Men slept while God battled for their souls... and at times still do...

Those moments are more and more upon my thoughts. I think of the soil of Gethsemane that received his tears, his blood... his cry. The weight and heaviness of that moment upon creation. Upon Christ.

I think of Moses and the deep darkness how he invited the people to join Him.

These pictures and images and words and ideas are all floating around my head creating within me thoughts that are forever changing me and wooing my heart deeper into His ways and further focused towards the place where my truest citizenship resides.

Leaders... people... God.....

Twenty years of ministry and the hunger to not only not ever step back onto a hamster wheel but demolish the hamster wheel is upon me.... Carefully walking these waters because judgment can be oh so tricky and we can call a cow a cow but not see with the eyes of Christ and step into a place of harsh terrain that I long to avoid.

I am glued back to the simplicity of the words of love.. Simple and yet profound... they will rock your world up one side and down the other if you let them.. Love does not seek it's own... love is patient.. kind.. not boasting... it is not easily provoked... does not take into account a wrong suffered... it is not arrogant.... bears all things.. believes all things... hopes all things .. endures all things...

I do not love... I long to love.. but I do not love with full measure... this is the calling..This is your calling.. it is my calling.... this is the pursuit.. this is all that will go forward into eternity... all else will pass away but love moves beyond time and kisses the eternal...

Self preservation must cease … a deep trust taking its place...

What does this have to do with the Garden... with the deep darkness...

Times of transition.... times where battling of the flesh and human nature and deep darkness are upon all.....

Christ stepped into that moment and we know His proclamation of the will of the Father be done not His own... we see the agony of such times upon our Savior as He aches for the fellowship and comfort and prayers of friends anguishing in the moment of the cup that is at hand as His soul battles face to face with Father.. alone in a moment of monumental weight ..... Christ and Father... Father and Son...

Men slept while God battled for their souls... and at times still do...

Moses' invitation into the deep unknown.. He emerges altered forever but the people have been satisfied with a golden image instead of the image of the indestructible God.

Moments liken unto those are all around us.... the hunger for kings still fills the hearts of man.. the longing for the proverbial meat but only wanting to drink the milk to get to it … leaders all too willing to accommodate the people so that their thrones don't get tossed...

Haven't we exhausted ourselves yet.... haven't we seen too much.. let me put it this way.. I have seen too much and I'm sad... I have exhausted myself ... and I'm exhausted and sad and disgusted …

This season.. this season of relentless moments over the course of the last few years has positioned my eyes to different places and upon Him all the more...

I remember years ago when I wanted to listen to a tape series on a subject I was pursuing and Father asked me not to... telling me that He was teaching me and He was laying instruction into my heart.. but lacking confidence in that place and trusting in men more than my God I listened... He was right.. there wasn't anything on that tape series that He Himself hadn't taught me and what followed was truly sad...

He gave me what I wanted and expressed His heart that He would not instruct me like He had been doing for the next season.. I had trusted in Chariots .. I had trusted in other men's revelation more than the heart beat of God as it had poured out upon my heart and mind. It isn't that there are never to be teachers and leaders it is that we need to have our hearts and eyes focused rightly.

This is no longer about ugliness seen upon men and leaders and ministry.. nor is it about the ugliness seen upon myself... This is about how do we then live...

The deep darknesses and the gardens are horrible places for the flesh and tear upon the soul in ways that I have not the words for.... but they truly are one of the most magnificent and horrifying places to be... to encounter God....

Elisha's servant's heart was frail and afraid... seeing only the schemes and plans of the enemy the servant did not know the answer of the Kingdom.. the answer of God... But Elisha in that moment didn't create a cripple unto himself... He empowered the servant's eyes to see...

Empowering others... empowering any and all who hunger and thirst.. empowering myself away from some corrupted horrific puny version of religious truths into life.... Into the deep darkness and into the garden.. into the wilderness because the promise is that when I emerge.. I will emerge leaning on my beloved.... and then whatever it took to land me there is where I need to walk...