A song running through my head and my heart ... brings me to a moment where I am caught up in You.... it is a game of mirror.. and I wait and I watch... You move to act I follow Your actions... You rise on this one's behalf I do the same... You open Your mouth to speak I say the words....
Watching You my eyes are glued upon You and that which You do..... I want to do all that You move to do...
In this moment there is a solemn type aspect to that which surrounds me and I tilt my head to look and to wait and to watch.....
In this moment You make Your heart known for me.... that in Your heart I am established and I can never be anything more than that which I am... Yours... I see where You are going and I lower my eyes.. heart affected... ... and yet You pull me back towards Your gaze... to let it melt into me that which You are saying....
I can never be more... nothing I can ever do will ever add anything to that which You have done... but I can be less and the solemn aspect to Your presence increases to the point that without Your very apparent grace I would crawl under the table...
I can operate in a place less than that which You have opened for me to live in....
I can be less than that which You have called me to be.... I can choose that.... I can choose the less than .. there is no condemnation in this moment.... in these moments where the thickness of Your presence settles into the room... there is only love and strength and grace alongside this very solemn and serious stance of Yours...
My affections only rise towards You... my heart only hungers to love You more.. there is no sense of performance here.. no sense of disappointment here... no sense of lack of approval here.... No.. there is nothing but Your grace and Your hunger and You.....
I can choose the more than part of the equation.. not that I become more than but in You I am more than I could have ever imagined being.... ever dreamed of... in You I become the more than....
The seriousness of these moments won't lift... so I look back up towards You and thinking of the mirror game I watch You and wonder about that which You want to say... You press into me and I am left speechless ... swallowing... eyes closed... capturing a breathe...
This isn't a game .. and within it that which He is moving forward for me to comprehend there is an aspect of rebuke.... it is a statement of fact.... and His serious nature has me a bit on the edge....
His ways leave me marveling at how He operates... through His affections He leads me to a place where I can acknowledge the depths of His affections and at the same time receive a word that could cause me to melt like an ice cube on pavement in the heat of a high Summer afternoon...
There is so much grace to move forward... so much grace to take steps towards maturity.... Those steps however have to be walked out..... Wisdom and grace are abundant... But clearly there is an aspect of this being the timing to do so......
A knowing gaze being held between us ... and the atmosphere begins to lift and change and settle ... I know that which He desires... and I am setting myself to the place that I will walk wherever He goes... and will see and do that which He does...
His most amazing nature has captivated my heart and my fingers don't need to be pried off of anything .....all that I am .. all that I have ever been... I lay at His feet and choose to follow .....
I can do no other thing but that.....
What is left is a beautiful silence ... filled with the strength of His heart... filled with the beauty of His passion.... He is my God but He serves me and He lifts me up to a better way of living by His grace....
the wonderment of this love can never be expressed.. but I am finding in this moment that it actually finds its most full expression in this silence that is lingering between us... it is a knowing.. it is a depth of understanding.... of who we are to each other... He is my God and I surrender all I am to Him... and in that He declares over me that I am more than I could even begin to understand... in the silence of this moment more is said than I had ever anticipated.....
Friday, April 8, 2011
Keys to actually getting there... Part 4: Courage
I remember hearing stories of friends of mine in regards to what it was like to homeschool 20/30 years ago.. It wasn't what it is today... There weren't tons of curriculums to choose from... School districts understood even less and there was much ground to be broken... They were the pioneers ....
I have also heard friends tell stories about the beginnings of some of other movements and other aspects to the Kingdom that we walk in now and that instruction has been able to grow and develop and shift and change.. Such as with the inner healing movement ... Again pioneers
Well ... I am trying to find the words to express the birth pangs I feel under my feet these days... I've had six children ... The last four completely natural .. I know what it is to languish in child birth.. To shift positions ... To get up and move.. To breathe... To groan...
These expressions are so thick in the atmosphere... The air humid and full of the sounds.. The ground bending and turning and twisting and groaning...
I keep hearing on the wind the names of Lewis and Clark... I keep seeing in my mind's eye a land whose terrain has yet to be mapped out..
A people standing on a line looking forward into the proverbial Jericho and having their backs facing the wilderness and their faces turned towards the Jordan and beyond ... Not knowing the what's but knowing we would rather die than not cross over....
Leaving the wilderness having learned to lean and heads up and forward looking at all the new horizons yet to be walked in..
I could use fancy words and say I believe that the revealing of the sons and daughters of God is at hand but I would rather say this...
I am more like Lot's wife and those that longed for Egypt than like Joshua... I would love to think that I would have been like the two spies but if I was honest with myself I would have been more apt to be those that cowered in light of the giants that were in the land... That is an honest assessment of me...
But courage has landed slightly and even more than that I am finding as I look back I'm not satisfied by what I had... So I'm somewhat stuck... In this place of not knowing that which is before me and not wanting that which is behind me...
I can't go back and I don't want to circle around again... So I'm crossing the line... Away from the known and into the unknown ... Into places I haven't been before ... Into situations I haven't seen before..
