As we walked to the parking lot the helicopter hovered... and as it drew my attention I noticed it wasn't a news helicopter it had the emblem of the local hospital upon its tail.... it was landing on the highway near by....
A friend and I were packing our kids into the car after a day at the local amusement park and off not to far we could see multitudes of fire trucks and lights swirling and the helicopter landing....
As it had off and on for the last hour the skies opened and rained poured out .... my friend prayed for it to clear so that the helicopter could take off.... we all prayed... for the people, the emergency workers, the families that would be involved... we all prayed as we drove home... my thoughts went to the homeless man that we passed on the side of the road... here I was in a truck loaded with ones I so dearly love... dry... headed home and here he was holding a sign ... and up the road there were those contending for life... contending with the elements... contending with all the traffic backing up.... and in my rear view mirror my sweet little 2 year old daughter was fighting the fight to not fall asleep after a day of play in the sun....
So many different thoughts ran threw my head ....as we pulled in the driveway one of our cars was missing and as any mom who just witnessed (even from a far) the horrors of a car accident I wanted to know where my teenager was.... (side note... when I walked in and told my husband about the accident on a highway so very close to us... he was the one that called said teenager :) I guess we both wanted to know he was else where and he was)
My toddler had fallen asleep in the 5 minute car ride home however she awoke and was hungry and so as showers started and people went about getting settled and preparing dinner I fed her and my husband carried her up to her bed....
I also turned the tv on.... I normally don't watch the news and I think it was the fact that I had seen a helicopter land on a highway... or maybe the whole scene of life as we drove home... horrible accident unfolding.. homeless man... sleepy toddler... safe teenager.... but I turned the tv on because I was hoping that there would be something ... something about the accident... something .... it is interesting how the soul craves information when exposed to events and times...
There would be nothing on the news about the accident but it was filled with aspects of life that I had just written about not to long ago..... the stock market down because joblessness is up.... people worried about the future... a local man being covered as he walks from his house to the unemployment office back to home... the local man showed the interviewer his last fifty cents.... and back to walking the man went.....
This morning as I thought about all the happenings from just yesterday and I laid in my bed thinking and praying.... again my mind went to the realities of life...... I still don't know if there were fatalities upon that highway and what lives changed in an instant... I don't know if that homeless man found a dry place to rest his head as storms rolled out through the evening.... I don't know if that local man will have more than fifty cents in his pocket today.... there is so much I don't know....
And again as I just wrote yesterday.... I don't have to prophesy that the times are hard and will get harder I think a good amount of people believe that and look at that with great fear in their hearts.... this morning as I lay in my bed I thought again of oh so many things...
I thought about risk... I thought about those who know their God.. I thought of religion... I thought about faith... I thought about Jesus.. I thought of the Pharisees... I thought of when Jesus cleansed the temple... I thought and I thought and I thought...
About the realities of life... and THE REALITIES OF LIFE....
In the power of the Spirit and entwined with the love and reality of the Father Jesus walked upon the earth doing that which He knew in His heart was that which His Father would have Him do....
He gave jobs to men... come follow me..... He gave purpose to the outcast... to the lonely ... to the afraid... He walked upon the road with men and women and children... He fed the hungry.... gave hope to the hopeless... Healed those in need... taught in such a way that the people wouldn't be burdened with religion but would have life and know that God cared for them and that they were the very ones that God would sell all He had for.....
My friends.... I sat in my bed this morning wondering even at my bank account and yet setting my heart upon which reality of life am I going to believe...... and what am I going to do.......
Something is changing more and more inside me... prayers that I would really know God as Father are being answered in sweet and tender ways and strong and powerful ways... I prayed no special prayer... I said no specific words.... I sought Him out and said I am yours but I want to know you.. really really know You.. not as I would make You to be but as You are.... I must know You... I want to be Your daughter... You have promised to be my Father... I want to walk in that ... that is it..... and now.. now it is becoming THE REALITY OF MY LIFE.....
I talked to a woman last week and just felt to tell her that the Lord really really loved her... and when she said thank you.. I looked at her again and I said no I really mean it... God really really loves you and she asked what His name was... and the story played out in the most beautiful of ways as we later through a series of events ended up meeting her again in a totally unplanned second location except this time it was her husband thanking us... times are rolling out and people are hungry... very very hungry.. for hope... for life... for healing... and in His name the realities of real life.. abundant life coming flowing in the most amazing ways.....
