Sometimes it takes hours for me to get to a place where I am at a place I am willing to write... but I walk that journey because I know in the walk.. each time... I am more after.... So I swallow hard and I pace and then I sit... sometimes I try to get back to sleep and pretend that I don't see and that I don't hear and that I don't know what to write... but the words are there... they are there...
Life... death... choices.... sometimes ours ... sometimes not....
So many things that we truly aren't in control of.... so then what I am in control of... what can I choose.....
Well, I can choose... life or death... I choose love or hate... I choose forgiveness and the foolish aspects of my truest home.. my heavenly home... My Father's Kingdom... or I can choose to be wise in my own eyes.. and you see when I put it like that why would I choose the ways of this world over the ways of my Father.... and He sits with me and I lean into Him and we walk....
Tonight... tonight once again I saw battlefields... which I think is weirdly funny because I always think after I see one and I walk through it and emerge that there won't be another one... isn't that some what naive on my part... maybe it is... maybe it just shows that the battlefields haven't won over my heart... and that I am still willing to emerge with hope intact... still willing to emerge from them with faith.. wiser maybe... more solemn sometimes... quieter sometimes.... but emerge from them always with the grace and love of my Father I will...
Battlefields... ever think about those vacations where they tell you to come visit the battlefields of old.. see where this civil war battle occurred or one from the revolutionary war... see where victories were won... or lost (depends on how you look at it) come see the ground that was once so blood stained... where men died... men who were sons.. fathers... brothers... friends... don't you think that is weird.... history.... for the sake of history.....
Certain buildings are like that for me... different places.... different times... different faces... different names.... but pictures of portraits and places sometimes dance upon my mind and my heart like those battlefields...
I have friends who don't believe in God right now... who wouldn't step foot into a worship service if their life depended on it.... People I know got divorced... people I know well they died... literally or inside..... they died.... and I don't think you just walk away from things like that unchanged....
Not ever unchanged....
Tonight I had a picture of a dear friend and she and I walked onto a battlefield from sides that were opposite of one another ... and we met in the middle and just looked at one another... eyes full of knowledge I don't think we were ever intended to bare... hearts full of stories and weight that we weren't ever really meant to have.... and there was blood... and there were wounds... and we sat on the ground knees to our chests and held one another and the rains came.... and we sat there.. allowing them to soak us... allowing them to bring their healing properties... we sat there in that place and grew strong again... learned to hope again... learned to walk again......
So I see battlefields.. and at times my breath is taken away and I feel like I was punched in the stomach and so I pray.... I pray and I rest in the arms of the most capable One I know ...... I sit and I ask for Him to make my heart more like His...
I pray Jabez's prayer... but not so that I can be abundantly blessed as the culture ripped into years ago but so that I won't do harm..... because I have felt the angels remove the bullets from my back that had been lodged there and I don't want to be the one that would ever place them there in another....
The battlefields... why their hold comes and goes... I welcome the residue... it stays upon my mind and my heart.... and I think it makes me more the person I truly want to be... I think it teaches me well... that love is always patient and always kind and that it covers... and that I won't seek my own way.... or my own whatever....
It almost won... it almost won with my heart... those fields almost took my heart into a world so hard and cynical and sarcastic .... but a good friend wrote this article about in boiling water you can become a carrot or an egg.... and that began the road back for me.... a carrot become mush and an egg become hard.... and the battlefields and the enemies and those that shoot didn't win... instead they became the soil for which love could grow even stronger....
Here's to being a mush.....................................
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Not just in the yet to come.... what can it look like
A few days ago while on a news website I went to this video and within it was the tale of these people in great need.... great need of physical healing... and the pictures won't leave me alone.....
I'm not about to jump into works of the flesh because I have seen some pictures of people in great need.... But I am about to jump into a journey even more of sitting at my Father's feet..............
You know this past Sunday I walked through this experience where (not giving him credit ) but where the enemy that is the lion that looks for who he can try to devour roared into my person .... uhm... not literally so much... and yet the picture I get is of me standing in front of this crazed lion who is roaring and wind is blowing out of his mouth and the gust of it is hitting me as I stand in its fury........... key word... STAND..... and it comes and it goes.. and it went................... and still I stand..... and yet since then while I have walked through the echos of that roar and had to deal with the sound of them.. I have watched my Father as He has arisen upon that scene.... and has not only placed Himself between that roar and His child but has then shown Himself strong in oh so very many ways................
Our Kingdom and Our God are incredible... They are firm and strong and reliable... Our God is that He is.... and there is nothing that can affect that.............. I rest solidly in that..... I rest solidly in the knowledge that my God and my King and my Father and My Savior IS.......................
I rest there and stay there and pursue that which that reality of His rule and His reign upon the earth in the now not just in the yet to come can look like.....
I'm not about to jump into works of the flesh because I have seen some pictures of people in great need.... But I am about to jump into a journey even more of sitting at my Father's feet..............