But before Moses we aren't told a bush ever burned but wasn't consumed and before Him we aren't aware of rivers parting so that a nation could walk through... Men have walked in furnaces and were not burned... Daniel in the lion's den and not eaten....
The new terrains aren't without the giants or the obstacles but I just keep putting one foot in front of the other... Knowing that truly there is no where else to go
Courage... Courage is needed to get to the not yet... Courage to let go and courage to go... Courage to admit lack of insight and know how but a willingness to learn on the go...
Courage.. May it be yours .... May it mine... Here is to exploration.. Here is a toast to the land .. Here is the sons and daughters being revealed
I have also heard friends tell stories about the beginnings of some of other movements and other aspects to the Kingdom that we walk in now and that instruction has been able to grow and develop and shift and change.. Such as with the inner healing movement ... Again pioneers
Well ... I am trying to find the words to express the birth pangs I feel under my feet these days... I've had six children ... The last four completely natural .. I know what it is to languish in child birth.. To shift positions ... To get up and move.. To breathe... To groan...
These expressions are so thick in the atmosphere... The air humid and full of the sounds.. The ground bending and turning and twisting and groaning...
I keep hearing on the wind the names of Lewis and Clark... I keep seeing in my mind's eye a land whose terrain has yet to be mapped out..
A people standing on a line looking forward into the proverbial Jericho and having their backs facing the wilderness and their faces turned towards the Jordan and beyond ... Not knowing the what's but knowing we would rather die than not cross over....
Leaving the wilderness having learned to lean and heads up and forward looking at all the new horizons yet to be walked in..
I could use fancy words and say I believe that the revealing of the sons and daughters of God is at hand but I would rather say this...
I am more like Lot's wife and those that longed for Egypt than like Joshua... I would love to think that I would have been like the two spies but if I was honest with myself I would have been more apt to be those that cowered in light of the giants that were in the land... That is an honest assessment of me...
But courage has landed slightly and even more than that I am finding as I look back I'm not satisfied by what I had... So I'm somewhat stuck... In this place of not knowing that which is before me and not wanting that which is behind me...
I can't go back and I don't want to circle around again... So I'm crossing the line... Away from the known and into the unknown ... Into places I haven't been before ... Into situations I haven't seen before..
But before Moses we aren't told a bush ever burned but wasn't consumed and before Him we aren't aware of rivers parting so that a nation could walk through... Men have walked in furnaces and were not burned... Daniel in the lion's den and not eaten....
The new terrains aren't without the giants or the obstacles but I just keep putting one foot in front of the other... Knowing that truly there is no where else to go
Courage... Courage is needed to get to the not yet... Courage to let go and courage to go... Courage to admit lack of insight and know how but a willingness to learn on the go...
Courage.. May it be yours .... May it mine... Here is to exploration.. Here is a toast to the land .. Here is the sons and daughters being revealed
Actually getting there.... Keys to moving forward to the not yet... Part Three: Community
I will not be able to write this one well but Father is pressing and before I have even finished this statement my heart is being twisted and tears are running down my face.... I know that I don't know even the things I don't know and I don't know much... but I do know this... "And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken" Ecc. 4:12
I will never forgot the day I truly learned that we are genuinely stronger when we are loved and when we are surrounded by people who see us and love us....I was so much older than I would think one should be in learning this lesson ... but I will never forget sitting in their driveway... surrounded by them and their family...everyone at ease with one another.... laughing ... telling stories... cooking out... I left that house that day and it had finally dawned on me... ah... one is truly stronger when surrounded by love.... one is truly more solid inside when loved and accepted....
I really don't have it in me to make this piece my best... because I am raw in this place... my heart is tender in this place... I have too many questions still floating and landing hard in this place before the Lord in regards to this topic....
I don't mean to diminish anyone or make myself larger.. but in regards to Martin Luther King Jr. dream for racial equality and civil rights .. he had a dream of a day that would hold within it something other than that which he lived in.... my heart pulsates with a dream that sees the world truly knowing that we are Christians because we love.... because we love... that the first adjective that would flow off of anyone's lips when they thought of the type of person that would be a Christian would be love... they might not agree with what one believes but that they would most definitely know that Christians above all else are characterized by love....
I think of the book of Acts and I think of the way it is spoken of how the Christians lived their lives together and I get hungry.... I get hungry for that picture.....
I am stronger when I don't stand alone.... I am more when I am surrounded by others.... The Body of Christ.... the Church... the Bride.... there we are ... when one of us is weakened we are all weakened but when one of us is strong we are all strong....
There is this exercise that I have participated in ... it is done by telling of this story but the real task is to see who can get a ball down a line of people the fastest..... and I have watched groups of people attempt to do it in all ways....
so picture two lines of people trying to get a ball down that line in the fastest way possible...
what would you do?
How would you do it?
Think about it.. how could you the fastest way possible get a ball down the line... now no one in the line can be skipped... the first person can't run back and hand the ball to the person at the end....
Community... relationship... libraries could and are filled with books on the subject..... and I have no answers at this point.. just a head and heart full of questions..... which you know what isn't fun but it is ok..... maybe in the journey of it all we will find the answers together....