I am stepping into more and more and being led more and more in the Target.. in the shopping mall.. on the streets.... the reality of life is flowing... that the Father sent His son to tell a world that is very aware of the realities of life of the truest REALITIES of Living......
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
My daughter will not be food for wolves... In one generation.. In one lifetime
She was heading outside.. but I knew that look upon her face... I knew that her heart was hurting and I knew she was separating herself from a safe place.... So I looked at her and I said don't be the one sheep that goes out of the flock.... and I explained how when wolves are prowling the herd should circle around the weak and the old and the young so that they aren't exposed.... and I said to her to get into the circle and not wander away....
The enemy of our soul knows how to lie to us... how to catch our hearts up into whispers of lies that separate and isolate us and cause harm to our souls.... So as I saw her as she tried to get out the door I brought her attention to the fact that she matters... that who she is matters... that her heart is worth circling around... that she is worth contending for... that she is worth warning and pulling back into the fold....
She did not leave the safety of the house nor did she wander off alone to entertain lies of the enemy ... instead I was able to speak solid truth into her being... and hold her and comfort her and her heart was made firmer.....
There is liberty to see that in one generation a child's heart can be trained towards truth... a child's heart can be sured up and taught to know truth in a way that sets her free from the lies of the world... the lies of the enemy... the lies of ones own heart.... A child can be taught to trust that that which God says about her is stronger than anything else that anything else would ever have to say.... A child can stand in a place of knowing the nature and character of God in such a way that she can recognize lies that would bring harm... that a child can have victory and safety within the refuge of the Most High God....
In one generation.......
Twenty years in and twenty years out.... I turn forty this October... and I was saved at twenty and the years that those twenty first years held are full of things that I would rather forget... but these ... these last twenty years ... I have watched as He has wooed my soul into His truth and how He has empowered for healing and for change and how now... standing on the shores of a new day... standing on shores where with confidence I approach His throne... heart sured up... lies having been exposed... knowing the truth and the freedom that that truth brings... I stand....
In one lifetime.....
In a life time we will see the glory and the majesty of God upon the face of the earth... where the thoughts and opinions of God will triumph and His kingdom will come and His will will be done.... I have seen in a lifetime that the power and provision and truth of God can blow apart walls that were of destruction and bring forth ground that bear life and liberty and strength....
The enemy of our soul knows how to lie to us... how to catch our hearts up into whispers of lies that separate and isolate us and cause harm to our souls.... So as I saw her as she tried to get out the door I brought her attention to the fact that she matters... that who she is matters... that her heart is worth circling around... that she is worth contending for... that she is worth warning and pulling back into the fold....
She did not leave the safety of the house nor did she wander off alone to entertain lies of the enemy ... instead I was able to speak solid truth into her being... and hold her and comfort her and her heart was made firmer.....
There is liberty to see that in one generation a child's heart can be trained towards truth... a child's heart can be sured up and taught to know truth in a way that sets her free from the lies of the world... the lies of the enemy... the lies of ones own heart.... A child can be taught to trust that that which God says about her is stronger than anything else that anything else would ever have to say.... A child can stand in a place of knowing the nature and character of God in such a way that she can recognize lies that would bring harm... that a child can have victory and safety within the refuge of the Most High God....
In one generation.......
Twenty years in and twenty years out.... I turn forty this October... and I was saved at twenty and the years that those twenty first years held are full of things that I would rather forget... but these ... these last twenty years ... I have watched as He has wooed my soul into His truth and how He has empowered for healing and for change and how now... standing on the shores of a new day... standing on shores where with confidence I approach His throne... heart sured up... lies having been exposed... knowing the truth and the freedom that that truth brings... I stand....
In one lifetime.....
In a life time we will see the glory and the majesty of God upon the face of the earth... where the thoughts and opinions of God will triumph and His kingdom will come and His will will be done.... I have seen in a lifetime that the power and provision and truth of God can blow apart walls that were of destruction and bring forth ground that bear life and liberty and strength....
I will not prophesy disaster... or ruin... nor do I say peace.. peace... For there is truly so much more to say....
There is so much that is being said in these days.... and I don't want to be like the false prophets and say peace ... peace where there is no peace... and don't get me wrong ... I can see the signs of that which is coming.... but so can those that don't have eyes to see.. and don't have ears to hear... and don't have hearts that comprehend.....
So what can't they see.....
What can't they see ... when what they wonder is about hope for themselves... their families... their lives.. their children's lives... when what they see is full of fear and concern.... when what they see has nothing but dead ends and fear......
My friend that is truly where we come in... the land is dark and the times are as those when the love of most will grow cold...