You know this past Sunday I walked through this experience where (not giving him credit ) but where the enemy that is the lion that looks for who he can try to devour roared into my person .... uhm... not literally so much... and yet the picture I get is of me standing in front of this crazed lion who is roaring and wind is blowing out of his mouth and the gust of it is hitting me as I stand in its fury........... key word... STAND..... and it comes and it goes.. and it went................... and still I stand..... and yet since then while I have walked through the echos of that roar and had to deal with the sound of them.. I have watched my Father as He has arisen upon that scene.... and has not only placed Himself between that roar and His child but has then shown Himself strong in oh so very many ways................
Our Kingdom and Our God are incredible... They are firm and strong and reliable... Our God is that He is.... and there is nothing that can affect that.............. I rest solidly in that..... I rest solidly in the knowledge that my God and my King and my Father and My Savior IS.......................
I rest there and stay there and pursue that which that reality of His rule and His reign upon the earth in the now not just in the yet to come can look like.....
If I am going to be a Christian then it can't be about religious dogma... How known can God be?
There has been so much that I have thought of these days and months.... as I try and grapple with for me what it means that I am a Christian.... what does that mean to me? What does it need to look like? What does it really need to look like? When the discrepancies of my life and the life that Christ speaks of exist how do I reconcile that in not a tongue in cheek manner......
I can live within the mysteries of the unknown.. but I can no longer live within excuses for myself ... while I walk this earth I must pursue the reality of the aspect of the Kingdom of God is at hand.... the already and not yet.... I must pursue the heart of my Father and not know Him out of some religious acknowledgement to the truth of His existence....
If I am going to be a Christian then it can't be about religious dogma ... I don't underestimate the need in today's world to have an understanding of true Christian principles and a concrete understanding of scripture.... But I don't think there is lack of that... I don't think there is lack of discussion over that which is authentic Christian foundational belief...
But what I think about is how known can God be............... How known? How intimate can we get with the Father and His Son and the Holy Spirit? How close? How full? What does that look like? What does that entail of a person? How does one walk there? What does it look like?
John Wimber has this quote...
"The ability to hear what God is saying, to see what God is doing, and to move in the realm of the miraculous comes as an individual develops the same intimacy with and dependence upon the Father. How did Jesus do what He did? The answer is found in His relationship with the Father. How will we do the 'greater works than these' which Jesus promised? By discovering the same relationship of intimacy, simplicity and obedience. "
So what does that look like? I am not sure... but I am hungry.... and upon the days that I walk upon this world I must find out... upon the journey that is my life... I must walk this path... How did Enoch walk with God? What does the oneness that Jesus prayed for us all look like? What does it look like?
As I have journeyed thus far I have been engaged at times within the embrace of love so magnificent and so strong that it causes all things to fade away..... how do I live there in the reality of my God.. in the reality of my Father's Kingdom... how do I live there... and what do I do with the discrepancies?
On Earth as it is in Heaven... My Father's will being done..... for me what does that look like? Well.. it has to be that which was said to do... the great commission ... But in all of that in has to start with my Father... His heart... loving that quote from John Wimber because that is where it starts and ends.. in Him and through Him....
What does it look like.... How far can I walk into Him.... How deep can I know Him.... How full of His love and affection can I be...... Those are the questions and I walk towards the answers.. plunging into that which is Him...........
I can live within the mysteries of the unknown.. but I can no longer live within excuses for myself ... while I walk this earth I must pursue the reality of the aspect of the Kingdom of God is at hand.... the already and not yet.... I must pursue the heart of my Father and not know Him out of some religious acknowledgement to the truth of His existence....
If I am going to be a Christian then it can't be about religious dogma ... I don't underestimate the need in today's world to have an understanding of true Christian principles and a concrete understanding of scripture.... But I don't think there is lack of that... I don't think there is lack of discussion over that which is authentic Christian foundational belief...
But what I think about is how known can God be............... How known? How intimate can we get with the Father and His Son and the Holy Spirit? How close? How full? What does that look like? What does that entail of a person? How does one walk there? What does it look like?
John Wimber has this quote...
"The ability to hear what God is saying, to see what God is doing, and to move in the realm of the miraculous comes as an individual develops the same intimacy with and dependence upon the Father. How did Jesus do what He did? The answer is found in His relationship with the Father. How will we do the 'greater works than these' which Jesus promised? By discovering the same relationship of intimacy, simplicity and obedience. "
So what does that look like? I am not sure... but I am hungry.... and upon the days that I walk upon this world I must find out... upon the journey that is my life... I must walk this path... How did Enoch walk with God? What does the oneness that Jesus prayed for us all look like? What does it look like?
As I have journeyed thus far I have been engaged at times within the embrace of love so magnificent and so strong that it causes all things to fade away..... how do I live there in the reality of my God.. in the reality of my Father's Kingdom... how do I live there... and what do I do with the discrepancies?
On Earth as it is in Heaven... My Father's will being done..... for me what does that look like? Well.. it has to be that which was said to do... the great commission ... But in all of that in has to start with my Father... His heart... loving that quote from John Wimber because that is where it starts and ends.. in Him and through Him....