I have found it is in the sitting and wondering and in the vulnerability and transparency of the moment with another human being that that which books could never capture is found..... when hearts are shared and walls come down.. and time is made and a people are gathered that changed occurs.... and that there is time and patience and persistence that is needed....
A hunger grows within my being more and more ... to the point that it awakens me and causes me to ache and long for the more.. for the not yet.... but I will stand and be hungry and I will be awoken and ache .... because this ... whatever this will be ... will be worth it...
You see I have a dream.... I have an assurance that one day there will be a Bride and there will be perfect unity but I along side that assurance I do believe that way before that happens there will be a people... a community that was hungry enough to venture out and try ... to venture out and see ... to step away from safe and engage in a dialogue of sorts that involves the puzzle of finding out what living this life together is truly about... I have a dream... a dream that I do believe my Father is making into a reality....
Oh... yes... the activity... what is the fastest way to get the ball from the first person to the last.... it is by all in the line to hold hands... when one is weak we are all weak.. when one is strong we are all strong.. when one is holding the ball then we are all holding the ball..... we are more together than we are apart... what that will look like I have no idea... but here is to walking out the dream......
I will never forgot the day I truly learned that we are genuinely stronger when we are loved and when we are surrounded by people who see us and love us....I was so much older than I would think one should be in learning this lesson ... but I will never forget sitting in their driveway... surrounded by them and their family...everyone at ease with one another.... laughing ... telling stories... cooking out... I left that house that day and it had finally dawned on me... ah... one is truly stronger when surrounded by love.... one is truly more solid inside when loved and accepted....
I really don't have it in me to make this piece my best... because I am raw in this place... my heart is tender in this place... I have too many questions still floating and landing hard in this place before the Lord in regards to this topic....
I don't mean to diminish anyone or make myself larger.. but in regards to Martin Luther King Jr. dream for racial equality and civil rights .. he had a dream of a day that would hold within it something other than that which he lived in.... my heart pulsates with a dream that sees the world truly knowing that we are Christians because we love.... because we love... that the first adjective that would flow off of anyone's lips when they thought of the type of person that would be a Christian would be love... they might not agree with what one believes but that they would most definitely know that Christians above all else are characterized by love....
I think of the book of Acts and I think of the way it is spoken of how the Christians lived their lives together and I get hungry.... I get hungry for that picture.....
I am stronger when I don't stand alone.... I am more when I am surrounded by others.... The Body of Christ.... the Church... the Bride.... there we are ... when one of us is weakened we are all weakened but when one of us is strong we are all strong....
There is this exercise that I have participated in ... it is done by telling of this story but the real task is to see who can get a ball down a line of people the fastest..... and I have watched groups of people attempt to do it in all ways....
so picture two lines of people trying to get a ball down that line in the fastest way possible...
what would you do?
How would you do it?
Think about it.. how could you the fastest way possible get a ball down the line... now no one in the line can be skipped... the first person can't run back and hand the ball to the person at the end....
Community... relationship... libraries could and are filled with books on the subject..... and I have no answers at this point.. just a head and heart full of questions..... which you know what isn't fun but it is ok..... maybe in the journey of it all we will find the answers together....
I have found it is in the sitting and wondering and in the vulnerability and transparency of the moment with another human being that that which books could never capture is found..... when hearts are shared and walls come down.. and time is made and a people are gathered that changed occurs.... and that there is time and patience and persistence that is needed....
A hunger grows within my being more and more ... to the point that it awakens me and causes me to ache and long for the more.. for the not yet.... but I will stand and be hungry and I will be awoken and ache .... because this ... whatever this will be ... will be worth it...
You see I have a dream.... I have an assurance that one day there will be a Bride and there will be perfect unity but I along side that assurance I do believe that way before that happens there will be a people... a community that was hungry enough to venture out and try ... to venture out and see ... to step away from safe and engage in a dialogue of sorts that involves the puzzle of finding out what living this life together is truly about... I have a dream... a dream that I do believe my Father is making into a reality....
Oh... yes... the activity... what is the fastest way to get the ball from the first person to the last.... it is by all in the line to hold hands... when one is weak we are all weak.. when one is strong we are all strong.. when one is holding the ball then we are all holding the ball..... we are more together than we are apart... what that will look like I have no idea... but here is to walking out the dream......
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Actually getting there.... Keys to moving forward to the not yet... Part two: Identity
I can picture it as if it was just yesterday.... I was headed off to teach a class and as I drove up this hill thoughts of the different things I would be teaching came to mind as did the places where there were discrepancies within my life concerning the things I was about to teach and where my life and character were..... I will for the rest of my life remember those next moments that were about to unfold.....
As I drove up that hill.... gosh I can still see it all.... I began to pray... and I lifted up to God those discrepancies and I spoke that especially now that I was about to teach those things I need to get my life and my character stronger within all those things... and God spoke as clear as day.... How about you get your life and character stronger because you are mine....
In the years that would follow He would spend season after season bearing that into all that I am..... my identity... my worth would never come forth from anything I would ever do.... I would never earn anything more or lose anything more ... I was not to be defined by where we lived, what we earned, who we were around, what we did or didn't do......