But you see I won't prophesy financial destruction... and I won't prophecy natural disasters... and I won't prophecy wars and rumors of wars.... people don't need those things prophesied about... they can watch CNN or NBC news and see for themselves... they can look at their own bank accounts or their retirement accounts and have panic and fear for the future....
I won't prophesy those things... no I won't....
But I will scream from the mountain tops..... that the lame can walk ... and the blind can see... that health insurance is nothing compared to the healing nature of the Lord my God.... I will talk about how He taught fisherman who were weary and exhausted from the work of the day and night to take another chance and put down the nets and there were boat loads of fish.... I will talk about how the one who was the Bread of life would take a few loaves and a few fish and turn them into a meal of thousands.... I will share of a heart that was so huge that He had compassion on the multitudes and with power and might He healed their diseases... and their hearts and gave them hope.....
I will risk looking like a fool and live a fool's life and I will look and step in the power of my Father as His daughter... and offer those who know no hope a hope that can never disappoint......
People don't need to know what the world can tell them... they need to know what the world can't tell them and that is what I was taught .. and that is what I know...
I am not from this place... my citizenship is not of this place.... I know from where I have come from and I know to where I go.... and I will be one pointing the way.... where will you find me? In the streets and the highways and byways proclaiming that while there are trials and tribulations we need not fear... for there is One who has so truly overcome and in His name I walk forward.....
So what can't they see.....
What can't they see ... when what they wonder is about hope for themselves... their families... their lives.. their children's lives... when what they see is full of fear and concern.... when what they see has nothing but dead ends and fear......
My friend that is truly where we come in... the land is dark and the times are as those when the love of most will grow cold...
But you see I won't prophesy financial destruction... and I won't prophecy natural disasters... and I won't prophecy wars and rumors of wars.... people don't need those things prophesied about... they can watch CNN or NBC news and see for themselves... they can look at their own bank accounts or their retirement accounts and have panic and fear for the future....
I won't prophesy those things... no I won't....
But I will scream from the mountain tops..... that the lame can walk ... and the blind can see... that health insurance is nothing compared to the healing nature of the Lord my God.... I will talk about how He taught fisherman who were weary and exhausted from the work of the day and night to take another chance and put down the nets and there were boat loads of fish.... I will talk about how the one who was the Bread of life would take a few loaves and a few fish and turn them into a meal of thousands.... I will share of a heart that was so huge that He had compassion on the multitudes and with power and might He healed their diseases... and their hearts and gave them hope.....
I will risk looking like a fool and live a fool's life and I will look and step in the power of my Father as His daughter... and offer those who know no hope a hope that can never disappoint......
People don't need to know what the world can tell them... they need to know what the world can't tell them and that is what I was taught .. and that is what I know...
I am not from this place... my citizenship is not of this place.... I know from where I have come from and I know to where I go.... and I will be one pointing the way.... where will you find me? In the streets and the highways and byways proclaiming that while there are trials and tribulations we need not fear... for there is One who has so truly overcome and in His name I walk forward.....
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Behold the days are coming and are upon us.....
The things I like about my life right now... the things that I like the most... is that I am have come to a place of peace.... not that there aren't the moments where things come cropping back up or times when I must look at some aspect of past.. present or future decisions that hold weight but I like ... truly like where I get to reside most of the moments of my day...
Having so grown up under the shadow of perfection and performance... of falsehood and fear to know liberty these days is truly beautiful.... to know and learn how to more fully walk as me ... as I intrinsically am.... there is so no greater gift.... the thoughts and opinions of man fall off more and more and the situations and scenarios that would raise their head have less and less a hold upon me....
Fear still has some landing ground.. but perfect love is taking over and completely remodeling the place... confidence and courage replace a shrinking back persona and the capacity to arise and know what it is to be loved has flown into my life and taken up residence...
I am His daughter... I know so much more fully what it is to be like Him.. .to be called by His name.. to be His.. to orient myself to the world as a daughter of Father God is an incredible world view to have stepped into....
Coming to a place where more fully all that I see is through that lens... where in most moments I sit or stand or have my being within Him .. surrounded by Him.. always as His... knowing that His ways and thoughts rule and reign as they surround me ... His thoughts and opinions dictate the way I should see things and are capturing my attention all the more...
His outstretched hand.. His wooing gaze... they all pull me further in... further up into all that He has called for me to be....