What does it look like.... How far can I walk into Him.... How deep can I know Him.... How full of His love and affection can I be...... Those are the questions and I walk towards the answers.. plunging into that which is Him...........
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
In awe of how the affections of the Father create a wall against the tyraids of the enemy
There is a darkness ... there are dark deeds... they make their impression... they sound their roar... they aren't mirages ... they are real.... and while the reality of those things exist in this world that we live in... they are no longer full of right to exist... they are no longer full of any authority.... I do believe that life in Christ grants us back authority and dominion over creation.... I also think upon the fact that most don't know how to live there without stepping into some rut....
It isn't about what word of faith circles would say ... ie.. the name it and claim it variety.... It is found more in my estimation in relationship with the Father... in walking with Him as daughter or as son.. we can learn to understand the authority that truly rests upon us and within that expression of love walk as creations that He always intended us to be............
Always intended for us to be.. that is a statement I have thought upon much lately... I know that the intentions for my life from the heart beat of my Father were not lived out... I know that that which was was never anything He ever intended to occur upon my person..... I know that.. I know that because I know Him... a Creator... a King of all kings that allowed His subjects free will and choice..... that only causes me to love Him all the more....
So He always intended that creation would be subject to the authority of the ones (us) that He placed upon it... He wanted us to learn that when something is spoken.. such as He had done... the multiple "Let it be" statements ... that those things must be....
Again I do not at all put that to some ridiculous car or house... my goodness trashing the principle of the Kingdom upon material things is pathetic............ He spoke.. let there be light and there was light that had never existed.. He spoke that the stars and planets would be in place and they had to submit to His will.......... am I going to take that authority and pimp it out or prostitute it out for my own gain....
That is the enemy and his ways... not the ways of my Father... My Father is magnificent and full of all that is good and right and holy... and in Him there is perfection .. there is love.....
There truly is no equal comparison to things of darkness and things of light.. no yin and no yang.. not equal.. not equal at all.. the enemy rages and destroys and that doesn't even hold a candlestick up to the power of our Father to create.. and to heal .. and to speak life.....
Upon my recent days there were events that would have their origin more within darkness and yet the hand of my Father within these days has been precious and strong and beautiful.... He makes all things new... all things must submit to His authority.. to His ways... all knees and all voices...... we will all bow.. we will all confess...
In present days when darkness tried to push and see if it can meter out the same allotment as the past..... It met up with a wall of love that has grown around my heart from time spent knowing His affections and believing in them.. and knowing that they are strong and assured more than the air I breath.......
The past tried to roar in with the ferociousness of a hungry lion... but instead of capturing its prey and devouring it.... it merely scraped the surface.... I didn't leave that encounter unscathed.... that will be the next time .. while hoping there is not a next time... I refuse to fear if there is..........
this time the scrape hit my legs and my heart and my mind.... sent me stumbling a tad.. ok dear reader.. more than a tad... but knocking me off my feet I did not stay there.... and terrorizing my heart it did not succumb to living there...
A strength is born when under the affections of our Creator we sit.. and we sit.. and we sit... That is where living upon the rock matters and changes all things... that the storms.. they come.... they come and the winds blow.... and I am not foolish to speak into the storm and say do your best... but I am one who says having tried your best and having done your all... I will stand... I might have to reach out to hold on.. to steady myself .. but it isn't a bar or some tree limb I hold onto ... it is the very strong and more than capable arm of my God....
The darkness tries to close in... the lion walks around seeking one who he can devour... but I am no longer that one..... for even on the days when I to steal lyrics from the song, Kiss the Son, I can't even walk onto the fields of praise... I do bow... I bow down and kiss the Son........... on days when weakness and terror and all that attempt to close in .... on days when sorrow and sadness push their way into life.... I stand having done all I know to do.. and I bow ... getting real low as to wait for Him to lift me back up........
I trust Him to walk me through the valley of the shadow of death... I trust that though death resides there the One I walk with knows the way out.... He has all that authority... He's been there... and He knows what life on the other side looks like and that ... that is the life we live....
Still startled by the horrors of the dark worlds and still saddened by their existence I know that that is no longer where I live.... and while the shadows may even attempt to linger.. the Light that comes washes them away and I am left better that they were exposed then if they had not been...
It isn't about what word of faith circles would say ... ie.. the name it and claim it variety.... It is found more in my estimation in relationship with the Father... in walking with Him as daughter or as son.. we can learn to understand the authority that truly rests upon us and within that expression of love walk as creations that He always intended us to be............
Always intended for us to be.. that is a statement I have thought upon much lately... I know that the intentions for my life from the heart beat of my Father were not lived out... I know that that which was was never anything He ever intended to occur upon my person..... I know that.. I know that because I know Him... a Creator... a King of all kings that allowed His subjects free will and choice..... that only causes me to love Him all the more....
