I sat in my friend's living room as he told the story... we had been talking about ministry and Jesus and the heart beat of life in God as my friend began to retell a story he had been told......
A well known leader who has gone on to be with our God had been in a meeting... now I know not the scenario to which he spoke this ... I was only told that which he had said.... but coming forth out of this leader's mouth were the words... that the people sitting at the table with him... his lead team.. his staff..... were dogs pulling his sled and that he could get other dogs tomorrow....
My heart cringed not so much because I couldn't believe that any one given the right atmosphere or mentality would say such a thing... my heart cringed at the thought that not one person sitting at that table rose up to leave.... again not knowing the scenario behind the comment and not having been in the room I really have no idea what was what....
But what really struck my heart was as my friend and I continued to converse... and I spoke that .. that I thought it sad that nobody would stand up at that moment and say that as a child of God I am nobody's dog.... to which my friend spoke of how people (and I understand this... truly I do) feel that around one like this man there is a special presence of God that wouldn't be around them if they were not around said man.....
This is no slight to those that are anointed of God... but the ideas that have been rattling around in my heart are those that are found in Philippians and in the gospels... and all over the New Testament... the passages that talk about the body... the verses that speak about the lesser parts getting more honor and that those walking in offices are not those to be served but they are called to serve and serve and serve and serve until the whole body matures into the fullness....
These past months of pressure cooking living and watching a pruning upon my life unlike I have never really known has propelled me forward into more of the understanding that we as Israel want... desire... a king.... and yet the King of kings stands at the door.... we grab ahold of all the gods we see in our culture instead of standing being held by the One who is the Lord Most High..... we immerse ourselves in the pleasures and comforts of this world instead of allowing our souls to be comforted by the truest One called Comforter.....
I have seen mindsets ... mentalities... fall off of me as I have yearned to lay a hold of that which Christ has laid a hold of me..... it is becoming easier and easier to see with His eyes and allow my heart to comprehend His ways as He reveals them....
The understanding that it is in the maturity of the Body that fullness will dwell not the one or the two.... and the call to serve and not consider equality or superiority anything to be grasped must thrive in my heart beyond anything else.... Paul calls talk that compares leaders foolish and says who is Paul and who is Apollos... we are all servants of the Lord Most High...
But here's the deal as well... the Gospel was never meant to tantalize and entice... it roars into lives and brings life not meanders in allowing the recipient to pick and choose which parts will be adhered to....
I have found in this season in my life more growth towards being His daughter than in any other season... though other seasons have held more ecstatic experiences with God no season as ever held the amount of change.... the match upon this place has been to yield.. to yield to His ways.. to yield to His correction.. His discipline (only meaning to instruct and to teach) and His rebuke.... I have seen how thoroughly I am loved by the Lord as He has brought His calling upon my life to enter into the living and breathing place of daughter... maturing as I walk side by side... as I lean and allow Him to carry .....
A peace beyond anything amidst a season of great activity has saturated my soul and I sit and I smile for I know that I am being transformed more and more into His likeness and while death isn't ever really pleasant... the smell of true life is beyond sweet....
The way I'm learning to see people .. truly see them... see their hearts.. their dreams.. their personhood... as beyond precious.... I wouldn't trade for anything.. His compassion wells up and to pour out my life daily upon my husband.. my children.. the community I am surrounded by... to look and see the goodness of the Lord in that land of the living and realize that there is so much beauty out there and to know that His greatest hearts desire is that people would know that they know that they know that they are loved and cherished by the very One who knew them intimately before the foundations of the earth were ever laid....
To this end I walk.... to grow.. to be pruned... to live... to breathe... to smile... to smile at the days to come because there is a wedding that is promised that is going to be so very grand..... so very grand indeed and when you know where it is you are destined to go then the obstacles don't look as intimidating as they once did and those giants that exist in the land will be subdued... and all will truly be well..........
Because I am really not a dog looking for crumbs from the table.. I am a child... a daughter..... and His presence surrounds me and goes before me and crowns me with loving kindness... And His table is set before me in the presence of my enemies and His banquet table is grand and the banner over our lives is love...
Loving God... Loving each other.... What a beautiful life I get to live
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
How a Mexican resturant trumped any hospitality suite or green room...
It was at breakfast that I heard the words that would once again propel me into living a life that is more like Jesus... It was at breakfast that I watched within myself old paradigms of doing ministry fall to the ground... It was a breakfast that I learned more about Jesus and his ways... And I found myself delighting in the Kingdom of God and how His ways are not our ways and they are higher and more beautiful and more true to the life I want to live every day...
But why was Breakfast so powerful?
It was because there was an opportunity that was laid out for many of us the evening prior at dinner and we missed it .....
It was the dinner before the last session of a conference and many were tired... we were all going to dinner together... attendees and speaker and event team. I love this group that we get to do life and ministry with... the inclusive nature and expression of their lives grows me all the time..... My past ministry experiences weighed heavily upon me as I sat across from a friend who was the one primarily ministering that weekend... I looked at him and saw he was tired... and in myself I thought .. this is why there are hospitality rooms.. this is why there needs to be a space for him to go and rest...
Directly next to him sat a precious woman who was attending the conference... a woman who it is the most earnest prayers of my being that she comes into contact over and over and over and over again with the love of God.... My friend was tired and she was desiring a conversation and again my mind raced with all the possibilities... how to navigate the table.. how to this .. how to that... as he engaged in conversation ...
