is not abundant and that isn’t the life we are called to.... a fruit more of spiritual death than of life
While this blog post might be the sketchiest one and while the tendency in my heart right now is to delete it and attempt to rewrite it… and while I might attempt a rewrite… there is something we need to get here ..
The Father has done what He has done so that we will not just be rescued from the evil but that we can choose to step away from that which is good and move towards life… I don’t pretend to know what that would mean for anyone.. I don’t even pretend to understand it completely for my life… But I know His wooing and I know there is a place where knowledge whether of good or of evil does not touch… and that place is a place of life….. and an abundant one at that…. So walk this road I will… asking for the Lord to not just deliver me from evil but to deliver me from good and bring me further into the life He offers…. Further away from even the good that would distract .... further away from good things that would try to take my affections and tie them to this world and then keep me from the life I was intended to walk within.....
Ok… jumping in not always as easy as I think….. deep breath… close eyes…. Music Mims… find the music…. Fingers to keyboard … and enter
I think what is making this hard and what has made this hard for the past few days is that there are things that I would rather never speak of and things I would rather never dwell on …. But I guess to get me and where I come from there are things that are upon the Father’s heart that I share…… so with caution and wisdom I walk into this…. Because I feel His longing to do so….
It is the Father’s most marvelous intention that all we were to ever know was His passion for us … His incredible love for us… Even the knowledge of what is good wasn’t supposed to be ours… and certainly we weren’t created for evil…. But the knowledge of both good and evil entered into this creation and have made their way into our lives……
The knowledge of good and evil while supposedly miles apart did come forth from the same tree…. They find their origin within the same roots and upon the same branches… I am not a theologian by any means but I have been hearing the Father’s heart upon these issues and feeling His push to share… please know that this does not come easy for me to write or share but I am interested in the heart of the one who loves me so well and leads me down paths like this one… I know I will learn from Him and I know that I must trust Him….. so I journey down this road and am willing to hear what I feel His heart has to say….
There is a life upon this earth that is possible for all to walk in…. the heart of our Creator beacons us to enter into it…… life… focus…. Him…. Life … abundant life…..
I have been given so much grace into my life and been empowered to overcome so much that is just plainly dark and incredibly evil…. I’m only so intensely glad that I don’t walk within those shadows anymore but because of them when the Father makes a correlation as He has been doing within my heart these days I stagger to find out that which He is saying …….
I feel Him whispering about the trees that were in the garden… I hear His longing for Life… for Life to be what His children walk in and I am trying to ascertain the depths of what He wants me to know…. I get startled for when He speaks to me of evil and the depravity of man and how there is a similarity in the spirit to that and that which we would call good… I honestly get shaken.. I do… Evil for me is not some blanket concept or some vague notion….. There are very clear pictures in my head….
So when the Father leads my thoughts to places that those things that are good… that we would call good steal from me in no different way then things that are evil… I am struck and stunned and shaken……..
I know He knows me… better than I know myself and so I know that He wouldn’t haphazardly make that correlation if He didn’t want me to understand that which He was saying and the importance of it…… good brings forth death just as does evil....
I get when the Father says I want to woo you now away from the good and into life…… are things that are good the same as the things that are evil…. I couldn’t tell you on the scales of how the Father sees it… but while evil might destroy … good distracts…. While evil might cause a depth of harm that good does not … good pacifies the senses and leaves one dulled….. and so that which we call the knowledge of good and that which we would call the knowledge of evil have within them the same fruit in our lives…..a variation of a life that is not abundant and that isn’t the life we are called to.... a fruit more of spiritual death than of life
While this blog post might be the sketchiest one and while the tendency in my heart right now is to delete it and attempt to rewrite it… and while I might attempt a rewrite… there is something we need to get here ..
The Father has done what He has done so that we will not just be rescued from the evil but that we can choose to step away from that which is good and move towards life… I don’t pretend to know what that would mean for anyone.. I don’t even pretend to understand it completely for my life… But I know His wooing and I know there is a place where knowledge whether of good or of evil does not touch… and that place is a place of life….. and an abundant one at that…. So walk this road I will… asking for the Lord to not just deliver me from evil but to deliver me from good and bring me further into the life He offers…. Further away from even the good that would distract .... further away from good things that would try to take my affections and tie them to this world and then keep me from the life I was intended to walk within.....
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