No greater thing will I ever do than walk beside Him as His... to be His this is the greatest adventure yet... to take part of Him to be in Him.. to abide... to flow .. to walk.. to attach myself to that which He is ... well it changes me ... changes me daily.. changes that which I see... changes how I see... changes my heart and my capacity for compassion...
Living in the world but not of it... because we are of something so much greater... not stooping down to something so much less than that which we are called to... no longer playing in the pig slop... not the pig slop of the world.. nor the pig slop of ministry... but the house.... playing in my Father's house.. knowing that I never have to leave... that I can be one that is always with Him and one that knows that all that He has is mine as His daughter... this I believe... I can live in the world and be of my Father's house.... always in His house.. always in His dwelling... never leaving His side... not one step...
We are most continually surrounded ... surrounded by Him... always ... always.. He who never leaves me nor forsakes me ... most tangibly walks alongside me....
I rest in Him... knowing that in His presence is fullness of joy... and I'll say this... which I rarely do... a day is coming and is not far off.. when those that have cultivated His presence and have preferred Him over busy labor... preferred Him over title... work... hierarchical game play.. will see Him roll out His presence like the dawn and healing like the noon day sun... a movement of healing is rolling out... the beginnings of which will arise before the end of the Summer and will grow and grow and grow... and I will repent as publicly as I say this if I am wrong... but mark my words.. the Father is arising upon His creation ... calling that which is His His... fullness of joy... His kingdom upon earth.. not in slight ways but in meaningful tangible ways..... I have seen the beginnings of it this past week in the market place and there is grace.. oh so much grace to talk about Him and share Him and minister His freedom and His healing...
Here is to a time of sons and daughters arising .. for they will know where they have come from and whose they are ... This is that which is upon us.... and it is wonderful ... those that have hungered and thirsted to see again that which drew them into the kingdom in the first place will be made fuller than they ever thought possible....
This world is so not my home... that which I am of is higher and better and fuller and richer... and the sick will be made well.. and the blind will see.. and the deaf will hear and lame will walk... and and and... behold the days are coming... and are upon us.....
Having so grown up under the shadow of perfection and performance... of falsehood and fear to know liberty these days is truly beautiful.... to know and learn how to more fully walk as me ... as I intrinsically am.... there is so no greater gift.... the thoughts and opinions of man fall off more and more and the situations and scenarios that would raise their head have less and less a hold upon me....
Fear still has some landing ground.. but perfect love is taking over and completely remodeling the place... confidence and courage replace a shrinking back persona and the capacity to arise and know what it is to be loved has flown into my life and taken up residence...
I am His daughter... I know so much more fully what it is to be like Him.. .to be called by His name.. to be His.. to orient myself to the world as a daughter of Father God is an incredible world view to have stepped into....
Coming to a place where more fully all that I see is through that lens... where in most moments I sit or stand or have my being within Him .. surrounded by Him.. always as His... knowing that His ways and thoughts rule and reign as they surround me ... His thoughts and opinions dictate the way I should see things and are capturing my attention all the more...
His outstretched hand.. His wooing gaze... they all pull me further in... further up into all that He has called for me to be....
No greater thing will I ever do than walk beside Him as His... to be His this is the greatest adventure yet... to take part of Him to be in Him.. to abide... to flow .. to walk.. to attach myself to that which He is ... well it changes me ... changes me daily.. changes that which I see... changes how I see... changes my heart and my capacity for compassion...
Living in the world but not of it... because we are of something so much greater... not stooping down to something so much less than that which we are called to... no longer playing in the pig slop... not the pig slop of the world.. nor the pig slop of ministry... but the house.... playing in my Father's house.. knowing that I never have to leave... that I can be one that is always with Him and one that knows that all that He has is mine as His daughter... this I believe... I can live in the world and be of my Father's house.... always in His house.. always in His dwelling... never leaving His side... not one step...
We are most continually surrounded ... surrounded by Him... always ... always.. He who never leaves me nor forsakes me ... most tangibly walks alongside me....
I rest in Him... knowing that in His presence is fullness of joy... and I'll say this... which I rarely do... a day is coming and is not far off.. when those that have cultivated His presence and have preferred Him over busy labor... preferred Him over title... work... hierarchical game play.. will see Him roll out His presence like the dawn and healing like the noon day sun... a movement of healing is rolling out... the beginnings of which will arise before the end of the Summer and will grow and grow and grow... and I will repent as publicly as I say this if I am wrong... but mark my words.. the Father is arising upon His creation ... calling that which is His His... fullness of joy... His kingdom upon earth.. not in slight ways but in meaningful tangible ways..... I have seen the beginnings of it this past week in the market place and there is grace.. oh so much grace to talk about Him and share Him and minister His freedom and His healing...