Then we were all done but not exactly.... we were all done but this one person wasn't except we didn't notice.... we were thinking of praying before the evening session... we were thinking of the evening session.. many other thoughts were upon my mind as well.. there were those still at the restaurant that continued to engage and be with the woman ... But we had missed an opportunity......
That following morning sitting at the breakfast table.. my paradigm was going to pushed even further away from the ways and thoughts and opinions of man and I was going to flung further into the place that speaks life and notices the Zacchaeus' and the children and goes to their homes and doesn't shew them away...
That following morning I got further instruction into my heart how to see as Jesus sees... and have a heart that thinks and acts like Jesus would.... On the way to ministry Jesus would notice people.. even as those around Him wanted Him to hurry He would take the time... always taking the time.. .to see ... to know.. to see
As we processed through many things that happened that previous evening.. my friend spoke and he said that we needed to take a look at that scenario in the Mexican restaurant.... and how powerful of a message of love and acceptance and inclusion would it have spoken into that one attendee's heart if we had noticed her and sat back down and spoken words of worth into her that she is worth the time ....
It isn't the messages or ministry times that speak the loudest ... it is our lives.... it is our lives.. what we do day in and day out.. what we notice... how we live... what we partake in... do we shew the children away or do we take the time to sweep them into the presence of God....
Old things are falling away and the new is coming into me... and I couldn't be more grateful.. I am learning a new paradigm for leading and serving and ministry and the delight in my soul is that it looks more and more and more like Jesus...
But why was Breakfast so powerful?
It was because there was an opportunity that was laid out for many of us the evening prior at dinner and we missed it .....
It was the dinner before the last session of a conference and many were tired... we were all going to dinner together... attendees and speaker and event team. I love this group that we get to do life and ministry with... the inclusive nature and expression of their lives grows me all the time..... My past ministry experiences weighed heavily upon me as I sat across from a friend who was the one primarily ministering that weekend... I looked at him and saw he was tired... and in myself I thought .. this is why there are hospitality rooms.. this is why there needs to be a space for him to go and rest...
Directly next to him sat a precious woman who was attending the conference... a woman who it is the most earnest prayers of my being that she comes into contact over and over and over and over again with the love of God.... My friend was tired and she was desiring a conversation and again my mind raced with all the possibilities... how to navigate the table.. how to this .. how to that... as he engaged in conversation ...
Then we were all done but not exactly.... we were all done but this one person wasn't except we didn't notice.... we were thinking of praying before the evening session... we were thinking of the evening session.. many other thoughts were upon my mind as well.. there were those still at the restaurant that continued to engage and be with the woman ... But we had missed an opportunity......
That following morning sitting at the breakfast table.. my paradigm was going to pushed even further away from the ways and thoughts and opinions of man and I was going to flung further into the place that speaks life and notices the Zacchaeus' and the children and goes to their homes and doesn't shew them away...
That following morning I got further instruction into my heart how to see as Jesus sees... and have a heart that thinks and acts like Jesus would.... On the way to ministry Jesus would notice people.. even as those around Him wanted Him to hurry He would take the time... always taking the time.. .to see ... to know.. to see
As we processed through many things that happened that previous evening.. my friend spoke and he said that we needed to take a look at that scenario in the Mexican restaurant.... and how powerful of a message of love and acceptance and inclusion would it have spoken into that one attendee's heart if we had noticed her and sat back down and spoken words of worth into her that she is worth the time ....
It isn't the messages or ministry times that speak the loudest ... it is our lives.... it is our lives.. what we do day in and day out.. what we notice... how we live... what we partake in... do we shew the children away or do we take the time to sweep them into the presence of God....
Old things are falling away and the new is coming into me... and I couldn't be more grateful.. I am learning a new paradigm for leading and serving and ministry and the delight in my soul is that it looks more and more and more like Jesus...
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
The scum that arises during a long slow boil....
Again another situation arose and I would need to ask someone to cover a task that my husband and I do... the response came back quick and full of grace... "of course."
And I was stunned... as I lay there looking at the response I realized I was stunned... stunned by the graciousness of this man... and I thought about other times and places recently where I had been extended grace by another not because they had to but because it was genuinely within them...
As I sat still and allowed all that the morning was bringing to be brought wave after wave flooded me .. In this season the days are full and beyond full.... I sat to realize that the intensity of this season is teaching me numerous lessons.... The two of which that struck me this morning were that the pressure cooker aspect of this season was granting unto me numerous opportunities to live according to the ways of our God while the storms rage.... to choose Him and His thoughts and His truth and not go with the knee jerk reaction of flesh or soul.....
The other thing I realized today is that the intensity and longevity of this season is like a long boil and the scum is coming to the surface... Day after day the schedule is full and there are more things to do within every day that can ever get done... A time of transition that has already been in the making since last Fall and will carry itself out through even next Summer.... nothing to grasp a hold of and feel the rumbling of the earth cease...
I have realized for a while that this season could and should be likened to a pressure cooker but hadn't understood all that was transpiring and even now am sure I don't....
The continual shock of receiving grace from another human being brought me to my knees... looking upwards and asking questions.. and answers came... plenty of answers came and then more of the scum that had been deep within me arose... it had been loosened by the long slow boiling process and was arising to the surface... the pressure cooker was bringing to pass the quickening of the process and all this emotion and all this judgement that was within me was coming too....
Oh God.. I repent for this and I am so sorry for that.... repented for judgements made towards others thinking I had understood their predicament and had judged them for not making other decisions... This season has held a lot of that.... many a realization ... many a deeper understanding of living life and choices that are made....
