Awake..... It isn't time to be a good girl

Can you feel it?

I remember being in California during an earth quake.

I remember feeling the world underneath me shaking.

I remember wondering if it would ever stop.

I can picture standing in the door frame holding onto the edges and just wishing it would.

Everything that can be shaken will be shaken................

Everything that can be shaken will be shaken.

As I sit quietly and think over the last years of my life the reality of that statement comes crashing forward.

I have good friends. I have really good friends. They grant me the space to be myself and figure things out. They grant me the room to be ugly and in process. They laugh with me, they weep with me, they celebrate with me.... We laugh and weep and celebrate together.

“It was in that moment you stopped performing.” Something to that affect was said in regards to a series of conversations we were engaged in. I have said that the one element, that has emerged from the last eight to twelve months, has been birthed from the component of losing the luxury of silence, propriety, and man pleasing. In this mother load of transition, that has piggy backed upon an already very long season, I stepped into a place where I was so thoroughly willing to say what it would be that I would truly want to say within most, if not all, of my conversations. In most places I ceased hedging my bets.

I was so conditioned in life that I would feel out the atmosphere of a room, a people, a conversation and enter into any such environment or circumstance metering myself out and morphing myself into a place of acceptability. Maybe not always but those places were only ever circumvented if I felt truly safe and if not I would stand as observer even if I was participant.

I won't go into the details of what has changed all that. I merely state it has changed. “It was the moment you stopped performing.” I have said that though these last months have held within them relentless punches I have never liked myself more and yesterday, when my friends spoke regarding that quoted statement, I realized how right they were.. Completely, they were completely correct.

Being “awoken and seen” has been a theme in my life and writing/blogging/ whatever you call any of this... has been geared towards that endeavor. I'm writing out my story in a form that is so thoroughly exciting me... a story of how just “A girl next door,” awoke and began to speak.

I have performed and people pleased and played the part of polite “good girl,” and I don't want to be a “good girl,” I want to be the human being I was created to be and speak with the voice I was given... I don't want to live a metered out existence wondering if what I say is offensive or not, nor do I desire to offend for the sake of offense.

Being awoken is a powerful sensation for one who lived so dormant for so long and I don't ever want to be lulled back into a passivity that quenches and kills.

I would rather be found wrong and challenged then watch safely from a sideline keeping quiet...

My favorite challenges these days are to look at Jesus and how He answered the challenges presented to Him and pray that Father would grant me the insight and discernment as to walk as His Son...

What do we do about taxes? He was asked! Whose face is on the coin...

What do we do with the woman caught in adultery? Who of you are without sin...

Always thinking they had Him caught and yet they fell into their own schemes...

He was awake.. oh so very awake... He was engaged.. He was intoxicating.. The people loved Him (until they didn't...) right?!? But even then He was faithful to who it was that He was...

Not the acclaim of men nor their detractions caused Him to waver... Whether He was with 3 or thousands... His heart, eyes and focus was upon the Father... from audiences with child or pharisee He met each one in the most inner places, connecting and speaking truth.. not some religious dogma or mantra but life..... LIFE

As I awaken.. as my eyes focus... as my heart grows strong so does my resolution...

When all that can be shaken is shaken what stands at the end is that which can.. what was built upon sand has long ago been washed away and what remains is awoken and awakening with a resolute strength and focus....

Awoken and awakening and walking and living.. not performing for men as a marionette nor lulled asleep but with eyes and heart wide open allowing that which will come to flow forth...

To the victor goes the spoils....................................

A boy in a field

A boy in a pit

A boy in a foreign place

David

Joseph

Daniel

When I held Outliers in my hands, love Malcolm Gladwell, I asked the question that if I was to dedicate 10,000 hours to anything what would it be....

It really didn't take long...

I want to know God. I want to know Him as He is and not as I or any other would make Him out to be....

I want to know His presence. I want to trust Him. I want to be His...

Daniel looked at the food that his captive culture wanted to feed him and he said in all purposes, no thank you.