Here is to a time of sons and daughters arising .. for they will know where they have come from and whose they are ... This is that which is upon us.... and it is wonderful ... those that have hungered and thirsted to see again that which drew them into the kingdom in the first place will be made fuller than they ever thought possible....
This world is so not my home... that which I am of is higher and better and fuller and richer... and the sick will be made well.. and the blind will see.. and the deaf will hear and lame will walk... and and and... behold the days are coming... and are upon us.....
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I could have been so easily her... except I would have been guilty
There are things in life I know to instinctively stay away from.... uhm lots of things... some innocent ... some not so innocent... and some because of where I have walked I can't watch and can't participate...
However today I have felt a push towards a comment and towards a confession... People who know me now don't know this part of my life.... people who see me with my children now and know me and know my children would .. could.. never imagine the battle that used to rage inside of me.... But it did... it truly did... and Jim and I have talked today about how to express this and how to write it ... this is not that... but that is coming....
Here is some uncensored truth about me.... There were days were I would look at my son and I would think about how overwhelmed I was and how unable to that which was before me and I would entertain thoughts that just send me to shutters now.. but not then... back then I felt at times like a trapped animal and just needed to get out... anyway possible...
There were times where I would call a friend and confess to her that as one child was sitting on the sofa watching TV and another was in a high chair that I felt so tempted to leave... to just walk out the door... suffocating under life and the lack that I felt to live it I just couldn't bare up.... my confession was only met with utter disbelief and horror and a question of what did I say... and so I changed the topic really quickly... and moved on and on and on.... collapsing inside ... ashamed inside... horrified at myself but desperate....
Some could say selfish... others could say other words... and all those things I was... but I was also so incapable of loving... so unattached to the world and its reality... so lacking the capacity to know remorse .. having such a seared conscience that more lies than truth flowed through me.....
But God was gracious... and I was not like one of those moms who drove their kids into a lake nor was I ever in a place where I was accused of committed some atrocity towards my kids... But only because of God's grace and the love of a community that stepped in and saw my brokenness and believed I could be different... only because of the love and commitment of a husband who was determined that I would become all that God intended for me to become....
I have no opinions on what happened.. I didn't watch one iota of this most recent event... I purposefully didn't because I know in my heart what I was so very capable of and I didn't want to be reminded... but God has other plans... and I stand stronger for looking at this and for saying.... we have no idea what is going on in another's head and if we act in horror or condemn weakness then we might miss signs that are out there to save another child's life and even the life of a mother...
I have six kids now... my goodness.. six... and I love them and am capable of doing so.. and the idea of doing them harm is foreign to me.. but one day not so very long ago it wasn't foreign... one day not so very long ago I was desperate and confused and in pain and but by the grace of God I would not be standing as the mom of those beautiful human beings.... I am one who knew darkness and death and sorrow and defeat and I am one now that knows grace and mercy and life and joy.... I must pass on that hope.... to the weary and to the down trodden... I must pass on that hope....
However today I have felt a push towards a comment and towards a confession... People who know me now don't know this part of my life.... people who see me with my children now and know me and know my children would .. could.. never imagine the battle that used to rage inside of me.... But it did... it truly did... and Jim and I have talked today about how to express this and how to write it ... this is not that... but that is coming....
Here is some uncensored truth about me.... There were days were I would look at my son and I would think about how overwhelmed I was and how unable to that which was before me and I would entertain thoughts that just send me to shutters now.. but not then... back then I felt at times like a trapped animal and just needed to get out... anyway possible...
There were times where I would call a friend and confess to her that as one child was sitting on the sofa watching TV and another was in a high chair that I felt so tempted to leave... to just walk out the door... suffocating under life and the lack that I felt to live it I just couldn't bare up.... my confession was only met with utter disbelief and horror and a question of what did I say... and so I changed the topic really quickly... and moved on and on and on.... collapsing inside ... ashamed inside... horrified at myself but desperate....
Some could say selfish... others could say other words... and all those things I was... but I was also so incapable of loving... so unattached to the world and its reality... so lacking the capacity to know remorse .. having such a seared conscience that more lies than truth flowed through me.....
But God was gracious... and I was not like one of those moms who drove their kids into a lake nor was I ever in a place where I was accused of committed some atrocity towards my kids... But only because of God's grace and the love of a community that stepped in and saw my brokenness and believed I could be different... only because of the love and commitment of a husband who was determined that I would become all that God intended for me to become....
