10 healed .... Or only 1

Understanding no English tears streamed down her face... the caroling had gone from singing Christmas songs to worshiping and the presence of God was beautiful... I looked at her and she was wiping tears from her eyes...

 Sitting at a coffee shop... sitting in an area of a near by city and feeling the pulse of Father's heart for the people that passed by the window... one man passed the glassed window and he caught my attention... honor him... honor him was that which Father's heart desired....

 Walk here and walk there... sit... pause... look...

 They are people... there are people every where ...

hearts...

hopes...

 desires...

 Father's desire...

 not a number.. not a notch on someone's salvation belt ...

 Had I come to a place where thinking I knew what to do I anticipated going forward in strength... in understanding the way to walk.... having paused and allowed time to sit upon me and to slow down and be engaged with the breathing rhythm of God there were whole other places to walk.... totally other places to engage...

 As I found His rhythm and His grace.. I stopped thinking what I had to offer and saw ... saw souls.. saw pain.. passion.. laughter... anger... despair... desperation...

 In lieu of power manifestations... in lieu of God showing up in wonder and awesome deeds how am I to walk? In lieu of the miraculous what steps are to be taken... In these thoughts that which is exposed is me... and even in the writing of this I touch His garment... "In wonder and awesome deeds" is a leg being healed a greater work than handing a cold cup of water to one in His name.... I still level.. I still think of greater and lesser works.. when truly it is what is He doing at this moment... and doing that....

 Glass of water or stepping into a place where He is healing what is the end result of either?

 A heart... a heart...

 lepers healed .. only one came back to say thank you.. 10 healed.. one truly .... 10 Physically healed... one made whole......

 May the days and moments of my life be lived in such a way that makes others whole.... cup of cold water... or hot coffee... song sung... physically healing... miraculous provision... It becomes only about Him.. all Him.. only Him... His hands.. His feet.. His voice.. His joy.. His shadow.. Him.. He..

There was a response I wanted to walk in with but then I realized no.. that isn't what I want after all....

Acknowledging what I wanted to say I was forced to sit back and take another look... There are places I don't want to step any longer... My flesh.. my soul had a response... but there are lens that I don't want to see through any more... I wanted His response.. His way of seeing the situation.. His ways of compassion to rule.. Not to step into blind naivete but to embrace love... the kindness of it.. the truth that it delights not in wrong doing but it always hopes.. always perseveres.. always believes...

I want my eyes to see as He sees... I want my heart to embrace what He embraces.. I want to walk where He walks ... I want to be of another place while being in this one... I want the nature and character of who I am truly and intrinsically to come forward and I don't want to walk in a lesser nature any longer... How often does the lesser nature come through? How often do I not pause long enough to make a better choice?

There are references to the love of most growing cold... and in those times that which will shine forth are those that carry the torch of love... boldly and confidently knowing the nature and character of God and who it is that they are within the reality of the Kingdom...

Love is eternal.. it will never fade away.. and in that reality I desire to step in and always see with eyes that are full of love.. to step into situations and circumstances not with a mind set on the flesh but a mind set on the reality of the awesome truth of the love of God...

I feel the times shifting under me.. I feel the reality of His love and His grace surrounding me... I feel how it lifts me up.. how it invites me to a place I could not arrive at on my own....

I find myself putting upon my eyes the lens of Father even more lately .. I had closed my eyes to unseen things for so long... seeing I saw but tried to ignore... and the very places I had protected my heart from living I now find myself dwelling upon.... dwelling in places where I see and feel and am altered by knowing that I must hold onto Him and a compassion that only flows forth from Him ..

I am so dependent upon abiding... abiding in Him and not leaning upon my own understanding.. not leaning upon my own ways but in all my ways acknowledging Him.. and allowing that to change me.. to alter me... to make me more like Him.... Love's course flows and marks and changes and alters if it is allowed to.. if love is allowed to have its way.. it's way looks so very different than ever anticipated but in its way the most amazing things happens.

He has anchored me to that truth .. with just one word.. Who would have thought the word "nest" was quite that powerful... certainly not I!