I don't know about you... but this is about me and I have promised to be honest with you... if I am anything I have promised to be transparent in all my wonderings.....
there have been many times that I have come to the place where I realized that there were banners over my heart and the label on the banner wasn't Jesus.... I came to places where I realized I had a confidence born forth from having my identity more in what I did and who I was around or what group I belonged to than in Jesus and being my Father's daughter....
Cultural divides within denominations or organizations have their influence over that which forms us however those very things can as easily be dogma and intellectual
strongholds that are more from man than from God....
I don't know.... I really don't know.... I write often that I am just a girl following her God and that He loves me and I love Him because for me that brings the greatest commandment to life.... Love Him... love each other... and in all those things the law is fulfilled....
I allowed so much to clutter and clog up my heart..... I allowed a sense of self importance to enter my heart not because I was God's but because I was part of this movement or that denomination or this organization....
I have learned in deeper ways than ever that God will not share us with other things... He will let us have other things but when we turn our hearts and our eyes to only have Him ... than He will make it very clear where our hearts have had idols... and friend we are made to worship... I am made to worship and if I am not worshiping God than I will be worshiping other things ... my propensity to allow security within one thing or another to fill my heart with false assurances is large.....
My worth comes from one place... from one place it is defined and made solid... and from one place it stands in such a way that in that place it is not able to be moved... but if I move from that place and I put my identity in what I do or who I am to any other human being... I'm not just talking about ministry... its not enough to God that I am a mom... that I am a wife ... that I am a housekeeper..( a lousy one at that but that is that) ... I can't hide my identity anywhere other than in Him.... I can't allow anything other than Him to set and define worth.... why? because all ... everything.... the whole kit and caboodle can change.... all the sands that we can build upon can be washed away.....
All the sands we build upon can be washed away and leave us standing their confusion and bewildered and I don't want to be confused and bewildered anymore... I don't want to feel any assurance other than the assurance that comes from standing on the Rock and knowing that I am my Father's daughter... and if His eyes are on the sparrow than they most definitely and certainly are upon me and that He defines me and from Him flows forth the definitive explanation of my worth... my Creator adores me ... fashioned and refashioned me.... knit me together... is passionate about me... planned a future for me....
He didn't plan a future for me so that I could be defined by it but rather that I would define it as I walked in Him.....
I love ... love ...love a story that a great teacher tells..... I always get the story wrong when I go try to tell it but the crux of the story is that we are no more and no less than that which we are..... the story is of a vision where there is a cookie monster like thing walking around this place and there are groups of people standing in clusters.... and the cookie monster like thing wants to know what is the secret for the church today.. and each group thinks that they know.... and as they excitedly explain their answer the monster says something like wrong answer and eats them all up.... then this gentleman says, " I know... I know" and he then says "we are no more and no less than that which we are".... and the monster like thing looks at him and says "good answer" and moves forward eating the other clusters of people....
Not the best rendition of that story but you get the point..... we are no more... we aren't special because of how we look, or what we make, or our influence, our ministry, our intelligence, our beauty, our friend's list, our ... and the list could go on and on.... we are no less... we are HIS... WE ARE HIS... we belong to the Lord of Lords and King of Kings... His hand is upon our lives... His definition of who we are is all that we need to stand in and the most simple and profound definition is that we are His... WE ARE HIS.....
A great great great book on this subject... a very profound read... the deepest work that you could study on this topic is a children's book by Max Lucado entitled, "You are Special." All joking aside this book should be on the top of everyone's list when it comes to finding your identity in God.....
Who is anyone else in your life to put the proverbial stars and dots (from the story) the accolades and detractions of man upon Your person... they are people just like you..... and no matter what if they are putting stars and dots upon you they are letting others put stars and dots on them and that ... well, that is just sad....
Identity is the way forward... identity in Him.. solely in Him... we will move forward into the not yet when we allow Him to be the only one that defines us.... when we stand firm under the banner that He is our God and we are His people .... That His heart is for us and our heart is for Him... that the Father's heart is towards His sons and daughters and His sons and daughters' hearts are towards Him than the world will tremble... because the sons and daughters of God will be revealed... and that... that will be a most awe inspiring thing.....
As I drove up that hill.... gosh I can still see it all.... I began to pray... and I lifted up to God those discrepancies and I spoke that especially now that I was about to teach those things I need to get my life and my character stronger within all those things... and God spoke as clear as day.... How about you get your life and character stronger because you are mine....
In the years that would follow He would spend season after season bearing that into all that I am..... my identity... my worth would never come forth from anything I would ever do.... I would never earn anything more or lose anything more ... I was not to be defined by where we lived, what we earned, who we were around, what we did or didn't do......
I don't know about you... but this is about me and I have promised to be honest with you... if I am anything I have promised to be transparent in all my wonderings.....
there have been many times that I have come to the place where I realized that there were banners over my heart and the label on the banner wasn't Jesus.... I came to places where I realized I had a confidence born forth from having my identity more in what I did and who I was around or what group I belonged to than in Jesus and being my Father's daughter....