You know... you read posts and the temperature of the person obviously comes across... and not too long ago as I was editing a piece I was writing I felt the nudge of the Lord to not become an angry voice... to not give into sarcasm and intellectually witty digs upon the Bride of my Lord, of which I am a part. Instead it was towards sight and affection He called me... to weep over her, to see her as she most intrinsically is....

I believe in the presence of God

I believe that any human being, neighborhood, street, town, city, county, state, country, etc etc would only be all that it could be if in stillness and in wonder we waited upon the presence of the Lord.

I believe in a God that demonstrates His purposes and His presence in ways that are so counter cultural to anything our world would teach us..  in and out of the church.

I believe in a God who is passionate about His creation and the people He created to inhabit it..

I believe in a God who walked straight into Samaria

I believe in a God who talked to those that were called unclean and unfit

I believe in a God who is able

I believe in a God who is strong

I believe in a God who is passionate

I believe in a God who walks with us, talks with us, guides us

I believe in a God who is powerful and almighty and I believe in a God that took the form of an infant

I believe in a God who is who He says He is and I am willing to wait upon Him

I relish the stories of a Noah who could have never gotten every animal upon the ark

I relish the stories of how our Lord demolish the efforts of Babel

I relish the stories of walls coming down and enemies being defeated by song, by worship, by Him...

I relish the stories of a man being released from prison by an angel

I relish the stories of the resurrection, of healing, of deliverance, of love, of restoration, of hope....

I relish the stories of Jesus and my Father and the testimonies of Holy Spirit..

I relish the reality that He is still at work today...

In my prayers for those in captivity.. for those who make the news and because of their faith are in prison in foreign countries.. I think upon Peter and I think upon Paul and I think upon the others that have gone before them... I think upon the hall of fame of faith and I think that some got to lead conquering armies and some got cut in half...

As Hebrews 11 states:

And what more shall I say? For time will fail me if I tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets, who by faith conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions,quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection; and others were tortured, not accepting theirrelease, so that they might obtain a better resurrection; and others experienced mockings and scourgings, yes, also chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy),wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground.

There are those that escape the sword and there are those sawn in half, there are those who watched as the mouths of lions got closed and there are those that were devoured by such beasts...

In all and through all.. I believe in a God whose presence changes and altars the courses of men and women...

I can not trust in horses and chariots and look upon their machinery and think that they are the better way.... I must look up to the hills for it is from there that my help comes from and it is that help that I trust.....

I don't want to be angry.. I am at times sorrowful, I am at times bewildered and baffled …

I most thoroughly believe that waiting upon the Lord is the most vital activity any Christian could engage in … Period...

To the victor goes the spoils.. ie.. The winner takes all... Well, I have read the end of the story.. and upon that day every single knee will bow and every single tongue will confess one name.. a name above all names and upon His face I will gaze if I can .. To Him and Him alone.. from this day to that may my eyes and heart be focused solely upon Him and in His presence may I dwell....

No he didn't sleep with his secretary or steal money part 2

The interesting problem becomes if you can so fashion a service down to the very last second and predict and control all that goes on then what need of the Holy Spirit do you have?  And what then do you have?  a smoke screen hyped up emotional manipulation of the people that will not empower them to stand with any real faith....

The tower of babel was able to be built until....  until God intervened.. the power of man to build things is immense.. I'm just exhausted by things built by man...

 I know.. I know ... its just been that kind of day and while I agree with Paul that some preach the gospel with beautiful motivations and others out of selfish ambition, as long as the gospel is being preached .... that is what matters.. the gospel is preached....Except when people, new believers, unbelievers, seekers are left in the wakes of it all .. the clean up sucks.. plain and simple the clean up sucks

Authentic faith.. faith that costs something.. faith that stands and stands and stands... a faith and love that does not seek its own.. that isn't about numbers or what man can do... A faith and love that is patient and kind and different from the world... that isn't a mock up of some reality tv show but waits upon the Lord for Him....