So He always intended that creation would be subject to the authority of the ones (us) that He placed upon it... He wanted us to learn that when something is spoken.. such as He had done... the multiple "Let it be" statements ... that those things must be....
Again I do not at all put that to some ridiculous car or house... my goodness trashing the principle of the Kingdom upon material things is pathetic............ He spoke.. let there be light and there was light that had never existed.. He spoke that the stars and planets would be in place and they had to submit to His will.......... am I going to take that authority and pimp it out or prostitute it out for my own gain....
That is the enemy and his ways... not the ways of my Father... My Father is magnificent and full of all that is good and right and holy... and in Him there is perfection .. there is love.....
There truly is no equal comparison to things of darkness and things of light.. no yin and no yang.. not equal.. not equal at all.. the enemy rages and destroys and that doesn't even hold a candlestick up to the power of our Father to create.. and to heal .. and to speak life.....
Upon my recent days there were events that would have their origin more within darkness and yet the hand of my Father within these days has been precious and strong and beautiful.... He makes all things new... all things must submit to His authority.. to His ways... all knees and all voices...... we will all bow.. we will all confess...
In present days when darkness tried to push and see if it can meter out the same allotment as the past..... It met up with a wall of love that has grown around my heart from time spent knowing His affections and believing in them.. and knowing that they are strong and assured more than the air I breath.......
The past tried to roar in with the ferociousness of a hungry lion... but instead of capturing its prey and devouring it.... it merely scraped the surface.... I didn't leave that encounter unscathed.... that will be the next time .. while hoping there is not a next time... I refuse to fear if there is..........
this time the scrape hit my legs and my heart and my mind.... sent me stumbling a tad.. ok dear reader.. more than a tad... but knocking me off my feet I did not stay there.... and terrorizing my heart it did not succumb to living there...
A strength is born when under the affections of our Creator we sit.. and we sit.. and we sit... That is where living upon the rock matters and changes all things... that the storms.. they come.... they come and the winds blow.... and I am not foolish to speak into the storm and say do your best... but I am one who says having tried your best and having done your all... I will stand... I might have to reach out to hold on.. to steady myself .. but it isn't a bar or some tree limb I hold onto ... it is the very strong and more than capable arm of my God....
The darkness tries to close in... the lion walks around seeking one who he can devour... but I am no longer that one..... for even on the days when I to steal lyrics from the song, Kiss the Son, I can't even walk onto the fields of praise... I do bow... I bow down and kiss the Son........... on days when weakness and terror and all that attempt to close in .... on days when sorrow and sadness push their way into life.... I stand having done all I know to do.. and I bow ... getting real low as to wait for Him to lift me back up........
I trust Him to walk me through the valley of the shadow of death... I trust that though death resides there the One I walk with knows the way out.... He has all that authority... He's been there... and He knows what life on the other side looks like and that ... that is the life we live....
Still startled by the horrors of the dark worlds and still saddened by their existence I know that that is no longer where I live.... and while the shadows may even attempt to linger.. the Light that comes washes them away and I am left better that they were exposed then if they had not been...
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Third excerpt from In My Father's House..... A walled off Garden. learning to speak and create. that which was always meant to be.. authority regained
The Walled Off Garden.......................
You are a masterful gardener and I love when we walk side by side through Your gardens... I love that which You teach and that which You show.. and that which You delight in.... I love how You know every aspect of every part of everything that was and is ever created... I love standing beside You and sensing Your greatness and Your vastness and watching You care and tender after all that You have called into being......
In this place where we wander side by side in Your walled off garden.. in Your place... In that which You treasure... I watch as You sow seeds and cause things to come forth in growth... how careful and attentive You are to where You plant Your seeds... how I see the difference of how I might do it in comparison... Your patience .... Your forethought... Your attention to detail... Your care and preparation of the soil.. there is nothing harried .... there is only diligence... there is only precision... and in watching You I realize how many seeds I sow that while good intentions fill my heart they are more seeds of my own making than of Yours...... and I learn confidence and patience as You walk me through Your garden.... as I watch You tend that which is Yours and that which You call forth to grow...
I hear Your song and how it differs upon each individual planting and seedling... and You make me aware that those songs are so very individualized and that no two breaths of Yours is ever imparted in the same way .... and how no two breaths of Yours are ever of the same air... and how when You breath into creation each breath carries with it its own song... its own display of some aspect of You and Your attributes....
How consistently and wonderfully You tend all things.... how marvelously You cause growth even in the most stubborn of plants... ... some grow slowly and flower ever so often and others grow quickly and bear fruit... whether fruit or flower Your great pleasure abounds upon all... and Your immense delight over creation is stunning...... the flower... the tree... all that makes creation that which it is bows and obeys so very perfectly.... elements of creation are uninhibited by will they are just what they are....and they hear Your command to grow or bear fruit or to flower and obey.....