Cultural divides within denominations or organizations have their influence over that which forms us however those very things can as easily be dogma and intellectual
strongholds that are more from man than from God....
I don't know.... I really don't know.... I write often that I am just a girl following her God and that He loves me and I love Him because for me that brings the greatest commandment to life.... Love Him... love each other... and in all those things the law is fulfilled....
I allowed so much to clutter and clog up my heart..... I allowed a sense of self importance to enter my heart not because I was God's but because I was part of this movement or that denomination or this organization....
I have learned in deeper ways than ever that God will not share us with other things... He will let us have other things but when we turn our hearts and our eyes to only have Him ... than He will make it very clear where our hearts have had idols... and friend we are made to worship... I am made to worship and if I am not worshiping God than I will be worshiping other things ... my propensity to allow security within one thing or another to fill my heart with false assurances is large.....
My worth comes from one place... from one place it is defined and made solid... and from one place it stands in such a way that in that place it is not able to be moved... but if I move from that place and I put my identity in what I do or who I am to any other human being... I'm not just talking about ministry... its not enough to God that I am a mom... that I am a wife ... that I am a housekeeper..( a lousy one at that but that is that) ... I can't hide my identity anywhere other than in Him.... I can't allow anything other than Him to set and define worth.... why? because all ... everything.... the whole kit and caboodle can change.... all the sands that we can build upon can be washed away.....
All the sands we build upon can be washed away and leave us standing their confusion and bewildered and I don't want to be confused and bewildered anymore... I don't want to feel any assurance other than the assurance that comes from standing on the Rock and knowing that I am my Father's daughter... and if His eyes are on the sparrow than they most definitely and certainly are upon me and that He defines me and from Him flows forth the definitive explanation of my worth... my Creator adores me ... fashioned and refashioned me.... knit me together... is passionate about me... planned a future for me....
He didn't plan a future for me so that I could be defined by it but rather that I would define it as I walked in Him.....
I love ... love ...love a story that a great teacher tells..... I always get the story wrong when I go try to tell it but the crux of the story is that we are no more and no less than that which we are..... the story is of a vision where there is a cookie monster like thing walking around this place and there are groups of people standing in clusters.... and the cookie monster like thing wants to know what is the secret for the church today.. and each group thinks that they know.... and as they excitedly explain their answer the monster says something like wrong answer and eats them all up.... then this gentleman says, " I know... I know" and he then says "we are no more and no less than that which we are".... and the monster like thing looks at him and says "good answer" and moves forward eating the other clusters of people....
Not the best rendition of that story but you get the point..... we are no more... we aren't special because of how we look, or what we make, or our influence, our ministry, our intelligence, our beauty, our friend's list, our ... and the list could go on and on.... we are no less... we are HIS... WE ARE HIS... we belong to the Lord of Lords and King of Kings... His hand is upon our lives... His definition of who we are is all that we need to stand in and the most simple and profound definition is that we are His... WE ARE HIS.....
A great great great book on this subject... a very profound read... the deepest work that you could study on this topic is a children's book by Max Lucado entitled, "You are Special." All joking aside this book should be on the top of everyone's list when it comes to finding your identity in God.....
Who is anyone else in your life to put the proverbial stars and dots (from the story) the accolades and detractions of man upon Your person... they are people just like you..... and no matter what if they are putting stars and dots upon you they are letting others put stars and dots on them and that ... well, that is just sad....
Identity is the way forward... identity in Him.. solely in Him... we will move forward into the not yet when we allow Him to be the only one that defines us.... when we stand firm under the banner that He is our God and we are His people .... That His heart is for us and our heart is for Him... that the Father's heart is towards His sons and daughters and His sons and daughters' hearts are towards Him than the world will tremble... because the sons and daughters of God will be revealed... and that... that will be a most awe inspiring thing.....
Monday, April 4, 2011
Actually getting there.... Keys to moving forward to the not yet... Part one: communication
This morning I began to think upon areas of communication.... The ability to bring words together in order to convey thoughts, ideas, opinions....
As I thought upon these things different scenarios filled my head... As I thought through the different situations I could see some truly important aspects to good communication...
Courage, patience, tolerance... A willingness to express truthful statements with love.... To name only a few....
How many times have I wished after a conversation that I had said something more or something differently? Or how many times have I bore witness to something and kept my mouth shut only to then think about the many different things I should have said?
Other scenarios that filled my thoughts were times when within a conversation something is said that leaves the hearer wondering if there was more behind that which was said.... But in that wonderment do we ask the question was there something ?
Honesty, transparency... Valuing those we are in relationship with enough that a willingness to risk truly conveying that which is upon our hearts and minds is a crucial component to communication and relationship......
I emerged from a life of lies and manipulation... I'm emerging from a life of more timidity then courage... I'm beginning to more fully live my life in a way that is the most intrinsically who I see myself to be ......
In so doing I hunger and desire for authentic relationship .... I am passionate about honest dialogue..
So I've been conditioning myself to say that which is on my heart ... Believe me there are many times I want to retreat but I can't ... I have found a freedom and depth to life and have overcome fear and angst in so many ways that I don't ever want to go back.....