I know.. I know.. it has just been that kind of day.... and there are lots of things I would love to say... like when the 1000s were added to the disciples on pentecost they didn't have to fake anything... they didn't have to have people stationed in visible places.. The Holy Spirit did what He did after the 120 did what?  Waited..... not created some major marketing strategy.. but waited upon the Lord.. a problem with what happens and what we allow to happen because it makes sense based on the culture we live in is that we have lost the art of waiting upon the Lord and only doing that which He does...




Tonight I fall to my knees.  Tonight I bow my head low. Tonight I gasp for air.  Tonight I plead for grace.  Tonight I long for mercy.  Tonight I look up to the Heavens.  Tonight I let the tears fall.

Tonight I struggle for words.


Tonight I sat in an apartment of a dear friend.

The stories just kept pouring out of her heart.  I listened.  I dazed off.  I listened some more.

This youth worker found dead in his closet on an overdose... Her son had loved him.  He had been a great youth pastor. He had loved the kids. The kids had loved him.  He was amazing at what he did.  What happened?  Had the man behind the amazing youth pastor even ever been considered as a man or was he just a talented youth leader?  Was there someone watching over him and caring about him in regards to his own life.....

This other youth worker had an affair with the chorus director.  Both ran off leaving spouses, kids and church stunned.

This one church in Florida had seen more than even "Days of our Lives," could muster up and I just listened as the stories culminated in some very tragic events in the lives of senior leadership.

I listened.  I did daze off...  and then I listened some more...

I've been in ministry over 20 years.  YET....

Tonight I fall to my knees.  Tonight I bow my head low. Tonight I gasp for air.  Tonight I plead for grace.  Tonight I long for mercy.  Tonight I look up to the Heavens.  Tonight I let the tears fall.

Tonight I struggle for words.

We are all the publican.  We are all the pharisee.  We will all admit sin.. We will all confess sometime, "thank God, I am not like that sinner over there."  We are all the publican.  We are all the pharisee.

It is not a crisis of faith nor is it lack of understanding.  I'm very grateful for classes that I took early on in my faith walk in regards to separating out the man from the giftings of God.  I have seen over the decades how people get those things confused.  Putting men/women on pedestals that only God should ever sit on and that no man or woman could ever maintain, never ends well for anyone.  I have seen celebrity and notions of celebrity only grow in the western church as the name of men and women get lifted up more than the name of Christ. Results are often disastrous somewhere within the tale.

It isn't just the man or woman.. the masses are there too. Of course when things happen as they will the masses rarely claim their part.  The masses are fickle. If the trajectory is an upward one many will ride on those coat tails and yet at the first signs of loss of favor or personal injustice they disperse and run in the opposite direction..

Jesus was hailed one week and crucified the next.

I write this tonight because it matters... it matters to me because as one in ministry with the understanding that   there would be any that would look towards me for spiritual guidance, it has to matter.  I think these issues must be looked at and addressed.  For the sake of the leaders.. for the sake of those they lead..

 I lay these issues open and with a cry and a prayer speak to my Father, who hears before I speak and answers before I call.

I love the faith of this one young person I know and love.. .. it is raw and real and his....  some aspects of his beliefs are definitely formed out of a reaction to religion and hypocrisy.  I respect him. I respect where he comes from.  We can disagree on somethings and I know we are both in process.

Sitting across from him recently I had both what will end up being a life time favorite conversation as well as a conversation I wish I could forget.  How can it be both?  It was long.  It was beautiful and then it wasn't and then it was again.

He asked me out right about somethings he was wondering about... His request was simple, "tell me he didn't do what ministers do..."  I looked at this young man and I looked and I looked.  I heard his heart express how much an individual meant to him, how much he had learned, how moved he had been to listen to the sermons.  A young man who won't just listen to just anyone had had his faith kept intact through the years partially because of another.

Then came the statement... the request ... "tell me he didn't do what ministers do.."

"What do ministers do?" Was my safe response.

"Sleep with the secretary or steal money."

I was relieved... "No, he didn't sleep with his secretary or steal money."  I was relieved and grieved... Grieved that this young man would equate the title, "minister," with such things...