Then as if the boiling water had finally loosened bed rock ... picture after picture came... decisions of others that had so affected my life erupted within me... the reality of being raised with a woman who was my mother's mother .. she had lived with us all my life and had no joy within her.. she had misery and anger and her own pain and hurt and disappointments... the answers to some of the why do I think that way? Or why am I still so surprised by kindness towards me?
BUT...
It wasn't the events that our God was dealing with .. it wasn't about the circumstances I had been raised within .. this morning it was about my responses to those things and it was ugly... just like the scum that arises after a long slow boil... what became even uglier for a few minutes was the way I was looking at God.. I embrace forgiveness and repentance and yet there within the scum was a pain that had thought it was entitled ... entitled to judge... legitimate in my conclusions of who those people were and an anger so deep that it tore through me....
And I knew where He was leading me .. He had started with the easier ones and then .. then the wall that had stood for so long was hit as if a dam had broken and the surge was raging forward... this.. this my friends is a most beautiful picture of our God.... As I think upon it I am brought to my knees at His pursuit and passion..... A wall had stood for a long time... and it had protected me well and it had served me well but it had been inhibiting me for a while now and He knew it.. He knew it... This season with all that is within it became the perfect orchestration of life and God and past and present and His glory being unleashed upon my life and my days.....His thoughts and His opinions and His declarations that it was for life that He had come and abundant life at that rushed towards that wall and with beauty and strength and grace and mercy the waters of His spirit fell and it wasn't broken down.. it wasn't torn apart... it simply was not there any longer...
And again I saw .. this season.. this season and the long slow boil .. the meat had just come off the bones effortlessly... the way He had been leading me for weeks now.. for months now... repent for this... look at that... see this... that behavior really isn't you... Here are my ways.. Here is my truth.. take my hand here... let me lead you there...
All of it... the pressure cooker .... the slow boil... the days in and the days out... moment after moment... He had not come in as one demanding... but wooing... He had not come in seeking His own even though He knew that His own ways were better and higher and would profit me far more than my own... He came in with desire and compassion... He came in with understanding beyond what I can comprehend.. He came in and came in and came in and came in and came in... all the while taking ground ..
A picture of the promise land being granted but bit by bit so as not to be overrun but to empowered to govern..... under His care and His direction and His mercy and His compassion and His grace and His wisdom and His fathering ... I stand in a place .. in this season so beyond moved by all that He is... so thoroughly convinced of His kindness..
His ways are beyond my capacity to express .. but I am one who is so thoroughly grateful for all His ways...
And I was stunned... as I lay there looking at the response I realized I was stunned... stunned by the graciousness of this man... and I thought about other times and places recently where I had been extended grace by another not because they had to but because it was genuinely within them...
As I sat still and allowed all that the morning was bringing to be brought wave after wave flooded me .. In this season the days are full and beyond full.... I sat to realize that the intensity of this season is teaching me numerous lessons.... The two of which that struck me this morning were that the pressure cooker aspect of this season was granting unto me numerous opportunities to live according to the ways of our God while the storms rage.... to choose Him and His thoughts and His truth and not go with the knee jerk reaction of flesh or soul.....
The other thing I realized today is that the intensity and longevity of this season is like a long boil and the scum is coming to the surface... Day after day the schedule is full and there are more things to do within every day that can ever get done... A time of transition that has already been in the making since last Fall and will carry itself out through even next Summer.... nothing to grasp a hold of and feel the rumbling of the earth cease...
I have realized for a while that this season could and should be likened to a pressure cooker but hadn't understood all that was transpiring and even now am sure I don't....
The continual shock of receiving grace from another human being brought me to my knees... looking upwards and asking questions.. and answers came... plenty of answers came and then more of the scum that had been deep within me arose... it had been loosened by the long slow boiling process and was arising to the surface... the pressure cooker was bringing to pass the quickening of the process and all this emotion and all this judgement that was within me was coming too....
Oh God.. I repent for this and I am so sorry for that.... repented for judgements made towards others thinking I had understood their predicament and had judged them for not making other decisions... This season has held a lot of that.... many a realization ... many a deeper understanding of living life and choices that are made....
Then as if the boiling water had finally loosened bed rock ... picture after picture came... decisions of others that had so affected my life erupted within me... the reality of being raised with a woman who was my mother's mother .. she had lived with us all my life and had no joy within her.. she had misery and anger and her own pain and hurt and disappointments... the answers to some of the why do I think that way? Or why am I still so surprised by kindness towards me?
BUT...
It wasn't the events that our God was dealing with .. it wasn't about the circumstances I had been raised within .. this morning it was about my responses to those things and it was ugly... just like the scum that arises after a long slow boil... what became even uglier for a few minutes was the way I was looking at God.. I embrace forgiveness and repentance and yet there within the scum was a pain that had thought it was entitled ... entitled to judge... legitimate in my conclusions of who those people were and an anger so deep that it tore through me....
And I knew where He was leading me .. He had started with the easier ones and then .. then the wall that had stood for so long was hit as if a dam had broken and the surge was raging forward... this.. this my friends is a most beautiful picture of our God.... As I think upon it I am brought to my knees at His pursuit and passion..... A wall had stood for a long time... and it had protected me well and it had served me well but it had been inhibiting me for a while now and He knew it.. He knew it... This season with all that is within it became the perfect orchestration of life and God and past and present and His glory being unleashed upon my life and my days.....His thoughts and His opinions and His declarations that it was for life that He had come and abundant life at that rushed towards that wall and with beauty and strength and grace and mercy the waters of His spirit fell and it wasn't broken down.. it wasn't torn apart... it simply was not there any longer...
