Truth hurts and yet in the revealing of hearts lives are changed

And again I am being undone.... In a gesture that has taken my breath away the Father brought me to my knees..... deep calls unto deep and the only longing I yearn to have is to walk with Him and please Him as a daughter... and even in writing that statement I get that I don't get it all the time... ok... I still don't get it (period)... I want to qualify and quantify and say that I have moved forward and know Him more and trust Him further and yet He has truly brought me to my knees and unsettled everything about me........

Now the one difference is is that I do actually have a deeper faith and understanding of the fact that He wouldn't lead me here if He wasn't going to continue the journey and so as uncomfortable as it seems I do trust Him deeper than I have in the past... phew.... but my eyes have been made open and my heart laid to bare............ and this is where I come to you from this morning......

Forgive if in this place this piece goes off.... I am so undone and so moved by that which he has spoken to me this morning that I can't find my way .......

It has come to this...... "Do you trust me to be good?" Was His question..... Do I trust Him to be good? But of course was the answer that leaped out of my mouth even while I felt my heart dropping..... Then He spoke again..." No, you now know me to be good..... But do you trust me to be good?" Honestly terror filled my heart..... I wanted to say yes ........ but my goodness ....in the light of His presence the understanding of where He was going had my nerves on edge... Father, don't touch this ...... I know you are good..... my thoughts were racing..... "Yes, child.. But do you trust me to be good... You are afraid to ask me things...... You are concerned for disappointment.... too concerned ... that now in your knowledge of my goodness and in your awakening to my love and affections you have wanted to settle there instead of facing all the giants in the land." And I just sat with my heart in my throat as tears streamed down my face and anxiety filled me.....

I knew what He was pointing His finger at was all too real and yet I don't know how to navigate my way through the bundle of nerves He was touching...... Trusting His nature and His character have become second nature to me as the air I breath.... so I trust that amidst whatever would come my way His goodness would prevail BUT that is a different thing (in His heart this morning) then what He was getting at..... and what He was getting at is that I don't truly expect Him to be good in my circumstances.... and He reminded me of the fact that we who are evil want to give good things to our children how much does He want to do so.......

He was getting at the fact that I am recently stunned and in awe of things He is doing... that He really is doing them... and what He touched was that as much as I relish in the moments of these things in the back of my heart I am waiting for them to disappear as smoke and become vapor.......

Truth hurts and yet in the revealing of hearts lives are changed.... I have promised the Lord in the season once again I would not hold back..... and He is making good on my promise.....

So in this morning where I am surrounded by the goodness of a Father who hungers for whole hearts and not partial relationships I yearn for His ways ...... He overwrites lies we have believed with His glorious truths ... and He woos us deeply into Himself to become more like Him.....

Hungering to say not my will but Yours and yet this morning I am more in tune with Peter on the beach saying I like You Lord to the Lord's I love you completely...... Oh Father.... You know... You know all things.... walk me further in .....