Wept Here and Wept there but upon Him did I set my eyes

There was quiet... there was silence... the air filled with Him and I let out a large sigh.... I just looked at Him and the gaze that I know so very well caught my eyes... caught my heart...

I'm tired... to which His reply was that He fully knew all things and He beckoned me to come and sit.... leaning again... leaning... this season is one which I have learned more than ever to trust into the lean... and lean I did.... No words passed... and the silence went on and on...

Before I am anything else I am His.... and this place... with Him... when words even for me fail and disorientation would try to grab a hold of my heart... Straight to Him... straight to Him.... I'm tired ... maybe exhausted would be a better word... but whether it is this state or it is joy or it is celebration towards Him ... into Him is the place I always want to stand....

I have felt gray today... like a cloud sits upon my mind and a weight of bricks upon my heart.... and all the while I have waited for this time... for this time where seemingly in retreat I turn towards Him ...

Reclining upon Him and catching my breath the gray fades and rest enters my soul.... Surprisingly I begin to feel His delight.... I guess the word stunned came to mind because the moment was anything but delightful to me... ah being with Him was bringing it forth but I needed the rest He gives more than anything...

But then I too knew that which was causing Him joy....

I did not go towards entertainment
I did not go towards food
I did not go towards anything that would have me escape the gray but Him....
My trust full... in Him my trust complete...He is never slow in keeping a promise and He is always present... I realized that in my small way I know Him... I know Him.. I know that He is the place I need to go.. I know that He is most magnificent in loving me and granting me rest and strength... I trust Him to be that which He is ... I trust Him to be the great I AM and the gentle shepherd... loving Father and all powerful Lord... I trust Him.... and in that I am confident that no matter where I find myself I can walk straight up to Him and as if all else ceases to exist it is He and I... in those moments when I need ... He is ever ready.. He is my ever ready help in all my times of need... He is so completely magnificent...


I have learned that it isn't to people to which in a place of need I need to look to first...... that one took time for me to learn... I so believe in community and relationship to me is a precious jewel upon the earth ... However I can not take the tent peg of my life and attach it to another human.....

while being all things to all men I can not be all things.... That job is already taken by one who does it so so very well... To Him I attach my life... I attach my emotions... I attach my flesh... my soul... I attach all that I am to Him...

This day did not win... gray didn't win.... wept here and wept there but upon Him did I set my eyes... If His eyes are upon the sparrow.. they are most certainly upon me... Towards Him I leaned and leaned harder as the day tried to pack its punches hard... those punches at times landed upon my heart and as if thrown into my stomach my breath was taken away but towards Him I looked and He was there... He is always there... never more than that needed breath away... in plenty He restores my soul... in grace and mercy does He pour out His presence ever so swiftly... ever so full...

My Father.. Mine... as in I belong to Him... Father... as in the most magnificent loving part of creation.... Your name is worthy ... oh so very worthy to be adored... You sit in Heaven but upon earth you pour out .. Your kingdom comes upon my very life .. your will sets itself up upon my person and nothing.. no gray.. no punch.. no sorrow.. no trial.. no tribulation.. no hardship.. nothing.. nothing gets to have its hold on me... when upon Him I lean... when into Him I go...