His hand felt so perfect.....

His hand felt so perfect...  step after step .. walking side by side... well.. somewhat walking somewhat just completely leaning into His side...  I looked up towards Him and smiled ... like John who had gone so very far before me.. I looked at Him and I thought .. "You love me..."  "I am one who is so very dearly loved..."  Focusing upon His features... focusing upon Him .. strength was being added to my person....

But nothing felt more right than holding His hand within mine.. or having my hand being held by His....  side by side we walked ...  He was leading me to a hill... a very tall hill... and what it overlooked I could not say....

Feeling strength course through my being...  closing my eyes and just soaking it in... It had been the harshest of seasons and my soul felt raked across coals.....  relishing in the flow of His strength and life force that was coursing through all that made me ... but holding His hand I was sure I would not be able to muster another step....

Palpable kindness.. generosity of Spirit....

And still He led me....

Before I knew it we are at the top....  Having so focused upon Him I had lost track of where we were and no longer had we been climbing the hill I thought we were ... We were seated in another place altogether....  the hill overlooked the landscapes of earth... It was as if simultaneously we were both in home and creation....  

It all looked different from here.. smaller...  ...  He turned and looked at me..

"I overcame it all..."

"I overcame it all.. so you could walk and overcome.... death and darkness have lost their sting... "

He went on and on...  The most magnificent of older brothers....  In those moments while He was still Lord.. While He was always Savior, Redeemer... Creator.. King of Kings and Alpha and Omega... He was my Brother.....  and as a girl in need...  He met me exactly where it was that I needed for Him to....

The words flowed through me and into me and around me and saturated me... but more than the words it was the realization of His time.....  It was as if all time stood still and it was the gift of His time that was strengthening my inner most being.....  There was no rush.. there was no push for me to understand or grasp all that He was saying.. He spoke and spoke and spoke and yet I just sat there looking at Him...  Allowing the instruction and words of life to settle upon my person....

He instructs those He loves.....  I had so desperately needed His instruction... I had so desperately needed Him and here we were...  Here I was sitting on this hill in heavenly places looking at creation with different eyes...  My soul being restored bit by bit... Being gently led to the stillest of places so that He could speak ever so tenderly to me.....

His tenderness and His affections  go unmatched... His love is beyond description... His compassion is full....

The first born of creation...  sitting with an object of His greatest affection.. I am indeed the one He loves...

Multiple lessons learned.........

There are words in today's society that are thrown here and there and sound oh so good ... we have learned these catch phrases and brought them into our sermons and in our times of sharing with friends....

Community... Transparency... Authentic... Vulnerable...  

And the list goes on and on.....

More times than naught I am brought to a place where I am being asked by  the God I love and walk with to go beyond what I think the limitations of those words are....  Because those words aren't just catch phrases for me....  I live and breath them.. I see the life of Jesus in them in a fullness that I have yet to walk in.... and yet so desire to do...

To walk open to Him spiritually and physically at all times.. and to then allow that to flow towards His people... not discounting myself for the benefit of others or stepping out on a limb for the sake of it....  but understanding that if He desires something from me it isn't just so that He can use me but that He, knowing all things, knows that not just others will benefit from that which I have to share but that I will as well.... He moves so ultimately and beautifully through this life and His most treasured requests of us .. oh how can I ever not step where He bids.. knowing full well the blessing of flowing with His requests do far more for my being than I can ever comprehend....

Many places stir within my heart... scriptures and experiences....   scriptures that talk about Jesus and that Philip and those like him having seen Jesus saw the Father.... what an amazing truth... I desire to live my life in all facets so that that statement can be said of me... not obtaining that in the flesh so that I have something to boast... but leaning into the spirit of it and allowing His nature and His character.. His thoughts.. His opinions.. to be so birthed within me that in all I do when one looks at my life they see my Father....

Another place where Jesus spoke of the ruler of this world but stated that he had nothing in Him....  Oh what an amazing thought... jealousy tries to push into my life and it bounces off of me... loneliness and fears try to push into my heart and I am so plugged into the reality of Jesus that nothing can land upon my being...  Understanding that the ruler of this world will come but when he comes there is that place so fully hidden in Father that when the ruler of this world comes he finds no landing place upon my person ....

Another place where the amazement of the people over the life of Jesus and the authority that rested upon Him... they were amazed because He, unlike the scribes, taught as one who had authority...

His faith not rendered ill effective because of the traditions of men or what they thought or didn't think of Him.. Knowing where He came from and knowing where He was going He stood confident in the authority of being God's Son....

Not too long ago I stood before a group of people and while I love speaking and find that place in front of a podium or stand as comfortable as sitting on the sofa in pajamas.. I was undone by a season in life that found me a little bit shaken here and there... not even sure I was going to share .. I spoke to our Father all day concerning what was upon my heart... and while understanding His great love for me I could see what He was asking from me and I desired to stand naked and unashamed before Him and others.... and yet in those moments felt so undone.. and so fragile and so weakened by the reality of life... (less than 3 weeks of living had had me having two surgeries, a miscarriage, fighting infection, recovering from a summer that included 3 moves, and beyond multiple trips to colleges up and down the east coast... and the list goes on and on)  that I really wasn't fully convinced I wanted to stand up there and speak.... and yet... Him speaking and seeing the eyes of the people.... and multiple lessons learned...

I see the eyes of people... He opens up pictures and I see them ... and while I have choices ... I am not a slave to ministry or its calling.. I am a daughter of my Father and I see what it is He desires more and more and desire myself to walk in that way.....  He longed to gather people into His arms.. He places it upon those that have walked ahead of others to not think anything of themselves but in their maturity to birth by His grace into His people a place where all are raised up in fullness... not one being beyond another but all coming up under the headship of Christ....  oh how I hunger for the reality of this... that the body be strengthened .. that we walk as Jesus not considering ourselves but full of love and passion for Father we walk in an integrity as citizens of Heaven not creatures of this world.....  but a fuller realization of the calling and reality of the Kingdom of God upon our lives.... To live in the world but to be so other... 

I have learned that while I value transparency and vulnerability I desire to mitigate the hows and wheres and the degrees......  I don't mind being transparent and vulnerable if it is flowing forth from a place of preparation.. and strength and knowing what and why I am sharing... but to stand in a place and be vulnerable to the core of my being... to be willing to stand in a place and not mitigate the flow of vulnerability but to be transparent that is the lesson.. and as I watch Him move more and more upon the landscapes of my life ... I realize that man was never created for fig leaves... and the more and more I walk as naked and unashamed as I can .. the more I realize the powerful gifts Jesus gave when He walked upon the face of the earth and long and hunger to do just the same......

I long and hunger to do just the same......