And again I saw .. this season.. this season and the long slow boil .. the meat had just come off the bones effortlessly... the way He had been leading me for weeks now.. for months now... repent for this... look at that... see this... that behavior really isn't you... Here are my ways.. Here is my truth.. take my hand here... let me lead you there...
All of it... the pressure cooker .... the slow boil... the days in and the days out... moment after moment... He had not come in as one demanding... but wooing... He had not come in seeking His own even though He knew that His own ways were better and higher and would profit me far more than my own... He came in with desire and compassion... He came in with understanding beyond what I can comprehend.. He came in and came in and came in and came in and came in... all the while taking ground ..
A picture of the promise land being granted but bit by bit so as not to be overrun but to empowered to govern..... under His care and His direction and His mercy and His compassion and His grace and His wisdom and His fathering ... I stand in a place .. in this season so beyond moved by all that He is... so thoroughly convinced of His kindness..
His ways are beyond my capacity to express .. but I am one who is so thoroughly grateful for all His ways...
Friday, June 15, 2012
Culture...
I sat there with m y hands on the stirring wheel.... looking out over the windshield... looking out into that which was in front of me... and Father's whisper came so clear ... I tilted my head and looked out the side window... the rain was falling and I could hear the sweet sound of it hitting the window.....
He spoke to me as His darling... as one who I know is cherished by Him... I had so many questions before Him and so much upon my heart... the way He came some what fully undid me and I listened intently to the words that came....
He spoke about culture... He spoke to look at the culture of the world as an outsider and then things would make more sense... look at the culture of the world as a stranger to it... watch what is important to it.. watch how people within the culture treat one another... what what is done.. watch.. look ... learn.. listen....
Then He spoke.. to take to heart His commandments of love.... take to heart the truth that I am so born forth from another place.... learn the culture of that place.. of His realm... of where He dwells.. for that is where I am most intrinsically from....
My heart was being enlarged.. and understanding was being added to me... within the palm of His hand was a living jewel.. how to better describe it I really know not... but it was liquid and yet it kept form and it was alive and yet it was a jewel.. and it was red.... but a most beautiful red I had not really ever seen...to say that it was alive without further description probably does not explain it well enough.. but it was beautiful... it was pure.. it was amazing...
He took it and looked at it and looked at me and placed it within my chest... the warmth of it flowed into all that I am and I got down on my knees...
His ways... His Kingdom.. Our Kingdom... the place where we are already seated... the place where we are born from above... changing my thoughts... my heart.. washing away confusion.. and opening my eyes to His heart and His ways in a much more thorough capacity then I had had prior to these moments...
Compassion... gentleness. patience... warmth.. kindness. being mindful of others and where it is that there are hearts are.... flowed deeper and deeper into me.. into my being.. It was as if it was easier to think with His thoughts and express His ways....
Looking at it as culture will guide you He spoke... Looking at it as one culture and then looking at it as another... will make choices far easier for you... The scripture where the treasures are so is the heart were coming to life... and I saw so very clearly culture of the world and of the hearts of man versus culture of the Kingdom and culture of our Christ....
I think it amazing.... I struggled at times with the lack of kindness I would see... or the way man pits himself against man ... especially in the church or in ministries..... where focus is upon worldly concepts instead upon the heart beat of Jesus... and in these moments I could tell Father was granting me strength from on high and granting me wisdom and sight to be able to for me to place the different things I see far better than I ever had been able to before...
I had been praying for days and weeks that my heart would be more fully His and that the citizenship of Heaven would bear upon me... and change me and my appetites... that I would far more hunger for Him and His ways then anything of this world.. even when.. especially when the things of this world are pleasing to the eye or have to do with the pride of life....
In this moments He set my feet far firmer upon the Rock then they had been before and I was full of gratitude....
The word culture burst upon my heart with new understanding and He once again grabbed a hold of me and led me forward...
Blessed be the name of our Lord....
He spoke to me as His darling... as one who I know is cherished by Him... I had so many questions before Him and so much upon my heart... the way He came some what fully undid me and I listened intently to the words that came....
He spoke about culture... He spoke to look at the culture of the world as an outsider and then things would make more sense... look at the culture of the world as a stranger to it... watch what is important to it.. watch how people within the culture treat one another... what what is done.. watch.. look ... learn.. listen....
Then He spoke.. to take to heart His commandments of love.... take to heart the truth that I am so born forth from another place.... learn the culture of that place.. of His realm... of where He dwells.. for that is where I am most intrinsically from....
My heart was being enlarged.. and understanding was being added to me... within the palm of His hand was a living jewel.. how to better describe it I really know not... but it was liquid and yet it kept form and it was alive and yet it was a jewel.. and it was red.... but a most beautiful red I had not really ever seen...to say that it was alive without further description probably does not explain it well enough.. but it was beautiful... it was pure.. it was amazing...
He took it and looked at it and looked at me and placed it within my chest... the warmth of it flowed into all that I am and I got down on my knees...
His ways... His Kingdom.. Our Kingdom... the place where we are already seated... the place where we are born from above... changing my thoughts... my heart.. washing away confusion.. and opening my eyes to His heart and His ways in a much more thorough capacity then I had had prior to these moments...
Compassion... gentleness. patience... warmth.. kindness. being mindful of others and where it is that there are hearts are.... flowed deeper and deeper into me.. into my being.. It was as if it was easier to think with His thoughts and express His ways....