I have no opinions on what happened.. I didn't watch one iota of this most recent event... I purposefully didn't because I know in my heart what I was so very capable of and I didn't want to be reminded... but God has other plans... and I stand stronger for looking at this and for saying.... we have no idea what is going on in another's head and if we act in horror or condemn weakness then we might miss signs that are out there to save another child's life and even the life of a mother...
I have six kids now... my goodness.. six... and I love them and am capable of doing so.. and the idea of doing them harm is foreign to me.. but one day not so very long ago it wasn't foreign... one day not so very long ago I was desperate and confused and in pain and but by the grace of God I would not be standing as the mom of those beautiful human beings.... I am one who knew darkness and death and sorrow and defeat and I am one now that knows grace and mercy and life and joy.... I must pass on that hope.... to the weary and to the down trodden... I must pass on that hope....
Friday, July 1, 2011
And courage and confidence became my traveling companions for this day and into the days to come
I can barely come to write today... I come with my heart in my throat and tears streaming down my face.. His goodness has undone me this morning .... It has brought me to my knees and yet He beckons me to stand and holds out His hand for me to walk with Him..... I find my feet only through His grace and His strength... His beauty is marvelous to me and His majesty breathtaking.... His smile and that look in His eyes melts me completely... and His and only His do I wish to be...
I awoke and then just so desired to focus upon Him so I sat back down on the bed.... as I did I saw this garden... It was incredible... the flowers were amazing... bright and colorful and inviting ... and I knew the invitation to come into His garden was so very present.... I welcomed the invitation and went with Him and all exploded into joy...
As we walked together He brought me to this place that He had already prepared.... and He exclaimed that He had a present for me... and His delight was so very evident that I could barely contain myself.... and there ... there before me was a blue light... a circle... but I knew it was as a heart... and He looked at me and I at Him and I received the gift with immeasurable gratitude...
I knew that the revelation to know Him... to understand His ways as opposed to the ways of the world that I had known... was present in a degree I had never walked in and that it was He taking my heart of stone and giving me a heart that could truly know His name and walk with Him.... a heart full of the revelation of the Father ... full of the revelation of the ways of His heart...
He took the circle and it glowed in His hand... and He looked at me... and in this moment I knew I was surrounded by Him and His Kingdom and that there were witnesses to this event that had come to watch and walk within this time.... I had awoken from a dream which within I had been asked to become a man's bride to a reality so much better than any dream.. and even in that He filled my heart..
I had been having so many dreams as of late that there were times where I thought that living within the world of my dreams brought me greater peace and comfort and I wanted that reality to transition into life.... and this morning waking up I woke up to greater than anything I could imagine.....
I must comment here because there is this aspect of walking with Him that I have been watching roll out... There was this other issue that I desired for Him to move upon and thought will this be one of those times that I pray and pray and pray and wait and wait and wait... yet He has been being so diligent with me to show me areas within my heart that I need to surrender and as I have I have watched prayers like that one have answers before I almost speak them....
Again He has taken my heart of stone and brought forth life... belief ... undivided capacity to grasp that which He is saying and know it to be true in the depths of my being...
He has taken the time to watch over my heart and cultivate it as the most magnificent garden and then ... then as He does sometimes as we walk together side by side or sit quietly within each other's presence... ... I see we come full circle... and I see that smile of His and that twinkle in His eye... because He comes and He whispers to me that the garden He invited me to see was my very own heart... but I would have never said that about myself and once again I am learning His ways... and walking into His heart and seeing as He sees...
And beyond anything I could think or imagine my heart soars... it soars because of His goodness... His intense goodness towards me .... He is so other... He is so different than anything I ever knew... He is so all that my heart could ever desire and oh so much more....
As I emerge from our times together and acknowledge that I am sitting cross legged upon my bed I see that I am surrounded by Him... His Kingdom... His presence.... His witnesses and I know that I know that I know that I am always more surrounded by Him and His goodness and all that He is so much more than I ever knew..... that beyond seeing the world that surrounds me there is a stronger place that surrounds me and that greater is He that is with me always than he who rules the world... and courage and confidence become my traveling companions for this day and into the days to come...
blessed be His name... in all times and in all things.. His goodness reigns... that which we see and believe will determine that which we do... that which we think... that which we know.... He leads us deeper into Him so that we can see beyond that which we would think so as to see that which He knows .... that garden..