Language is an incredible tool... Words are a most beautiful gift we can give to one another.....
There are conversations that are hard and awkward to have however if we value each other and what I have realized if we value ourselves we will give voice to them....
The relationships that emerge from those conversations are the richest ones I have.... In those relationships I rest because I know they will speak to me when there is something to be said.. I don't have to exhaust myself thinking about was there more they wanted to say but didn't .... I feel seen and known within those relationships and they are the dearest treasures....
I feel a sense of worth within them... I feel alive within them... I feel safe within them.... I feel cherished within them....
When I was first saved one of my favorite things that Jesus said was .. "I tell you the truth.." I had been so lied to that I took great comfort in the fact that I could rest in the knowledge that God would never lie to me...
I want to give that same gift to those I'm in relationship with.. I am who I am... you get what you see and what I say I mean ... If there is something more to be said I'll say it...
Truth... Communication.... Love.... Transparency .... Vulnerability....
Thinking enough of those I'm around to just be me and let the cards all fall where they may.....
As I thought upon these things different scenarios filled my head... As I thought through the different situations I could see some truly important aspects to good communication...
Courage, patience, tolerance... A willingness to express truthful statements with love.... To name only a few....
How many times have I wished after a conversation that I had said something more or something differently? Or how many times have I bore witness to something and kept my mouth shut only to then think about the many different things I should have said?
Other scenarios that filled my thoughts were times when within a conversation something is said that leaves the hearer wondering if there was more behind that which was said.... But in that wonderment do we ask the question was there something ?
Honesty, transparency... Valuing those we are in relationship with enough that a willingness to risk truly conveying that which is upon our hearts and minds is a crucial component to communication and relationship......
I emerged from a life of lies and manipulation... I'm emerging from a life of more timidity then courage... I'm beginning to more fully live my life in a way that is the most intrinsically who I see myself to be ......
In so doing I hunger and desire for authentic relationship .... I am passionate about honest dialogue..
So I've been conditioning myself to say that which is on my heart ... Believe me there are many times I want to retreat but I can't ... I have found a freedom and depth to life and have overcome fear and angst in so many ways that I don't ever want to go back.....
Language is an incredible tool... Words are a most beautiful gift we can give to one another.....
There are conversations that are hard and awkward to have however if we value each other and what I have realized if we value ourselves we will give voice to them....
The relationships that emerge from those conversations are the richest ones I have.... In those relationships I rest because I know they will speak to me when there is something to be said.. I don't have to exhaust myself thinking about was there more they wanted to say but didn't .... I feel seen and known within those relationships and they are the dearest treasures....
I feel a sense of worth within them... I feel alive within them... I feel safe within them.... I feel cherished within them....
When I was first saved one of my favorite things that Jesus said was .. "I tell you the truth.." I had been so lied to that I took great comfort in the fact that I could rest in the knowledge that God would never lie to me...
I want to give that same gift to those I'm in relationship with.. I am who I am... you get what you see and what I say I mean ... If there is something more to be said I'll say it...
Truth... Communication.... Love.... Transparency .... Vulnerability....
Thinking enough of those I'm around to just be me and let the cards all fall where they may.....
Sunday, April 3, 2011
wondering what puzzle was I a piece to ... God stepped forward and bore His heart
I stood in the pew... the music filled the air... and my hands gripped the back of the pew in front of me..... tears streaming down my face... questions filling my head....wonderment of the days and times ahead ....
Feeling a bit lost and out of place... wondering what puzzle was I a piece to and where did I fit....
Being in a place of surrendering... surrendering the golden cows I have made... surrendering the areas I felt I was strong in... surrendering the places where I thought I knew what to do.... surrendering all the Isaacs that I have been given... laying them upon the alter.... feeling so naked... so vulnerable... so alone... so lost
Then He was there... staring at me... and well.. I was completely and utterly left undone.... (let me clarify.... He didn't physically appear... but in every way I know Him He didn't have to... I knew He was there) Staring at me...looking at me... I attempted to utter words of repentance... repentance for a weak heart that would look back at the proverbial Egypt and long for that which was known... instead of facing all new terrains that have yet to be mapped out....
And as He silenced me and spoke I was left as a puddle... His reassurance that though I do not know the path upon which I walk it has been laid out before me... and it is certain.. it is not flimsy... it is not a possibility... it is not delicate... it is certain... and He is capable of keeping me on it...
In my frailty I know my propensity for lacking courage or determination or perseverance... but I am even more determined in these days not to quit... I might just end up dragging my weary (fill in the blank) across whatever finish line might be there but dragging... broken... weary... I go forward.... I know no other way... I can't even fish ... I have no plan B... This is it... this is all I know to do... walk with Him and be His...
God stepped in and showed me His heart... while I long for so very much to be revealed to me in regards to that which will be and the desires of my own heart ....He did show me that the puzzle that when put all together would be incomplete without my piece is my Father's heart... and wherever He brings me I belong to Him...That no matter what happens or doesn't happen in life I belong tucked away within the folds of His heart and nothing can touch me there... I am His... His daughter... His friend... I belong to Him and He makes my path straight... and strengthens me for the journey....