Looking at it as culture will guide you He spoke... Looking at it as one culture and then looking at it as another... will make choices far easier for you... The scripture where the treasures are so is the heart were coming to life... and I saw so very clearly culture of the world and of the hearts of man versus culture of the Kingdom and culture of our Christ....
I think it amazing.... I struggled at times with the lack of kindness I would see... or the way man pits himself against man ... especially in the church or in ministries..... where focus is upon worldly concepts instead upon the heart beat of Jesus... and in these moments I could tell Father was granting me strength from on high and granting me wisdom and sight to be able to for me to place the different things I see far better than I ever had been able to before...
I had been praying for days and weeks that my heart would be more fully His and that the citizenship of Heaven would bear upon me... and change me and my appetites... that I would far more hunger for Him and His ways then anything of this world.. even when.. especially when the things of this world are pleasing to the eye or have to do with the pride of life....
In this moments He set my feet far firmer upon the Rock then they had been before and I was full of gratitude....
The word culture burst upon my heart with new understanding and He once again grabbed a hold of me and led me forward...
Blessed be the name of our Lord....
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Ah..... the flesh does not get to win this one... Sitting in the boat fast asleep....
A couple of months ago I felt the Lord desiring me to write on my coffee travel cup, "She smiles at the future..." I knew the reference... and as I wrote it it wasn't truth in my heart... I looked at those words upon my cup and read and reread them.... I remember pausing and thinking I know what the future holds right now with all the transitions our family was facing and that just didn't seem possible...
Me... smiling at the future..... when there are moves and transitions and large decisions to be made and wisdom needed and the list kept going on and on and on.... me smiling at a future that had our family transitioning in a year to one of the kids going off to college and our youngest son maybe having some learning issues and again the list kept going on and on...
Transitions all around me and I've delivered six babies and I know what transition is and we have moved a bunch of times and I know what transition is and I remember several times at that point speaking that I was done.. that I couldn't do it anymore... or just saying, "no, no, no, no, no..." Midwives tell me those are the signs they look for that the baby is close!
Well... I did I wrote "She smiles at the future..." on my travel coffee mug.. and I looked at those words and drew over them with my finger tracing each letter....
A couple months later deeper into it all.. I stand amazed.....
You see I recognized in myself that when my life is beyond full I allowed my emotions to take over and to dictate that I felt overwhelmed.... OK... there are plenty of moments to be overwhelmed right now... and I'm not saying that I don't stand in the middle of one of the rooms and think, "oh my.. what to do ?!?" But the most beautiful transition in life is happening.... instead of looking at the moment and feeling the impact of the transition.. I look beyond it.... and then I realized... Smiling at the future!!!
The other night as I was just sitting at the desk.. I felt our Lord come up behind me and lay His hand upon my shoulder... I laid my head down on the desk and sat there..... His capacity to stand and bring me into grace is larger than my capacity to run from it... and His capacity to pour out patience and gentleness and kindness and wisdom is greater than my ability to ever stand without it.....
I sat this morning holding my three year old as she was having a melt down and I held her.. and I held her close and tight... stroked her hair and spoke loving into her life and her heart and whispered into her ear.... and I knew.. I knew I wasn't just smiling at the future... I was overcoming the past.. I was overcoming the ways I handled things before.... that a whole new road was being walked where I was smiling at the future.. being made full of God.. having wisdom to make hard decisions... having patience and kindness amidst a crazy schedule and laughing and loving and being gentle and creative and full of joy....
And I smiled BIG... I smiled BIG at the future.. .because I got to see that while there is still transition.. the baby is being born... this new season where we lay ahold of that which Christ laid ahold of me and I walk in His ways not as a fraud performing but as a daughter who resembles her Father and delights in His ways is amazing to me.....
To see the power of our Kingdom to transform and bring life abundant..... to watch while He overcomes the world and the trials and tribulations within it... to see Him arise and even upon the kids bring peace that passes all understanding.....
This is our God and this is walking with Him.. daily knowing that because He cares for us.. for me I can smile at the future and not be anxious because the truth of His passion and the strength of it flow.. it flows continuously and it is a most beautiful thing...
Me... smiling at the future..... when there are moves and transitions and large decisions to be made and wisdom needed and the list kept going on and on and on.... me smiling at a future that had our family transitioning in a year to one of the kids going off to college and our youngest son maybe having some learning issues and again the list kept going on and on...
Transitions all around me and I've delivered six babies and I know what transition is and we have moved a bunch of times and I know what transition is and I remember several times at that point speaking that I was done.. that I couldn't do it anymore... or just saying, "no, no, no, no, no..." Midwives tell me those are the signs they look for that the baby is close!
Well... I did I wrote "She smiles at the future..." on my travel coffee mug.. and I looked at those words and drew over them with my finger tracing each letter....
A couple months later deeper into it all.. I stand amazed.....
You see I recognized in myself that when my life is beyond full I allowed my emotions to take over and to dictate that I felt overwhelmed.... OK... there are plenty of moments to be overwhelmed right now... and I'm not saying that I don't stand in the middle of one of the rooms and think, "oh my.. what to do ?!?" But the most beautiful transition in life is happening.... instead of looking at the moment and feeling the impact of the transition.. I look beyond it.... and then I realized... Smiling at the future!!!
The other night as I was just sitting at the desk.. I felt our Lord come up behind me and lay His hand upon my shoulder... I laid my head down on the desk and sat there..... His capacity to stand and bring me into grace is larger than my capacity to run from it... and His capacity to pour out patience and gentleness and kindness and wisdom is greater than my ability to ever stand without it.....