I was doing some research this evening and I stumbled upon something that I thought was truly interesting... The word, niche, which can be described as a situation or activity specially suited to a person's interests, abilities, or nature is originally derived from the old french word, nichier. Now it is that word that peeked my interest... for nichier means to nest....

The second I saw that not just one light bulb went on but dozens... dozens and I couldn't write enough notes and single words to capture all I was thinking so I wouldn't lose one thought.. not one thought... Something in that meaning hit my spirit and lights went off... They went off in regards to keys for people... keys that could lead people into a deeper understanding of their beauty and value to Father... and I trembled at the thought of it …

Even now I can feel the truth of these realizations flowing through my being.... and yet wonder can I convey this.. can I write it down.. can I find the words that would express that which I feel so deeply....
Well.. I don't know but I am certainly going to try....

It wasn't so much the habitation of baby birds that caught my being into this place but rather that which an expectant mother does as she is closing in on the time her baby is to come into the world... The desire to have everything perfect.. to have everything ready... to be prepared for the arrival of the new life …...

So the word niche coming forth from a word that would mean “nest”.... well, it caught into me the Jeremiah passages... “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord! “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.. Plans to give you a hope and a future...” The reality of that before the foundations of the earth He knew us and He has loved us with an ever lasting love....

He “nested!” He planned and He dreamed and He loved... before we were even yet created He was creating for us a place... a place where we could be with Him and always enjoy fellowship with Him...

There are activities... capacities that we are called to walk in that He has made the preparation for... He has carved out the niche.. He has “nested”.. ours is to do by believing and trusting in that beautiful divine nature of unfathomable love.... His passion for us knows no end... His desire for us was the very joy that was set before Him... You are that joy as am I!

Your life is specifically suited for you to live.... He knew that which would have to be overcome and He planted within each of us the capacity to overcome.... His nature and character are what we can most certainly rest upon and in that nature and character the trustworthiness of His love is more solid then anything we could ever imagine...

Just picture... picture the soon to be mother... carrying within her the joy and the delight that she has anticipated and waited for .. and even if that isn't your reality... picture it.. go ahead and dream it... imagine it..... that mother... longing for everything to be made right... that mother desiring for everything to be in order.... that mother who is human and who can fall into the category of when Christ spoke that those of us who are human (or evil) desire to give good gifts how much more does our Father who is in heaven desire these things....

For I know the plans I have for you... for me... He declares it.. and He is not a man that He should lie... I don't know something clicked as I read about “niches” tonight... something so deep inside me... some switch that got turned on.... He is for us!!! He is so for us!!! And it is written THAT IF HE IS FOR US WHO THEN CAN BE AGAINST US!!!!

He has anchored me to the truth of His love... nothing can separate me from that... nothing... “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which in Christ Jesus our Lord....” Romans 8:38-39

Something in that little word turned a switch on and the Love of Christ and confidence that flows forth from that love saturated my very being... Oh to Him be the glory forever and ever...... Our Kingdom... the reality of His life... the reality of what our life is..... How amazing.. How stunning.. How brilliant... what joy completed at the thought of such a love.... How powerful... How astonishing... How phenomenal.. What power... The love of God that rose Christ from the dead living and pulsating through us.. His sons and His daughters.... What a testimony of life.... What a delight!!!

The age old question ... what should I write about?

So what should I write about? The question filled the air....

So many different trains of thought filled my own head... The joys and trials of being a mom... The journey of having been in ministry for over two decades.. The journey I walk as a daughter of God and the aspect of me as a creative being who loves ... LOVES words.... I love words... I love expression... So where does one start....

Well... I close my eyes... and at times I have my headphones on listening to worship... at other times in the early hours of the morning I sit in quietness and allow the stillness of a house that is rarely still to just saturate my being...

Ah so tonight... the age old question... "what should I write?" Well.. you are the only you... I love the Big Bird song... "There's Just One Me!"


There's just one me
Nobody like me
Take a look and see
Just one me
The sound of my voice is like no voice that you've heard
Whatever I am, I know I'm one special bird!