Top on his list wasn't .. feeding the poor, healing the sick, loving the outcast....

We then spoke on grace.. not cheap grace BUT grace... we then spoke about Jesus and the reality of our need and we kept speaking on a variety of topics...  I listened and I listened and I listened... I know this young man will be ok.. I know he will be more than ok...  I know that he is in the palm of his Father's hand and that nothing will pluck him from that place... It is with that knowledge that Pharisee and Publican can rest assured...

I am pharisee.. I am publican.. I am His daughter... Standing in the palm of His hand.. resting in the fact that I can't get plucked out from that place.. I am need of grace... I am in need of mercy...  I am in need of wisdom.. I am in need...

SO

Tonight I fall to my knees.  Tonight I bow my head low. Tonight I gasp for air.  Tonight I plead for grace.  Tonight I long for mercy.  Tonight I look up to the Heavens.  Tonight I let the tears fall.

No weapon formed.................

No Weapon Formed Against Me Will Prosper.... Part 1

Transparency used to come to me with greater ease then it does these days. The desire and hunger to create pathways of vulnerability and places of safety course throughout all that I am. I completely buy into the reality that the things we are not talking about, those things we lock safely deep within us and compartmentalize , contain toxins and their poison seeps into our very beings and alters who it is that we are most intrinsically.

The cost of transparency has gotten daunting though. I hear the whispers of worldly wisdom shouting in my ear to play it safe. The taunting of what will people think or what will I lose if I speak or share what is really in my heart.

But in these days I try to remember that actually the cost of morphing myself in the past was actually much larger. The lack of transparency was almost my undoing. Because the truth is I have lost equally as much at times from sharing and then not sharing.

If loss no matter what is part of the equation then the fullest answer must be that some how I find the path that keeps me, me.... That regardless the cost I walk my life out as I would walk it out and do that the best I can. Transparency and vulnerability were terrains I was called to walk upon way before they became the culturally popular currency.

This morning I awoke from a very dark dream.

As I lay there adjusting to the fact that the dreams were dreams and I was now awake, I heard the Lord speak... “No weapon formed against you will prosper.” And then He said, “Your weapons are not of this world.”

A list of words and situations and “weapons,” began to play across my mind.

On one side were weapons of this world loneliness, fear, weaknesses, greed and on the other side weapons of courage, strength, and humility.

“No weapon formed against you will prosper...”

It was a loud command into my soul. My Father was speaking with His authority into the depths of my heart... A tenderness coupled with heavenly power saturated my soul as He repeated His words, “No weapon formed against you will prosper.”

I could tell He wanted me to view these things as weapons being formed against me, trying to inflict enough wounding so that I would sit down, shut up, and not live.... Loneliness, rejection, fear, lack …. The choice was to believe that no weapon formed against me would prosper and that my weapons to combat them would not be of the ways of this world. The ways of the world would not offer me the solution bu that He would...

He then past before me and I saw the weapons our enemy uses and they were awful and striking and wicked... greed, fear, manipulation, loneliness, comparison, weakness, sickness, selfishness, ambition and then I saw before me light triumphing over the darkness and the power of humility, love, kindness and compassion.. The prayers of forgiveness and repentance.

In these coming days I will begin to write a series about these weapons and the tactics of the enemy and the strategies of Heaven.

Simple and yet profound are the ways of Heaven. The power of light, love, kindness and courage is immense, amazing and beautiful.

Isaiah 54:17

"No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every  accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me," declaresthe LORD.

Today I choose God.. God doesn't need to be manufactured ..

Christ gave the mandate so very long ago.

Live today.

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

I care about the birds of the air and the flowers of the field, ie... I care for you.

What I have found is that I can do it no other way. Oh, I can most certainly try... but any other step beyond leaning has me falter.

Lessons learned or choices made....

If I am going to believe in God, if I am going to live my life as though He exists, if I am going to have a biblical world view then I am going to believe in God, and believe He exists and have a world view that comes into alignment with what He says.

What does that mean for me?