I sat this morning holding my three year old as she was having a melt down and I held her.. and I held her close and tight... stroked her hair and spoke loving into her life and her heart and whispered into her ear.... and I knew.. I knew I wasn't just smiling at the future... I was overcoming the past.. I was overcoming the ways I handled things before.... that a whole new road was being walked where I was smiling at the future.. being made full of God.. having wisdom to make hard decisions... having patience and kindness amidst a crazy schedule and laughing and loving and being gentle and creative and full of joy....
And I smiled BIG... I smiled BIG at the future.. .because I got to see that while there is still transition.. the baby is being born... this new season where we lay ahold of that which Christ laid ahold of me and I walk in His ways not as a fraud performing but as a daughter who resembles her Father and delights in His ways is amazing to me.....
To see the power of our Kingdom to transform and bring life abundant..... to watch while He overcomes the world and the trials and tribulations within it... to see Him arise and even upon the kids bring peace that passes all understanding.....
This is our God and this is walking with Him.. daily knowing that because He cares for us.. for me I can smile at the future and not be anxious because the truth of His passion and the strength of it flow.. it flows continuously and it is a most beautiful thing...
Thursday, June 7, 2012
I was never disciplined.... How a whisper and a kiss brought forth life
I woke up early this morning and my mind began to think upon so very many things... and as I thought through and prayed a little through .. Father's affections took center stage... and my heart and mind stilled as He spoke.. and spoke and spoke....
Relationship with the One who is King of Kings and Lord of Lords and Alpha and Omega and Creator is truly an awe inspiring thing....
He spoke ever so clearly at one point and it was like a kiss upon my check... The Lord of Hosts, The Almighty, The Everlasting One... knowing every hair upon my head and every moment of every beat of my heart .. whispered instruction and kissed my check as I would as I tucked my children into bed..
And then some keys for this season were upon my heart in a new way... "my people perish for lack of understanding." and I have perished throughout my life because I did not have instruction... I did not have understanding....
The whisper came ... and I knew the truth in it .. I was never disciplined.... now before going any further let me share that a good friend of mine.. shares that discipline is to teach ... to instruct... and while I went through school and was told don't to this or yes to that... I knew that in my heart there was never a connection... I remember years of living with very little conscience and very little remorse... little to none.... In being healed and having those attributes of life miraculously added to me I pray to the Lord I do not take those things for granted....
In hearing that I was never disciplined... what I heard was this... as a parent I instruct our children I do the majority of it thinking of that child's personality.. We teach and direct and correct because we love our children and we want them to be prepared for the world and for life and to be empowered to thrive... I come alongside the children and walk with them and while we are doing life together I add instruction here or there .. as we chat about everything or nothing ... I'm looking them in the eyes... speaking with them ... compassion says this child who will one day be walking in the world needs to have the capacity within themselves to do so... We see so much of this in the voice of proverbs... care and concern for instruction...edification.. rebuke.. encouragement...
I lacked in those departments personally and I know what it was like to hit 17 and to be expected to thrive and go off into the world and do what was expected without any interior resources on which to stand....
Tonight I heard in my heart a voice of mercy.. compassion... instruction... and deep love... The Lord only disciplines those He loves.... hhhhmmmm.... so very glad.. so beyond very glad....
I began to see this season in life with different lens and the sight was beautiful.... a pressure cooker is that a pressure cooker but the intensity of it cooks the ingredients at a much faster rate....
Discipline can be a gift under the hands of tenderness.. instruction is a powerful tool when wielded in love... situations and scenarios arise and if we know how to conduct ourselves in a way that brings forth life not death and understanding instead of perishing then there is growth and beauty and maturity...
When I was a child .. I thought as a child... but now... That is a process of growth and maturity...
I realized that within the intensity of this season it was an opportunity to lay a hold of the Lord's instruction.. His discipline.. His ways and to flourish... daily.. hourly.. moment by moment opportunities exist where we can walk with Him through the most crazy of situations and have peace and have patience and have kindness..
1 Peter 2:20-21
20For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.
Christ Is Our Example
21For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 22WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH; 23and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; 24and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. 25For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
To be instructed and to know how to live... That is a gift.. One I do pray I do not take for granted.... a gift .. a treasure.. as proverbs tells us it is liken to jewels to have wisdom and live a life full of the instruction of God....
For me this is not a religious action upon the outside of my person.... for me this beats within my heart... He loves me so much that He instructs me how I can prosper.... how I can find favor with Him... How I can live a life where within it I do not perish but live and even amidst times that can be described as a pressure cooker I can thrive because I know what to ask grace to empower me towards.. Kindness... gentleness.... self - control...
I hear often these times are hard.... whether people are talking about finances or events in the world.. or the spiritual climate... they are right... but what I heard tonight as my Father dwelt with me was in these hard times is the offering of discipline and maturity.... to mature in Christ and no longer be babes tossed here and there but through His instruction.. through His kindness... through His empowerment.. through His example... we can be "returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of our souls".....
As one who was never disciplined and was left to their own devises I see these gifts as treasures that the world's wealth could never compare.... He cares so thoroughly about me that He actively loves and instructs me so that I will not perish but have a life that is truly worth living... That is the Lord's discipline... and I am blown away and stand in awe of the journey of this evening... His wondrous and strong love course through my being and I desire (not because I must.. because I want) His ways....
Relationship with the One who is King of Kings and Lord of Lords and Alpha and Omega and Creator is truly an awe inspiring thing....
He spoke ever so clearly at one point and it was like a kiss upon my check... The Lord of Hosts, The Almighty, The Everlasting One... knowing every hair upon my head and every moment of every beat of my heart .. whispered instruction and kissed my check as I would as I tucked my children into bed..