There's just one me
Nobody like me
Look around and you'll agree
In the whole wide world of people that you see
There is just one me!

There's just one you
Nobody like you
Take a look, it's true
Just one you
The smile on your face is like no smile that I've seen
You're one special person if you know what I mean

There's just one you
No other person
Who does all the things you do
Yes, it's absotively, posolutely true
There is just one you!


What should you write you asked? Well there is only one you... and only one you that thinks the way you think and walks the way you walk and has to share that which you have to share.....

So what is my advice? Be brave!!! Be courageous!!! And write!!! Don't edit yourself... close your eyes and write and write and write as if no one else was ever going to read it... dare to be the most you that you have ever been and then press that button... Publish that post... and soar... soar in the knowledge that you have a voice and there are things that need to be said and need for you to say them... Believe.... You have a story.. a journey and I will be richer for getting to partake in it

From Past to Present to Future..... eyes that look behind me and see where I have been now look down the path and envision where it is I go...

I don't know what brought me back to those early posts this morning but to them I went.... I think it goes into this other writing project that I touch every now and then and then leave it tucked away until I bring it back out again....

I read in one early blog post how at sometimes past stories of my life are hard to tell... when I look back upon them I see them through new eyes and don't exactly remember the places walked as they were walked when they were walked...

But then that brought me here to this place and to the now.... to the realization that one day I will look back upon these days with different eyes.. with the eyes of time and age and with the new understandings that come... This morning much has traveled in and out of my head but the key points are that which follows....

Becoming a daughter... being a daughter... growing in truth... embracing God's truth as my reality...

What is so revolutionary about Christ? What is so revolutionary about our faith? Is that it is living.... it isn't a statue we pay homage to or a set of beliefs... It is a man.... a man... a man who lived and walked and song His song into our lives and continues to do so....

The other day as I was thinking of Him.. this whole reality that He is that He is
bore its weight down upon me and looking up a new trust was born... not a trust out of the flesh or worked up in some sort of religious frenzy but a belief that He is for me.... and then today a dear friend sent me that Roman's passage and my heart soared.

Another dear friend lives and breaths truth..... speaking forth the word of God like the two edged sword it is and breaking off lies and false beliefs... He has given me the gift of knowing that no matter what I can stand upon the word of God.. That God is faithful to His word and that the reality within scripture is breath taking and stunning and alters the steps I take when I adhere to that which it speaks.... It too is living and active..... The Word became flesh... Christ the Word.. The Word of God living and active and true....

Having lived so many lies and having been under so much falsehood I bath myself in the word and call myself to adhere to that which it speaks...

Again seeing a new path emerge.. and not sure where upon retrospect how I will see this season but I anticipate that it will be seen in the light that steps were taken... once again I was or am leaving behind the old and taking upon me the new..... considering all things lesser I press on towards Christ and His Kingdom and His ways...

A bolder daughter I am becoming.... more sure of footing every day... not that there aren't set backs and struggles and doubts but I am looking at them with new eyes... reminding myself from where I have come from and to where I am going...

So I'll Let You Know..... How it practically plays out walking forward into a new land

There is a parking lot that I go to often ... I love that parking lot.. I turn my car around and face a building that my church uses on Sundays and I allow the warmth of the sun to fill the car... I turn on my ipod and continually live in astonishment about the reality of how guided the shuffle is by Holy Spirit....

The warmth and heat of the sun.. the worship that takes me to the foot of my Lord... my car, the parking lot, the building..... and yes... to my left a place that has drawn my attentions .... a camp ground.. a camp ground with people who my Father adores... and desires....

I have sat in my car and looked out my window and thought about that camp ground for hours....

Not too long ago during such a time the words of Isaiah would be brought to mind and I would look at the camp ground with new eyes.... The truest of fasts before me.... So I don't come today with testimonies... I come today with fish and loaves... so very little actually.... but truly the two stories that will guide this next season of my walk will be the testimonies of the man healed at the gate Beautiful and the feeding of the 5000... I have so little to nothing to offer... but my God does amazing things with little to nothing.....

Walking forward into a new land..