These lessons in Your garden are stunning... and impact my soul in ways I could not even begin to fathom... but I feel the wisdom of Your ways as gardener... masterful gardener tend me.... My life ... Your garden... my being... submitted..... I bow ... I obey.... I want that natural tendency within me to be as those plants that just absorb Your will and do it.... they know it as You speak and they act and they grow and they flower and they bear fruit....
We walk through portion after portion of Your garden among the different sections and You are purposeful in that which You are leading me towards.. we pass flower beds in various states of growth ... we pass prepared beds of soil ready and waiting for Your seeds.. for Your words... for Your commands.... And still You lead me beyond these places to the one edge of the garden that is always in a state of becoming.....
You stop and stand there... and then turning Your head You look at me and I know... I know You want me to speak to that soil... I know You are looking forward to that which You know I speak into being...
You are teaching me the power of my words but even beyond that which I would speak you are causing me to understand that my very thoughts are empowered... and in that I take a very deep breath.... and swallow hard.... Our capacity to create.... to bring forth life.... It is stunning... but with that the understanding about how often I do just the opposite as I allow my own opinions to trump that which You would state as truth..... about a situation... about a person... and I realize the creative aspect of that which we are.. and that which You empowered us to walk in is truly something so awesome and terrifying....
You stand there and as we stand on the edge of this part of the garden where soil has yet to be cultivated and nothing has yet to emerge I recognize you are ever delighted.... and within Your delight I gain an understanding that You are waiting upon me.... You are teaching about dominion and about rule and reign and as such a picture of flowers that are bright and beautiful and unique in their make up... more like a Doctor Seuss image and full of fancy and wonderment and color fill my head and my heart ... and as I look at You and dream up and imagine those flowers You push my attention to the soil at the edge and from it comes forth the very flowers that were just pictured upon the recesses of my mind....
Ah to create with You... to embark upon a journey and an adventure with You.. to realize that in calling things that aren't as though they were we have within us the capacity to create but even more than that... we have the capacity to hold out hope and speak into lives and the atmosphere Your very design... Your intention.... We have been given back authority... we have been given it and it resides within our person.... To use for You... or to misuse for ourselves....
Oh Masterful Gardener... Tender of all creation... Your steps within this place leave their imprint upon my heart.... and my soul.. and my mind... In this place You transform my thinking and again bring forth the ways that are higher... larger... more full of life... more full of the original design .. more full of Your intentions for who I am to be...
I so very much enjoy walking these terrains with You.... they are amazing... You are amazing.. You will and Your intentions are so full here in this place.. nothing here denies You.. nothing here betrays You... Your will is carried out before even an utterance of it is upon the air.... here this place acknowledges Your complete rule and reign and in so doing it is absolutely marvelous to watch and to partake in and to absorb and to be challenged by... In this place perfection exists.. in and around You... where You are... and again my heart goes to that prayer that we were taught oh so very long ago... As it is in Heaven so may it be here... upon the earth...
May I take these lessons and live them well... may I heed Your instruction and follow it to the very essence of that which it is.... may I learn to walk here in my life within the authority and dominion that You have granted and handed back through great sacrifice of Your own..... may I not treat it carelessly or haphazardly... may I rise up to that which You are calling forth and walk forth in the liberty and power and grace that You so amazingly supply without end......
You are a masterful gardener and I love when we walk side by side through Your gardens... I love that which You teach and that which You show.. and that which You delight in.... I love how You know every aspect of every part of everything that was and is ever created... I love standing beside You and sensing Your greatness and Your vastness and watching You care and tender after all that You have called into being......
In this place where we wander side by side in Your walled off garden.. in Your place... In that which You treasure... I watch as You sow seeds and cause things to come forth in growth... how careful and attentive You are to where You plant Your seeds... how I see the difference of how I might do it in comparison... Your patience .... Your forethought... Your attention to detail... Your care and preparation of the soil.. there is nothing harried .... there is only diligence... there is only precision... and in watching You I realize how many seeds I sow that while good intentions fill my heart they are more seeds of my own making than of Yours...... and I learn confidence and patience as You walk me through Your garden.... as I watch You tend that which is Yours and that which You call forth to grow...
I hear Your song and how it differs upon each individual planting and seedling... and You make me aware that those songs are so very individualized and that no two breaths of Yours is ever imparted in the same way .... and how no two breaths of Yours are ever of the same air... and how when You breath into creation each breath carries with it its own song... its own display of some aspect of You and Your attributes....
How consistently and wonderfully You tend all things.... how marvelously You cause growth even in the most stubborn of plants... ... some grow slowly and flower ever so often and others grow quickly and bear fruit... whether fruit or flower Your great pleasure abounds upon all... and Your immense delight over creation is stunning...... the flower... the tree... all that makes creation that which it is bows and obeys so very perfectly.... elements of creation are uninhibited by will they are just what they are....and they hear Your command to grow or bear fruit or to flower and obey.....
These lessons in Your garden are stunning... and impact my soul in ways I could not even begin to fathom... but I feel the wisdom of Your ways as gardener... masterful gardener tend me.... My life ... Your garden... my being... submitted..... I bow ... I obey.... I want that natural tendency within me to be as those plants that just absorb Your will and do it.... they know it as You speak and they act and they grow and they flower and they bear fruit....