I need to choose God. I choose God and will believe He is who He says He is and that He doesn't need me to make things up nor does He need me manipulating His people nor does He need me manufacturing experiences for His people.

For me it means I need the courage to wait upon Him. Not lazy inactivity BUT trust....

So this week has had an expose come out about manufactured experiences in churches; in the specific case this one news broadcast refers to baptisms. As I read about the issues and events my heart grieved. Not just for the reasons one might think. While this one church does indeed perfect what I would call manipulation, it got me thinking about the term that came to my mind, “manufactured experiences.”

So a staged event where “plants” have their instructions and music swells and emotions are played upon; ie, the stage is set, sounds no different to me then 450 prophets of baal being whipped into a frenzy hoping that some deity might just show up.

Except as I read through some peoples comments and concerns another thought hit me...

“Manufactured experiences.”

While this one church is doing all it can to enhance its numbers and show how many “converts” have gotten baptized... Maybe to convince its stock holders that it is still a worthy investment... Whatever.. Where else are services and lives being corralled

My husband has been talking about this idea of 1/5^th. His thoughts are that we need to leave 1/5^th of each portion of our services open to that which God would want to do... A place for God to be God...

God is the same God that implored His people to rest and trust and believe that if they would let Him be their king that He indeed would be their God and they would be His people... For me the saddest thing of all the contrived manipulations is the lack of trusting God that He will show up on behalf of His people...

We can't control that or make it happen on our time frame but if we believe He is who He says He is then are we willing to wait upon Him... The horses and chariots of the world look so strong, so polished, so capable.... but those that belonged to Egypt were drowned by the waters that came back crashing in after the Children of God walked safely away from slavery.

So I earnestly don't know what exactly it looks like or will look like but today, these moments, it is my heart to attempt to lean upon the Lord and not my own understanding believing that as I do He will direct my path and He will speak tenderly to me.

He wasn't impressed with His power .. So what was He impressed with....

I was living in and around a large ministry in those days.

But I'll never forget this conversation.....

It isn't the conferences, it certainly isn't the buildings, it isn't the books that can be sold, it isn't the hype or showmanship.....

It can't be about any of those things...

It has been my hope that that conversation will form out my life.  Sometimes it does more than at other times but I am always brought back to it....

"Mims," He said. "Mims, I am never impressed with my power.  I never wonder if I will be able to do what it is that I desire. My power does not impress me."  I stood there as the child I was.. listening... taking it all in...

"Do you want to know what impresses me?"

My answer was a simple, "yes."

"When my people choose to love one another." And He went on and on about what moves His heart....

I honestly don't know much about many things, especially these days...  But I do know this.. It must always come down to love... All else passes away... All else will fail...  All else will cease .. Except love...

I once saw a blue cube floating in the spirit and I knew the Lord was saying that is the substance of faith.. that faith IS actually a substance.... If faith is a substance then I know that love is a powerful force...  We underestimate its currency because it isn't sexy, not in its most potent form...

Love is so powerful and we misjudge its capacity ... maybe it is because it takes time, maybe it is because most of the time it isn't flashy...  There could be a lot of "maybes" but when it comes down to it... it takes time.... it takes thought...  it takes sacrifice...

What moves the heart of God?

When is a blessing commanded straight from Heaven?

When His people choose to love, choose unity above selfish ambition....  live lives full of His passion and compassion... The world has been so taken by simple and random acts of kindness...  It is the kindness of God that leads people forward and closer to Him and His ways...

Kindness is a force to be reckoned with and love is its power...

I'll tell you this...  What the Lord is awakening, that which is being spoken forth from Heaven.. you want the truest prophetic word for the hour or the day or the whatever... It is this... Love and kindness are what is being released from Heaven.. It is what Heaven has always released...  It is what our Father does very well...  It is what is very much needed today.  Love and kindness....  Its tenacity knows no end and its capacity to alter and change lives, towns, cities, states, countries and the world is more powerful than all the proverbial horses and chariots that exist..

It does not need to be marketed.. It needs to be lived
It does not need hype.. It needs feet

Simple...
Plain..
But powerful....