Woke up this morning to a picture of am umbrella. So many thoughts...... 

As the picture stayed within me those thoughts turned to a realization.  I am about to turn 39. And am not concerned about turning 40 at all.  I said earlier that I am only getting better with age.  And though those that heard my statement laughed I wondered about the truest implications of that which I said.  

As I thought this morning the understanding that it has almost been two decades of walking away from the first two decades of my life came upon my heart and mind and stayed there.  

Healing is a process. Overcoming is a journey.  And then you have your suddenlys.  Or maybe it isn't a suddenly but it is a moment where choice and God collide.  

I have had to make numerous choices to leave the past behind but even with that it has still come up and presented itself.  In the way I dealt with stress or at times even simple living. 

I think the difference that has now entered my being came from a time of being told that if I could know who I was and know who God was..... Well isn't that self explanatory.  But though the words could be said the journey there was what I wondered about. 

Until two things happened...... First I know I came to a place where after two decades of walking in deeper and deeper freedom I encountered ministry that fundamentally attacked lies I had believed about the Father. Truth was spoken attached to such an amazing love that a capacity to believe on a deeper level entered my being.   So  I was able to begin  to choose to believe He is who He says and was empowered to do so in a way that I had not reached before.  

I know He has lovingly walked with me through the process of becoming these last two decades.  And I know there have been others that have as well.  One of the biggest changes that has occurred is that I have chosen to believe all He says about Himself. And in so doing have truly attached myself to Him as a plumb line. 


He is my all in all.  Daily.... Moment by moment I encounter a God..... A Father who adores me .... Who delights in me... Who cares for me..... Moment by moment I interact with the creator of all that there is and yet His heart is ravished by one glance of my eye.  


To say the choice became easy negates the decades of harm and destruction and then rebuilding. But seeing what the choice was is what made it easy. I could stand or sit or wallow in mud or I could walk engulfed in the presence of One whose love knows how to wash that all away. 


I guess what I hunger to scream out to all who would listen is that the agonies that we encounter or have encountered in life were carried upon the body of our Lord as He breathed out and it was finished.  There is no place that is better to walk than under the canopy of the umbrella of that truth.