We walk through portion after portion of Your garden among the different sections and You are purposeful in that which You are leading me towards.. we pass flower beds in various states of growth ... we pass prepared beds of soil ready and waiting for Your seeds.. for Your words... for Your commands.... And still You lead me beyond these places to the one edge of the garden that is always in a state of becoming.....
You stop and stand there... and then turning Your head You look at me and I know... I know You want me to speak to that soil... I know You are looking forward to that which You know I speak into being...
You are teaching me the power of my words but even beyond that which I would speak you are causing me to understand that my very thoughts are empowered... and in that I take a very deep breath.... and swallow hard.... Our capacity to create.... to bring forth life.... It is stunning... but with that the understanding about how often I do just the opposite as I allow my own opinions to trump that which You would state as truth..... about a situation... about a person... and I realize the creative aspect of that which we are.. and that which You empowered us to walk in is truly something so awesome and terrifying....
You stand there and as we stand on the edge of this part of the garden where soil has yet to be cultivated and nothing has yet to emerge I recognize you are ever delighted.... and within Your delight I gain an understanding that You are waiting upon me.... You are teaching about dominion and about rule and reign and as such a picture of flowers that are bright and beautiful and unique in their make up... more like a Doctor Seuss image and full of fancy and wonderment and color fill my head and my heart ... and as I look at You and dream up and imagine those flowers You push my attention to the soil at the edge and from it comes forth the very flowers that were just pictured upon the recesses of my mind....
Ah to create with You... to embark upon a journey and an adventure with You.. to realize that in calling things that aren't as though they were we have within us the capacity to create but even more than that... we have the capacity to hold out hope and speak into lives and the atmosphere Your very design... Your intention.... We have been given back authority... we have been given it and it resides within our person.... To use for You... or to misuse for ourselves....
Oh Masterful Gardener... Tender of all creation... Your steps within this place leave their imprint upon my heart.... and my soul.. and my mind... In this place You transform my thinking and again bring forth the ways that are higher... larger... more full of life... more full of the original design .. more full of Your intentions for who I am to be...
I so very much enjoy walking these terrains with You.... they are amazing... You are amazing.. You will and Your intentions are so full here in this place.. nothing here denies You.. nothing here betrays You... Your will is carried out before even an utterance of it is upon the air.... here this place acknowledges Your complete rule and reign and in so doing it is absolutely marvelous to watch and to partake in and to absorb and to be challenged by... In this place perfection exists.. in and around You... where You are... and again my heart goes to that prayer that we were taught oh so very long ago... As it is in Heaven so may it be here... upon the earth...
May I take these lessons and live them well... may I heed Your instruction and follow it to the very essence of that which it is.... may I learn to walk here in my life within the authority and dominion that You have granted and handed back through great sacrifice of Your own..... may I not treat it carelessly or haphazardly... may I rise up to that which You are calling forth and walk forth in the liberty and power and grace that You so amazingly supply without end......
Even the Tax Collectors.... the spotted and speckled... the liars, dreamers, misfits. that is where He would be..... that is where I want to be
Now people are fickle... and for the most part especially in these days "stick to itness" is out the window ... Not overestimating the life sways of a crowd... There are all the crowd issues when one looks at how people responded to Jesus...
But the aspect that most fills me with wonder is when I read the different accountings of Jesus' interactions with men and women and children when He walked the face of the Earth ... they only cause me to love Him all the more....
I love when accounts of Him walking in His authority are written.. I love how the people state how different He is from the other religious teachers of the day.. they marvel at His authority...
I also love the accountings when it is written that "even the tax collectors came to Him.." I mean "even" they came to Him.... All of the "theys" of our day.... I know that they would come to Him too....
I love how it is all written... the lost.. the destitute... the poor... the broken... the weary... I love one of the mottos of the church we attend... "Liars... Dreamers.. Misfits... I loved how other leaders I have known and walked with have talked about the "spotted and speckled"...
The religious ones ... hhhmmm not so much....
It has been interesting to me as I have dedicated myself to writing this blog and through the different seasons have grown with it.... what I marvel at right now is how the more embarrassed I am to write something.. the more I cringe inside as I write about the places I am at times within my soul... the more I feel the Lord on it and in my life.....
People are broken.. they are weary.. they are heavy laden... and they need to hear the words...that there is a place of rest...I need to hear those words.... and while I don't always rest there I want to .... In sharing hearts and breaking down walls and defenses I truly believe we are walking into that other.. that other that astonished the people in Jesus' day....
That real place... where we risk with one another.. and we love the good.. the bad and the ugly about one another.. and we love....
People don't need more show.. they don't need more entertainment... they really don't need church to be like the culture... whether they know it or not people need Jesus as He was ... as He is.. and I'm after that.... on good days and bad... on days of rejoicing and days of weeping... on days when He takes me by the hand and leads me into wondrous moments and on days when it feels like a brick wall is between us....