Feeling a bit lost and out of place... wondering what puzzle was I a piece to and where did I fit....
Being in a place of surrendering... surrendering the golden cows I have made... surrendering the areas I felt I was strong in... surrendering the places where I thought I knew what to do.... surrendering all the Isaacs that I have been given... laying them upon the alter.... feeling so naked... so vulnerable... so alone... so lost
Then He was there... staring at me... and well.. I was completely and utterly left undone.... (let me clarify.... He didn't physically appear... but in every way I know Him He didn't have to... I knew He was there) Staring at me...looking at me... I attempted to utter words of repentance... repentance for a weak heart that would look back at the proverbial Egypt and long for that which was known... instead of facing all new terrains that have yet to be mapped out....
And as He silenced me and spoke I was left as a puddle... His reassurance that though I do not know the path upon which I walk it has been laid out before me... and it is certain.. it is not flimsy... it is not a possibility... it is not delicate... it is certain... and He is capable of keeping me on it...
In my frailty I know my propensity for lacking courage or determination or perseverance... but I am even more determined in these days not to quit... I might just end up dragging my weary (fill in the blank) across whatever finish line might be there but dragging... broken... weary... I go forward.... I know no other way... I can't even fish ... I have no plan B... This is it... this is all I know to do... walk with Him and be His...
God stepped in and showed me His heart... while I long for so very much to be revealed to me in regards to that which will be and the desires of my own heart ....He did show me that the puzzle that when put all together would be incomplete without my piece is my Father's heart... and wherever He brings me I belong to Him...That no matter what happens or doesn't happen in life I belong tucked away within the folds of His heart and nothing can touch me there... I am His... His daughter... His friend... I belong to Him and He makes my path straight... and strengthens me for the journey....
The Sacred Cows ... Part 4... "The Tyranny of the Prophetic"
I have heard too many of them... too many of them to not feel the pain of them... too many stories where in meetings or in relationships things that were allowed to be called prophetic reeked havoc in the lives of individuals and communities... I am setting my voice to call out for something other.... I AM SETTING MY VOICE TO CALL OUT FOR SOMETHING OTHER.....
Why"
First there is a need but mostly because I love it... I love the way that God speaks and moves.. I LOVE the way that He talks to His people... I love all things revelatory that flow forth from the heart of my Father... I love all things that exist within the Kingdom of God and I am passionate about that ...
SO having said that.... here are some of the bullet points that I alluded to in part 2... here we go...
I have watched as myself and those around me placated leaders that we followed instead of well.. I don't know saying the truth... allowing situations to go forward that could have been so easily stopped .... if instead of ones thinking of what they could lose in the situation stepping up and risking and being willing to lose their life for the sake of truth being spoken...
When I out of self protection have not spoken truth or not loved enough than I am nothing..... Even if I knew all things and I spoke all things if I had not love I would be a clanging gong and I have allowed those I followed to be clanging gongs because I didn't raise my voice to even ask the question, What about love? What about love? ugh!!!
I have been and I have watched others be more clanging gongs then the sweet strong sound of the liberty bell because what I did wasn't coated in love.....
Living our lives like we say we want to and like we teach we are supposed to when no one is looking or only the inner circle is looking ... especially when the inner circle is looking... instead of using them to spread gossip and fear in a cavalier way.... strengthening them further into lives of spirit and truth and love.... like Jesus did with the twelve...
Inner circles shouldn't be the elite club of the few that have all the insider know... staffs and lead teams should be those that walk out first before the people not just the vision and passion of those that they are being led by .. but of Jesus... what are we leading people to? Elitism... snobbery... what? WHAT?
I heard about this meeting years back where the speaker said he was going to give everyone in the room that had faith for it a word.. He said that... ok... I could say oh so much about the very fact that he would even say that BUT my friend, who WAS a woman of great faith, didn't get a word and ended up questioning whether or not she was a person of faith... SERIOUSLY... not her issue .... that man ended up within a meeting of hundreds only giving a word to less than 70.. which seriously 70 people ministered to is huge but why say something that would leave the other 100s of people left doubting..... what to puff oneself up .... why? and why then have we allowed that to happen?
I have been told... I wasn't there but I have been told that (now this is a long time ago) but that an international leader at one point spoke about having been released from the tyranny of the prophetic.... well I get what he was saying.. yes.. I do... but why was it allowed to get to that place... why weren't things addressed..... why did it have to be so pulled back that it was removed.... and I don't have the answers... like I said I wasn't even there....
but that statement the Tyranny of the prophetic... I have seen it... I have watched it... I have a personal understanding .. though I love ... again let me say it LOVE prophetic ministry... I can understand how and why it would come to a place that a man who at one time had embraced it was left being grateful that it was gone....and that to me is sad.... truly sad...
The prophetic needs to be this.... it needs to be a body of all believers... that hear from God... because He speaks to all.. it needs to be saturated in love... and it needs to be not a clanging gong whimpering about this or that possibility...