A girl among giants

I have heard that phrase in my head for days now and while I had glimpses of where to go I had no time but even beyond that point the time had not yet arrived where the full vision for this piece would emerge....

This morning picture after picture and phrases after phrases danced in the air all about me until I could no longer just observe...

What does this mean to me? A girl among giants. Oh so much....

I sat at my desk last week cradling my head in my hands.... Having come to a place where my lack of ability met up with reality I did not truly know how to practically do that which was before me.... Then my truest self began to emerge... "Lord, this certainly can not be of strength or of might for I have none.. not in this area.. and you have yet to bring forth to us those that are mighty and strong." I could feel life in the words as they fell from my mouth and I continued.."So it must be of Your Spirit... for is not by power not by might but by Your Spirit that I will walk this road."

From that point on the pictures started to flow... I felt like the spies seeing a new land... I felt like David in the field with the sheep having then come upon the field ... There were so many giants... Myself to name the biggest but not the least...

My lack screaming in my ears as the dreams and the truth of who our Lord is swelled in my heart.... truth and doubt meeting to form a swirl so great that I thought I would lose myself completely. Hearing the words that it was not by strength and might that these emerging roads would be walked upon but by Him and through Him I entered into a slight rest...

I am girl.. I am a girl in love with a God ... I am a girl who sees the armies of believers as paralyzed at times as those Israelites who listened to the raging of Goliath.. I feel that own trepidation within my heart as his bellows fill the air.... I am a girl in love with a God who has seen the land full of the wonders of her Lord and yet recognizes the battles that are to be faced....

I would question that in a line up of brothers would I even be in the line.... there is much I might know to do... but much I have seen and don't long to do... scurrying for this or that I just don't want in my make up.... And in a journey of spying out the land would I be the two who had courage to say, "we can take it!" Courage and boldness aren't always in my possession...

So the giants are real even if some of them are just in my head.... giants of finances.. giants of lack of skill... giants of lack of connection... giants of who am I anyway... giants of the thoughts that there are those better equipped... more able.... giants of doubt... giants of fear... and then truth erupts on the scene and the gray fog and darkness of the night gives way to a light so pure and so beautiful and so clear... It's not about me anyway....

I have spent time in the fields and not gone into battle but have fought the scermages ... I have looked over the horizon of a land emerging and felt the trembling of the earth only to command courage to enter my being and know that the Lord is the maker of the earth and that every knee of every giant will bow before Him... I have looked to the stories of the feeding of the 5000 and the healing of the man at the gate beautiful as one might look to guides upon a mountain pass...

"Silver and gold have I none.." So much I do not possess.. this isn't doubt .. this is truth ... however the greater truth (or as Aslan would put it "a deeper magic")is that in my weakness He is strong... and it isn't just a nice accolade or complimentary thought to speak forth that Kingdom isn't of strength or might but by Spirit...

At a women's conference so many years ago I received a notebook and upon the cover was the word, Miracles. I have never prayed for a lame man or woman and had them walk... I have never prayed for deaf ears to be opened and watched as upon the face the expression of a human being is dazzled as they hear their first sounds.. I have not seen blind eyes open.. I have not seen the multitudes fed.... all the giants and all the voices grow loud in my ears...

Who am I to think that I would see such things or be used in such a way? And then the words of the column on the side of this blog ring in my ears... "Who are you not to be?"

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking
so that others won't feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in every one.
As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (Nelson Mandela)

Having been in the movement of Vineyard churches the stories of John Wimber reside within my heart... a man praying for the sick without result for nine months because it was a mandate he knew he had received...

"Who are you not to be?" It isn't that I am special that I journey out into this land ... I am simply and profoundly a girl among giants but the testimony has gone out and the land is beautiful and it is to be taken.. not by strength nor by might did those walls come down and those battles be won... a giant wasn't taken down by a seasoned warrior... but by a boy who had some stones and knew.... I might only have the courage and faith of a mustard seed but I have a hunger within me that will only be satisfied as the blind see, the lame walk, the deaf hear..... So I put myself out there... among the giants ... for giants were made to be slain by the stones of a boy... (Or in my case that of a girl)