I have to walk into a place where I am more and more like Him... for myself.. but for those that surround my life.... His relationship with the Father... His capacity to do that which our Father was doing in the moment... His capacity to love.. His capacity to know and have confidence in who He was and what it was He was doing...
It is the power and passion of Christ that we all need.. and in walking towards that.. and hungering after Him... and in being real... and in not shunning those that are trying to find their way imperfectly I know we'll get there.... Love always is triumphant.... always....
While the crowds might be fickle .. love certainly isn't and love stands the test of time...
And I look to the time when we walk more and more as He walked... daily ... with power .. love and authority.... completely submitted to Him... and doing that which the Father is doing in our midst.....
I remember being at an outreach and this same sex couple let me pray for each of them ... I prayed for each one for almost 45 minutes... taking the scriptures and the prayers of Paul and using the truth that the Father is also their Creator and using language that they could receive.... they didn't get saved that day but they definitely were brought into a place of receiving God's love for them and brought closer to the day when their eyes would be open to receive the truth about the "Lover of their souls..." I mean "even the tax collectors" will come to Him....
Are we ready for them?
Are we able to be real and genuine and not hide behind religious notions that we have all the answers.. I know Jesus is the answer (PERIOD) but I know that there is oh so much I don't know... and I'm willing for Him to sort that all out.....
I want to be more like Him and walk in grace and love and see as He saw people... lost.. afraid.. wandering.. without a shepherd... without a home.... But with a Father who is heart hungry for them...
But the aspect that most fills me with wonder is when I read the different accountings of Jesus' interactions with men and women and children when He walked the face of the Earth ... they only cause me to love Him all the more....
I love when accounts of Him walking in His authority are written.. I love how the people state how different He is from the other religious teachers of the day.. they marvel at His authority...
I also love the accountings when it is written that "even the tax collectors came to Him.." I mean "even" they came to Him.... All of the "theys" of our day.... I know that they would come to Him too....
I love how it is all written... the lost.. the destitute... the poor... the broken... the weary... I love one of the mottos of the church we attend... "Liars... Dreamers.. Misfits... I loved how other leaders I have known and walked with have talked about the "spotted and speckled"...
The religious ones ... hhhmmm not so much....
It has been interesting to me as I have dedicated myself to writing this blog and through the different seasons have grown with it.... what I marvel at right now is how the more embarrassed I am to write something.. the more I cringe inside as I write about the places I am at times within my soul... the more I feel the Lord on it and in my life.....
People are broken.. they are weary.. they are heavy laden... and they need to hear the words...that there is a place of rest...I need to hear those words.... and while I don't always rest there I want to .... In sharing hearts and breaking down walls and defenses I truly believe we are walking into that other.. that other that astonished the people in Jesus' day....
That real place... where we risk with one another.. and we love the good.. the bad and the ugly about one another.. and we love....
People don't need more show.. they don't need more entertainment... they really don't need church to be like the culture... whether they know it or not people need Jesus as He was ... as He is.. and I'm after that.... on good days and bad... on days of rejoicing and days of weeping... on days when He takes me by the hand and leads me into wondrous moments and on days when it feels like a brick wall is between us....
I have to walk into a place where I am more and more like Him... for myself.. but for those that surround my life.... His relationship with the Father... His capacity to do that which our Father was doing in the moment... His capacity to love.. His capacity to know and have confidence in who He was and what it was He was doing...
It is the power and passion of Christ that we all need.. and in walking towards that.. and hungering after Him... and in being real... and in not shunning those that are trying to find their way imperfectly I know we'll get there.... Love always is triumphant.... always....
While the crowds might be fickle .. love certainly isn't and love stands the test of time...
And I look to the time when we walk more and more as He walked... daily ... with power .. love and authority.... completely submitted to Him... and doing that which the Father is doing in our midst.....
I remember being at an outreach and this same sex couple let me pray for each of them ... I prayed for each one for almost 45 minutes... taking the scriptures and the prayers of Paul and using the truth that the Father is also their Creator and using language that they could receive.... they didn't get saved that day but they definitely were brought into a place of receiving God's love for them and brought closer to the day when their eyes would be open to receive the truth about the "Lover of their souls..." I mean "even the tax collectors" will come to Him....
Are we ready for them?
Are we able to be real and genuine and not hide behind religious notions that we have all the answers.. I know Jesus is the answer (PERIOD) but I know that there is oh so much I don't know... and I'm willing for Him to sort that all out.....
I want to be more like Him and walk in grace and love and see as He saw people... lost.. afraid.. wandering.. without a shepherd... without a home.... But with a Father who is heart hungry for them...
Monday, April 25, 2011
He is the song when I know not how to sing.....
There are scriptures that either Jesus says or things that are said about Him.... things like when He on numerous times speaks that He tells the truth...."I tell you the truth" He says....