And then some keys for this season were upon my heart in a new way... "my people perish for lack of understanding." and I have perished throughout my life because I did not have instruction... I did not have understanding....
The whisper came ... and I knew the truth in it .. I was never disciplined.... now before going any further let me share that a good friend of mine.. shares that discipline is to teach ... to instruct... and while I went through school and was told don't to this or yes to that... I knew that in my heart there was never a connection... I remember years of living with very little conscience and very little remorse... little to none.... In being healed and having those attributes of life miraculously added to me I pray to the Lord I do not take those things for granted....
In hearing that I was never disciplined... what I heard was this... as a parent I instruct our children I do the majority of it thinking of that child's personality.. We teach and direct and correct because we love our children and we want them to be prepared for the world and for life and to be empowered to thrive... I come alongside the children and walk with them and while we are doing life together I add instruction here or there .. as we chat about everything or nothing ... I'm looking them in the eyes... speaking with them ... compassion says this child who will one day be walking in the world needs to have the capacity within themselves to do so... We see so much of this in the voice of proverbs... care and concern for instruction...edification.. rebuke.. encouragement...
I lacked in those departments personally and I know what it was like to hit 17 and to be expected to thrive and go off into the world and do what was expected without any interior resources on which to stand....
Tonight I heard in my heart a voice of mercy.. compassion... instruction... and deep love... The Lord only disciplines those He loves.... hhhhmmmm.... so very glad.. so beyond very glad....
I began to see this season in life with different lens and the sight was beautiful.... a pressure cooker is that a pressure cooker but the intensity of it cooks the ingredients at a much faster rate....
Discipline can be a gift under the hands of tenderness.. instruction is a powerful tool when wielded in love... situations and scenarios arise and if we know how to conduct ourselves in a way that brings forth life not death and understanding instead of perishing then there is growth and beauty and maturity...
When I was a child .. I thought as a child... but now... That is a process of growth and maturity...
I realized that within the intensity of this season it was an opportunity to lay a hold of the Lord's instruction.. His discipline.. His ways and to flourish... daily.. hourly.. moment by moment opportunities exist where we can walk with Him through the most crazy of situations and have peace and have patience and have kindness..
1 Peter 2:20-21
20For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.
Christ Is Our Example
21For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 22WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH; 23and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; 24and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. 25For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
To be instructed and to know how to live... That is a gift.. One I do pray I do not take for granted.... a gift .. a treasure.. as proverbs tells us it is liken to jewels to have wisdom and live a life full of the instruction of God....
For me this is not a religious action upon the outside of my person.... for me this beats within my heart... He loves me so much that He instructs me how I can prosper.... how I can find favor with Him... How I can live a life where within it I do not perish but live and even amidst times that can be described as a pressure cooker I can thrive because I know what to ask grace to empower me towards.. Kindness... gentleness.... self - control...
I hear often these times are hard.... whether people are talking about finances or events in the world.. or the spiritual climate... they are right... but what I heard tonight as my Father dwelt with me was in these hard times is the offering of discipline and maturity.... to mature in Christ and no longer be babes tossed here and there but through His instruction.. through His kindness... through His empowerment.. through His example... we can be "returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of our souls".....
As one who was never disciplined and was left to their own devises I see these gifts as treasures that the world's wealth could never compare.... He cares so thoroughly about me that He actively loves and instructs me so that I will not perish but have a life that is truly worth living... That is the Lord's discipline... and I am blown away and stand in awe of the journey of this evening... His wondrous and strong love course through my being and I desire (not because I must.. because I want) His ways....
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Now confidence is an interesting thing.... I love where Paul writes... about having no confidence in the flesh and I was convicted....
This morning I kept thinking of Tigger... and Rabbit's comments.. "He'll be a humble Tigger, a small and sad Tigger....
I haven't written in a while .. between schedules and life but the honest truth is that I have felt a bit off.... events and moments and conversations that have transpired kind of knocked the bounce out of my step... and I've been walking having my confidence shaken...
Now confidence is an interesting thing.... I love where Paul writes... about having no confidence in the flesh and I was convicted....
Phillipians 3 has become my resting place....
for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh, although I myself might have confidence even in the flesh. If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more: circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless.
But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained.
Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.
Where had I placed my confidence... In my abilities or His... In my capacity to do this or that... to speak.. to encourage... to pray.. to organize... what confidence was shaken... and shaken badly...
Because a wise man who builds wisely upon the Rock stands.. no matter what comes at him or her.. the waves come.. the winds come.. everything comes.. but that house.. that life still stands because it has been built upon Christ... My heart faltered under the weight of a tower of babel and it needed to get scattered... so that He could build His house upon the foundation of His life and His thoughts and opinions.. Not mine.. not others.. but His... His....
And I am beginning to breath again and trust again.. realizing that at my own hand I opened doors that are better to remain shut... Confidence .... I want to be one who stands boldly and confidently before the throne of grace.. and I can do so as long as my heart does not condemn me.. but when it does.. my heart and my confidence condemn me then I simply need to turn and grab grace and know that I can't walk here on my own.... I, at times would like to think I can.... but learning that in my strengths I am actually weaker because I am leaning upon myself where as if I can cry aloud for help and admit my weakness I will be so much stronger...
It has been a journey... one that I am still on... navigating the worlds of trust and faith all the while holding up those things I am responsible for and "need" to get done and walk with Him and let Him guide and direct....
