You know those paint spinning wheels that one finds at carnivals and fairs.... if you don't know these things I speak of... they are these spinning wheels and you have a piece of paper and bottles of paint that you can squeeze onto the plate and watch as the motion forms and fashions the paint and colors throughout the paper.
This day has felt a tad like that spinning wheel....
When a combination of being a mom to a teenager and to a two year old and four in between collide.. and I'm saying yes to a sleepover but including a but you must be home for church... and I'm adjusting to a toddler learning to fall asleep in a bed (not getting out just not falling asleep as easily) and I'm balancing the need of a four year old to bring his new rolling back pack everywhere and the need to shop for tax free weekend.. I'm seeing my twelve year old fit into his father's size 13 sneakers..(based on an idea that I got from the Lord who told me I had shoes for Gideon already and didn't need to buy them and didn't know what He was talking about and in minutes watch as indeed it all played out but who would have thought my 12 year old would be able to wear my husband's shoes)
That is just one color… mom… maybe a bright beautiful blue
Enter into that Red… a woman who wants to be a good wife… a human being who sees every day amidst all that is going on with all that “blue” the man who this human being loves and adores and believes in and desires …. A woman in love with a man … a woman trying to balance the needs of husband as a man.. as a fellow child of God.. as a friend.. companion.. soul mate .. lover…
placing red onto that spinning wheel watching red mix with blue and create purple… purple.. a family spinning together… sibling relationships.. father son relationships.. father older daughter and son relationships… father toddler daughter and son relationships… mother son and daughter relationships.. older … younger…. As red hits the plate and mixes with the blue… instantly I realize that each child has their own shade… their own songs…. Some shades I know very well and some are mysteries… some shades within each child are multiple tones… complex intricate specific mixtures.. beautiful… spinning… spinning… spinning… spinning… spinning together…. Two adults… six human beings….
Enter in yellow…. Walking a walk in vocational ministry…. At times being called away to care about another while there are still seven human beings that in my world are of the utmost importance.. beyond any other…. Asking the Lord how to understand the fact that in some moments I leave one to go to another and learn trust… that as I go and bring that which He asks to another that He is balancing the spinning of the plates and that as I stay up late to get things done or wake up early to get things done that the lack of sleep won’t play out upon the lives of my beautiful blue spinning brightest spots upon my plate… my children…. Just the work part of ministry not the ministry part of ministry takes time…. And feeling the desire to not build a house that the Lord isn’t building but to do all that He is doing… to take time and wait and watch and linger and ponder that which impressions lead me to believe that I could see what the Father is indeed doing….
Plates spinning… colors merging.. pattern playing….
Enter in Green…. Within the same moments of having all that above spinning add a hungry.. hungry heart… a heart full of questions… a heart full of wonderment… a heart of a child who is longing to know her God and know Him well… This is sooooooooo very separate from the colors spinning of ministry…. And it isn’t a slight insignificant difference…. Here adding green is where all my life will be determined….
Before I fully realize that which I am even saying I realize that the green is everything… it is the determining factor of how I walk with blue… with children.. with red… with husband… with purple …with lives of a family swinging and merging and spinning off and coming back together… with yellow… with the work of the ministry…. Green becomes the foundation for it all… He .. Him alone… I am His before I am anything else… all else flows forth from that union… Abiding in the vine.. being the branch…
Trying to understand who He is and who we are and how we are to walk within a time that needs many a David to walk onto the battlefield facing Goliath… a Daniel who can walk into a lion’s den… A Rahab that can hide foreign spies at possible personal cost…. Fisherman willing to leave it all… A widow of Zarapareth willing to believe she indeed won’t perish… a child who offers up his lunch…. A centurion full of faith and an understanding of authority…. Those who know their God to rise up and do great exploits….
The plate and its spinning comes to an end and one sees how all the colors merged and spun and danced together to form one colored page that could never be duplicated…. Each one of us dancing and spinning with the colors of our lives upon the plate of our life … each of us with a song to sing.. a part to play… colors to embrace.. colors to dream about.. colors to learn with and desire… colors to wrestle with and spin with and play with….
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