Or when it is said of Him in Isaiah... He was despised and rejected by people. He was a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering. He was despised like one from whom people turn their faces, and we didn't consider him to be worth anything.
As I have struggled with God to communicate the things upon my heart ... as I have looked up at Him and then lowered my eyes only to say ok..... I will write that.... I will share... the comments that come only then to serve His purposes..... I am trying to come to a place where I don't mind as much to share whatever that is that He wants me to.... and when I hear that it isn't just for me to have some sort of open crazy diary it makes all the difference ...
What's that song 2am..... (Breath)
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
I can't write just because it is like that... I'm not like that....
But what I am like is the publican... I stand before God head bowed.... with pockets laid bare and empty..... broken.... full of questions .... lacking answers... trembling before Him ... acknowledging that He is my place... He is my home and without Him... oh my goodness without Him I am very aware of where I would be...
He truly holds me together.... His hand and heart and spirit ... His ways... His face... His eyes... that gaze.... without that I am very very aware of where I would live.. and who I would be...
Jesus told the truth.... but it is said of Him that He was acquainted with sorrow....and familiar with suffering.... He was despised... rejected and men thought nothing of Him.... put that up against the show man ship and flashy shows that go on at conferences and auditoriums displaying a gospel that entertains and thrills.... instead of portrays the heart of the best Good news that there is ......
So I am acquainted with sorrow these days... and familiar with suffering... maybe not so much despised or rejected but there isn't anything within me that would draw the attention of man... but I really do believe that my heart draws the attention of my God.....
I sit very quietly with Him these days... I look at Him as He looks back at me... in my weakness His strength is granted... and in my most frail moment and greatest failures He manifests His life within....
Brokenness before God is not anything to be ashamed of .... everyone has their thing... some hide it better and some have more grace... some know how to focus better upon His love and His grace... I do ... at times... at times standing beside Him and seeing Him and knowing Him I feel invincible... and it is because of His love and mercy and grace... and at other times... I just sit quietly with Him .. and wait upon Him and know that as I wait upon the Lord He will renew my strength...
No hype ... no show... just a girl.. so very much in love with my God.. and knowing that no matter what I have no where else to go... so wait upon Him I will.... He is my all in all.. strength in weakness... song when I know not how to sing.... He is all that and more...
There is no shame in sorrow... grief... rejection... and there is one who fully understands.. and is the greatest advocate anyone could ever need...... His eyes tell the story and His heart sings the song.... and we can rest upon Him for He is gentle and humble of heart and He grants rest for the soul........
Or when it is said of Him in Isaiah... He was despised and rejected by people. He was a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering. He was despised like one from whom people turn their faces, and we didn't consider him to be worth anything.
As I have struggled with God to communicate the things upon my heart ... as I have looked up at Him and then lowered my eyes only to say ok..... I will write that.... I will share... the comments that come only then to serve His purposes..... I am trying to come to a place where I don't mind as much to share whatever that is that He wants me to.... and when I hear that it isn't just for me to have some sort of open crazy diary it makes all the difference ...
What's that song 2am..... (Breath)
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
I can't write just because it is like that... I'm not like that....
But what I am like is the publican... I stand before God head bowed.... with pockets laid bare and empty..... broken.... full of questions .... lacking answers... trembling before Him ... acknowledging that He is my place... He is my home and without Him... oh my goodness without Him I am very aware of where I would be...
He truly holds me together.... His hand and heart and spirit ... His ways... His face... His eyes... that gaze.... without that I am very very aware of where I would live.. and who I would be...
Jesus told the truth.... but it is said of Him that He was acquainted with sorrow....and familiar with suffering.... He was despised... rejected and men thought nothing of Him.... put that up against the show man ship and flashy shows that go on at conferences and auditoriums displaying a gospel that entertains and thrills.... instead of portrays the heart of the best Good news that there is ......
So I am acquainted with sorrow these days... and familiar with suffering... maybe not so much despised or rejected but there isn't anything within me that would draw the attention of man... but I really do believe that my heart draws the attention of my God.....
I sit very quietly with Him these days... I look at Him as He looks back at me... in my weakness His strength is granted... and in my most frail moment and greatest failures He manifests His life within....
Brokenness before God is not anything to be ashamed of .... everyone has their thing... some hide it better and some have more grace... some know how to focus better upon His love and His grace... I do ... at times... at times standing beside Him and seeing Him and knowing Him I feel invincible... and it is because of His love and mercy and grace... and at other times... I just sit quietly with Him .. and wait upon Him and know that as I wait upon the Lord He will renew my strength...
No hype ... no show... just a girl.. so very much in love with my God.. and knowing that no matter what I have no where else to go... so wait upon Him I will.... He is my all in all.. strength in weakness... song when I know not how to sing.... He is all that and more...
There is no shame in sorrow... grief... rejection... and there is one who fully understands.. and is the greatest advocate anyone could ever need...... His eyes tell the story and His heart sings the song.... and we can rest upon Him for He is gentle and humble of heart and He grants rest for the soul........
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