I would have never thought my heart looked like that to Him but in Him showing me and then revealing that which He showed I am strengthened... for His ways are so so very not ours .... they are truly deeper and greater and more....
and again I say blessed be His name... the name above all names... He is the One who leads me ... who cares for me... whose desire is for me.. oh yes... blessed be the name.. blessed be His glorious .. most beautiful name...
and we dance and we twirl and we are together for the ages... and that ... that is such an awe inspiring thing....
I awoke and then just so desired to focus upon Him so I sat back down on the bed.... as I did I saw this garden... It was incredible... the flowers were amazing... bright and colorful and inviting ... and I knew the invitation to come into His garden was so very present.... I welcomed the invitation and went with Him and all exploded into joy...
As we walked together He brought me to this place that He had already prepared.... and He exclaimed that He had a present for me... and His delight was so very evident that I could barely contain myself.... and there ... there before me was a blue light... a circle... but I knew it was as a heart... and He looked at me and I at Him and I received the gift with immeasurable gratitude...
I knew that the revelation to know Him... to understand His ways as opposed to the ways of the world that I had known... was present in a degree I had never walked in and that it was He taking my heart of stone and giving me a heart that could truly know His name and walk with Him.... a heart full of the revelation of the Father ... full of the revelation of the ways of His heart...
He took the circle and it glowed in His hand... and He looked at me... and in this moment I knew I was surrounded by Him and His Kingdom and that there were witnesses to this event that had come to watch and walk within this time.... I had awoken from a dream which within I had been asked to become a man's bride to a reality so much better than any dream.. and even in that He filled my heart..
I had been having so many dreams as of late that there were times where I thought that living within the world of my dreams brought me greater peace and comfort and I wanted that reality to transition into life.... and this morning waking up I woke up to greater than anything I could imagine.....
I must comment here because there is this aspect of walking with Him that I have been watching roll out... There was this other issue that I desired for Him to move upon and thought will this be one of those times that I pray and pray and pray and wait and wait and wait... yet He has been being so diligent with me to show me areas within my heart that I need to surrender and as I have I have watched prayers like that one have answers before I almost speak them....
Again He has taken my heart of stone and brought forth life... belief ... undivided capacity to grasp that which He is saying and know it to be true in the depths of my being...
He has taken the time to watch over my heart and cultivate it as the most magnificent garden and then ... then as He does sometimes as we walk together side by side or sit quietly within each other's presence... ... I see we come full circle... and I see that smile of His and that twinkle in His eye... because He comes and He whispers to me that the garden He invited me to see was my very own heart... but I would have never said that about myself and once again I am learning His ways... and walking into His heart and seeing as He sees...
And beyond anything I could think or imagine my heart soars... it soars because of His goodness... His intense goodness towards me .... He is so other... He is so different than anything I ever knew... He is so all that my heart could ever desire and oh so much more....
As I emerge from our times together and acknowledge that I am sitting cross legged upon my bed I see that I am surrounded by Him... His Kingdom... His presence.... His witnesses and I know that I know that I know that I am always more surrounded by Him and His goodness and all that He is so much more than I ever knew..... that beyond seeing the world that surrounds me there is a stronger place that surrounds me and that greater is He that is with me always than he who rules the world... and courage and confidence become my traveling companions for this day and into the days to come...
blessed be His name... in all times and in all things.. His goodness reigns... that which we see and believe will determine that which we do... that which we think... that which we know.... He leads us deeper into Him so that we can see beyond that which we would think so as to see that which He knows .... that garden..
I would have never thought my heart looked like that to Him but in Him showing me and then revealing that which He showed I am strengthened... for His ways are so so very not ours .... they are truly deeper and greater and more....
and again I say blessed be His name... the name above all names... He is the One who leads me ... who cares for me... whose desire is for me.. oh yes... blessed be the name.. blessed be His glorious .. most beautiful name...
and we dance and we twirl and we are together for the ages... and that ... that is such an awe inspiring thing....
Thursday, June 30, 2011
beyond the reaches of this world... He has made provision for me....
In all that He knows He knows all... and in all my frailty and in all my strength He knows me perfectly.... In realizing how perfectly I am known by Him I can rest... I can rest that He intrinsically understands the very fabric of my life and all of my days.. past.. present ... future sit before Him...
His outstretched hand so welcoming and being led by Him so crazy incredible... and yet at times as I see His outstretched hand and I know where it is that He is leading I pause... I pause and I look into those eyes of His and I wonder... Silly me .. I still wonder...