Tigger has been one thought and Peter another... a man who walks on water but then sinks... a man whose confession Jesus says the whole church will be built upon but is also rebuked for the words that state that Jesus should not die... a man who proclaims his faithfulness only to be found faithless ... a man who goes back to that which he knows .. a man who realizes his own limitations and capacity to love Jesus... a man who steps into comparison...
So many thoughts.. so much to think upon.. such the journey....
I long to trust... to love... to place my confidence solely in Him and abide ... to that end as Philippians states... I press on... pressing on .. that has been a lesson of this season.... pressing onwards...
getting my bounce back and looking to lay a hold of that which Christ Jesus laid a hold of me for...
I am His... and while I am at times overwhelmed by my apparent lack He whispers I lack no good thing .. and I smile a faint smile while He just beams as He looks directly at me and shakes His head, YES!
he'll be a humble Tigger, a small and sad Tigger, and a "oh, rabbit, am I glad to see you" Tigger. And it'll take the bounces out of him, that's what! Now, all in favor, say 'aye'.
Piglet: Aye.
[Pooh falls asleep again]
Piglet: Pooh.
[shakes Pooh awake]
Piglet: Pooh!
Winnie the Pooh: [waking up, then raising his hand] Oh, here.
Rabbit: Oh-ho-ho, good. Just good. Motion carried.
Roo: Christopher Robin, I like the old, bouncy Tigger best.
[cut to Tigger sadly walking away]
Christopher Robin: So do I, Roo.
Piglet: I do, too.
Roo: Me, too.
Kanga: Of course, we all do. Don't you agree, Rabbit?
Rabbit: I uh...
Christopher Robin: Well, Rabbit?
Rabbit: Well, uh, uh, that is, I-uh, what I mean...
Winnie the Pooh: Well?
Rabbit: Uh, I uh...
[sighs]
Rabbit: Oh, all right. I guess I like the old Tigger better, too.
Tigger: [Pounces Rabbit] Oh, boy! You mean I can have my bounce back? Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
I haven't written in a while .. between schedules and life but the honest truth is that I have felt a bit off.... events and moments and conversations that have transpired kind of knocked the bounce out of my step... and I've been walking having my confidence shaken...
Now confidence is an interesting thing.... I love where Paul writes... about having no confidence in the flesh and I was convicted....
Phillipians 3 has become my resting place....
for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh, although I myself might have confidence even in the flesh. If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more: circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless.
But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained.
Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.
Where had I placed my confidence... In my abilities or His... In my capacity to do this or that... to speak.. to encourage... to pray.. to organize... what confidence was shaken... and shaken badly...
Because a wise man who builds wisely upon the Rock stands.. no matter what comes at him or her.. the waves come.. the winds come.. everything comes.. but that house.. that life still stands because it has been built upon Christ... My heart faltered under the weight of a tower of babel and it needed to get scattered... so that He could build His house upon the foundation of His life and His thoughts and opinions.. Not mine.. not others.. but His... His....
And I am beginning to breath again and trust again.. realizing that at my own hand I opened doors that are better to remain shut... Confidence .... I want to be one who stands boldly and confidently before the throne of grace.. and I can do so as long as my heart does not condemn me.. but when it does.. my heart and my confidence condemn me then I simply need to turn and grab grace and know that I can't walk here on my own.... I, at times would like to think I can.... but learning that in my strengths I am actually weaker because I am leaning upon myself where as if I can cry aloud for help and admit my weakness I will be so much stronger...
It has been a journey... one that I am still on... navigating the worlds of trust and faith all the while holding up those things I am responsible for and "need" to get done and walk with Him and let Him guide and direct....
Tigger has been one thought and Peter another... a man who walks on water but then sinks... a man whose confession Jesus says the whole church will be built upon but is also rebuked for the words that state that Jesus should not die... a man who proclaims his faithfulness only to be found faithless ... a man who goes back to that which he knows .. a man who realizes his own limitations and capacity to love Jesus... a man who steps into comparison...
So many thoughts.. so much to think upon.. such the journey....
I long to trust... to love... to place my confidence solely in Him and abide ... to that end as Philippians states... I press on... pressing on .. that has been a lesson of this season.... pressing onwards...
getting my bounce back and looking to lay a hold of that which Christ Jesus laid a hold of me for...
I am His... and while I am at times overwhelmed by my apparent lack He whispers I lack no good thing .. and I smile a faint smile while He just beams as He looks directly at me and shakes His head, YES!
he'll be a humble Tigger, a small and sad Tigger, and a "oh, rabbit, am I glad to see you" Tigger. And it'll take the bounces out of him, that's what! Now, all in favor, say 'aye'.
Piglet: Aye.
[Pooh falls asleep again]
Piglet: Pooh.
[shakes Pooh awake]
Piglet: Pooh!
Winnie the Pooh: [waking up, then raising his hand] Oh, here.
Rabbit: Oh-ho-ho, good. Just good. Motion carried.
Roo: Christopher Robin, I like the old, bouncy Tigger best.
[cut to Tigger sadly walking away]
Christopher Robin: So do I, Roo.
Piglet: I do, too.
Roo: Me, too.
Kanga: Of course, we all do. Don't you agree, Rabbit?
Rabbit: I uh...
Christopher Robin: Well, Rabbit?
Rabbit: Well, uh, uh, that is, I-uh, what I mean...
Winnie the Pooh: Well?
Rabbit: Uh, I uh...
[sighs]
Rabbit: Oh, all right. I guess I like the old Tigger better, too.
Tigger: [Pounces Rabbit] Oh, boy! You mean I can have my bounce back? Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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