The prophetic.. what truly will bear that name needs to be first and foremost full of love and the passion of the Father..... It needs to be clear... concise... detailed and accurate... it needs to be the voice of those that will know their God .. and are known by their God... and walk forth in humility and love and service..... in relationship with God and man... It needs to be full of a piercing sword not a dull child's safety scissors....
We have called things prophetic that weren't.. and I am so truly sorry for every time I did that... but I am hungry for the voice of the Lord to rise up and direct His people... not in a tyrannical way for that is not the ways of our Lord but in a way that brings forth life and liberty to the hearer... that causes those that hear to love God more and hungry to live a life more worthy of Him...
This is not about performance.. it is all about relationship.... we need to love one another so much that it ceases to be about any one us... and becomes all about Jesus... His name lifted up so that ALL men will be drawn unto Him....
The tyranny of the prophetic... it is sad to me that those words ever had to be spoken... but what is sadder are they whys that brought that statement forth.... the prophetic needs to develop into the place it is going by being held accountable... and not just the accuracy of the words or the lifestyle of the one speaking... but of love.... if we are to no longer be clanging gongs then we need to be full of lives of love... and service... and grace....
Why"
First there is a need but mostly because I love it... I love the way that God speaks and moves.. I LOVE the way that He talks to His people... I love all things revelatory that flow forth from the heart of my Father... I love all things that exist within the Kingdom of God and I am passionate about that ...
SO having said that.... here are some of the bullet points that I alluded to in part 2... here we go...
I have watched as myself and those around me placated leaders that we followed instead of well.. I don't know saying the truth... allowing situations to go forward that could have been so easily stopped .... if instead of ones thinking of what they could lose in the situation stepping up and risking and being willing to lose their life for the sake of truth being spoken...
When I out of self protection have not spoken truth or not loved enough than I am nothing..... Even if I knew all things and I spoke all things if I had not love I would be a clanging gong and I have allowed those I followed to be clanging gongs because I didn't raise my voice to even ask the question, What about love? What about love? ugh!!!
I have been and I have watched others be more clanging gongs then the sweet strong sound of the liberty bell because what I did wasn't coated in love.....
Living our lives like we say we want to and like we teach we are supposed to when no one is looking or only the inner circle is looking ... especially when the inner circle is looking... instead of using them to spread gossip and fear in a cavalier way.... strengthening them further into lives of spirit and truth and love.... like Jesus did with the twelve...
Inner circles shouldn't be the elite club of the few that have all the insider know... staffs and lead teams should be those that walk out first before the people not just the vision and passion of those that they are being led by .. but of Jesus... what are we leading people to? Elitism... snobbery... what? WHAT?
I heard about this meeting years back where the speaker said he was going to give everyone in the room that had faith for it a word.. He said that... ok... I could say oh so much about the very fact that he would even say that BUT my friend, who WAS a woman of great faith, didn't get a word and ended up questioning whether or not she was a person of faith... SERIOUSLY... not her issue .... that man ended up within a meeting of hundreds only giving a word to less than 70.. which seriously 70 people ministered to is huge but why say something that would leave the other 100s of people left doubting..... what to puff oneself up .... why? and why then have we allowed that to happen?
I have been told... I wasn't there but I have been told that (now this is a long time ago) but that an international leader at one point spoke about having been released from the tyranny of the prophetic.... well I get what he was saying.. yes.. I do... but why was it allowed to get to that place... why weren't things addressed..... why did it have to be so pulled back that it was removed.... and I don't have the answers... like I said I wasn't even there....
but that statement the Tyranny of the prophetic... I have seen it... I have watched it... I have a personal understanding .. though I love ... again let me say it LOVE prophetic ministry... I can understand how and why it would come to a place that a man who at one time had embraced it was left being grateful that it was gone....and that to me is sad.... truly sad...
The prophetic needs to be this.... it needs to be a body of all believers... that hear from God... because He speaks to all.. it needs to be saturated in love... and it needs to be not a clanging gong whimpering about this or that possibility...
The prophetic.. what truly will bear that name needs to be first and foremost full of love and the passion of the Father..... It needs to be clear... concise... detailed and accurate... it needs to be the voice of those that will know their God .. and are known by their God... and walk forth in humility and love and service..... in relationship with God and man... It needs to be full of a piercing sword not a dull child's safety scissors....
We have called things prophetic that weren't.. and I am so truly sorry for every time I did that... but I am hungry for the voice of the Lord to rise up and direct His people... not in a tyrannical way for that is not the ways of our Lord but in a way that brings forth life and liberty to the hearer... that causes those that hear to love God more and hungry to live a life more worthy of Him...
This is not about performance.. it is all about relationship.... we need to love one another so much that it ceases to be about any one us... and becomes all about Jesus... His name lifted up so that ALL men will be drawn unto Him....
The tyranny of the prophetic... it is sad to me that those words ever had to be spoken... but what is sadder are they whys that brought that statement forth.... the prophetic needs to develop into the place it is going by being held accountable... and not just the accuracy of the words or the lifestyle of the one speaking... but of love.... if we are to no longer be clanging gongs then we need to be full of lives of love... and service... and grace....
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