But then I looked at that hand and I know that heart... and I know that even if the first grasp sends chills throughout all that I am.. His strength quickly follows and I have been led by Him enough to know that whether it is the valley of the shadow of death or the highest heights... it is He that I walk next to... it is He that leads me... and while He leads me I know that I need not ever be afraid....
This time.. this time looking into those amazing eyes of His... this time.. understanding even a tad more of the where and the what... I look deep into that which He is as He looks deep into that which I am... and I am confident of this.. that He who truly began a good work will carry it onto completion and that He has already made allowances for my doubts and fears and all while He still holds out His hand.....
I know that I know that I know that He sees me.. completely... there is nothing I can hide from Him.. He sees the areas where He has already with amazing love transformed me into His likeness and He sees the areas that still need to be yielded...and He knows.. He knows how to perfectly and patiently gain access to all those places... and He loves me so very perfectly and tenderly and yet with great strength and authority does He take my life into Him and call me to abide and allow the life flowing power and grace of the vine to flow into the branches of my life......
His delight is truly in us... His delight is in me and for me.. and He delights.. He delights in us... and that I am hidden in Him and that He is in me and that we are together... He delights in the relationship that we all share...
It isn't that there isn't a valley of the shadow of death.. it isn't that there aren't trials and tribulations... It is that He walks next to us through them and that He has fully overcome them... It is that He has made a way.. and that He makes a way... so that we can journey through them all with a confidence of who we truly are... we are not slaves to elements nor are we captives to those things that occur within the framework of our days... it is that we are more than overcomers... not in a religious sense of that phrase but in reality... that truly is who we are...
That is who He has formed and fashioned us to be.. that is what He has done... He took us from slaves to death and went and got the keys to the cells that would bind us and lay a hold of our lives and He loosens our chains and opens those doors and in all His authority He renames us and calls us His citizens and His friends and His ... His period.... The enemy could not hold Him and because of that which our Lord and Savior did the enemy can not hold us..... Our Lord breaks those chains and sets us to soar...
This world can no longer lay claim to that which I am... it can longer have any power over me.... and that which it tries to touch the Lord has made provision for that too in the ancient wells of His heart the balms of healing pour forth and show up with strength and healing in His wing......
His outstretched hand so welcoming and being led by Him so crazy incredible... and yet at times as I see His outstretched hand and I know where it is that He is leading I pause... I pause and I look into those eyes of His and I wonder... Silly me .. I still wonder...
But then I looked at that hand and I know that heart... and I know that even if the first grasp sends chills throughout all that I am.. His strength quickly follows and I have been led by Him enough to know that whether it is the valley of the shadow of death or the highest heights... it is He that I walk next to... it is He that leads me... and while He leads me I know that I need not ever be afraid....
This time.. this time looking into those amazing eyes of His... this time.. understanding even a tad more of the where and the what... I look deep into that which He is as He looks deep into that which I am... and I am confident of this.. that He who truly began a good work will carry it onto completion and that He has already made allowances for my doubts and fears and all while He still holds out His hand.....
I know that I know that I know that He sees me.. completely... there is nothing I can hide from Him.. He sees the areas where He has already with amazing love transformed me into His likeness and He sees the areas that still need to be yielded...and He knows.. He knows how to perfectly and patiently gain access to all those places... and He loves me so very perfectly and tenderly and yet with great strength and authority does He take my life into Him and call me to abide and allow the life flowing power and grace of the vine to flow into the branches of my life......
His delight is truly in us... His delight is in me and for me.. and He delights.. He delights in us... and that I am hidden in Him and that He is in me and that we are together... He delights in the relationship that we all share...
It isn't that there isn't a valley of the shadow of death.. it isn't that there aren't trials and tribulations... It is that He walks next to us through them and that He has fully overcome them... It is that He has made a way.. and that He makes a way... so that we can journey through them all with a confidence of who we truly are... we are not slaves to elements nor are we captives to those things that occur within the framework of our days... it is that we are more than overcomers... not in a religious sense of that phrase but in reality... that truly is who we are...
That is who He has formed and fashioned us to be.. that is what He has done... He took us from slaves to death and went and got the keys to the cells that would bind us and lay a hold of our lives and He loosens our chains and opens those doors and in all His authority He renames us and calls us His citizens and His friends and His ... His period.... The enemy could not hold Him and because of that which our Lord and Savior did the enemy can not hold us..... Our Lord breaks those chains and sets us to soar...
This world can no longer lay claim to that which I am... it can longer have any power over me.... and that which it tries to touch the Lord has made provision for that too in the ancient wells of His heart the balms of healing pour forth and show up with strength and healing in His wing......
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