Good little Christian... My rant for the day..

I sit on my butt and stare out my picture window... my laptop cradled against my knees as my fingers begin the journey of finding the keys that will form the words that are on my heart... My heart hurts and my head is full...  My thoughts collapse one upon the other as do pictures of other times and other places and years gone by and too much experience and too many relationships and knowing too much and not knowing enough....

I sit on my butt with my legs crossed and listen to the rain pouring down upon the roof and watch as the leaves sprinkle down as they will in the Fall...  And I pause.. And I pray for courage because on days like today and posts like today... I need courage...

These days  words feel more like a pile of jumbled letters not at all coherent ... But I think it is because I want to back off of the coherent... But I will find the way to pick through the pile and I will find the ones I want...

I stared at the picture of all those letters and I stared and I stared at them over and over...

Which ones will I pick up?  Which ones will I put together?  Which ones go together? What are the words I really want to say?

And when I have found them will I be able to put them together.....

I'm not going to be culturally relevant and I am going to battle my way through this.. I am not going to be coherent... But I am going to say what I believe needs to be said... 

You see I have found my letters... there are five of them... And there is actually even a cutesy kid song that spells them out for you... J...  E..... S..... U..... S

Not emerging church...  it's been emerging for over 2000 years

Not" I feel left out as a girl because when you call the Lord Father it feels too masculine".. get over it.... 

I love poetry.. I love words.. I love expression... 

I love Jesus more

I have been mentally ill, I have fought depression.... There are days I live that feel more like those days and there are days they feel a far off memory.. I get emotions.. .Just ask my husband.

I know Jesus would go to  the fringes of our society and pull forward the widow and the orphan and the ones left behind...

I know this today those fringes are just as religious in moments as the establishment they curse...

I have lived through the third wave, and genX and this and that.. I have seen worship from denominations and those that wouldn't call themselves denominations for years.... I and you will live through more and more and more of these

ONE THING REMAINS

It pissed me off the other day when I was listening to a christian female speaker talk about how God being refereed to as male made her feel left out....  I am a Christian female speaker and to know God is to know God... I am confident of my voice, I am confident in my Father's kingdom of my voice as daughter... I am confident that in who He is He is Spirit and I am known and I am not ever left out...

I have thought about things I have read recently and things I have listened to and again I will say this JESUS...

I am confident of this...  I stand convinced...  

It won't be in following some culturally current trend in the church be it mega or not that will propel you into finding rest for your soul....  

There is rest for your soul....

I'm not going to be a good little Christian... I can't perform my way through the traditional sense of the words of church and sign up for this and that and do this and that and the other things any more.. But I can't perform my way through the emerging churches trends either....  I believe in grace and forgiveness but sin is sin and while there is forgiveness more than we could fully understand, grace becomes cheapened if we don't understand the cost...

Christ and Father are the place where I go when I need comfort and Holy Spirit is my comforter and counselor... BUT Father is also where I go when I need to hear the "go and sin no more."  I receive His discipline because He is an immense and loving Father and I will live .. REALLY LIVE.. when I follow His ways.. I will thrive.. REALLY thrive when I follow the beat of His heart.

I am simplifying...  I am on pause... I am on quiet... I am cleaning my house and purging my soul... I am sitting long hours in solitude and silence... 

Those who know their God will display strength and take action... To know Him is to know Him as He is .. Not as we or our culture would make Him out to be... But and so we must know Him as He is .... Know His heart and His affections for us.. Know His mercy, His grace, His truth, His righteousness, His justice, His holiness, His beauty, His and Him!  We must know Him and know that we know Him so that when something is being said even in His name our hearts can either arise and  stand under His banner or call forth NO.. that is NOT the Lord, God... Father.. Abba .. My God and My Lord and The Savior.  

I just leave this post with this.. Know God... Discern... Practice discernment..

Concerning him we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. 

But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

Hebrews 5:11-14

Let the games begin.. or maybe I should call it the sharks in the water...sadly the blood is that of the body of Christ...

I can just hear it.. It's Sunday morning....  Racers take your mark.. Are our back stage show hands ready with their production clip boards?  The pomp and circumstance.. the lights, the smoke.. the music.. ACTION... Let the games begin.. Let the smiles be worn .. Let the hearts be dressed up all pretty...  It is the opening of a Sunday in Christendom and racers are you ready?

The first sentence HAS to be I am  guilty and excavation of the pole is in process (I hope)....  so all anyone else needs to think about is the speck of dust ... so consider this a letter to myself....  and you just get to read a page in my diary...

(Coming back to read this after it is done I need to apologize for the sarcasm within the title.. apologize but not change... maybe I shouldn't apoligize then.. but I'm in process and there are places where my heart is angry.. and places my heart is grieving and places where I don't know but grace how to continue to love and continue to walk and continue to hope against hope....  So grateful for that grace...)

In my journey with the Lord I reminisce upon the days when I just knew Him.. before the days my feet stepped into "ministry," before my ears and eyes and heart knew "politics."  I think about the days when what I knew was Him.  Those are the days I look back to as to be empowered to move forward.

 
One man who I knew many years ago and  has walked a long time in "ministry," is writing these series of articles on how he has survived the decades of service to the Body, including what have been the practices that have kept him in it for the long haul.  The points he brings up are important ones... the ones I land back on time and time again are the ones about relationships.

As I began to write this the presence of the Lord filled out the room and my awareness of Jesus became very heightened....  I began to feel as if He wanted  me to write a letter and while it is intimate and very personal... (I did say in the beginning you would be reading a page in my diary) I share it with you...

My letter to Him...

I read recently that Manning called you the "Abba of Jesus," and I loved it.. I loved it instantly.  There was something so right about that phrase and it caught my heart and captivated my attentions.  You are the "Abba of Jesus,"  you then, are also, the "Abba of Mims."  And again my heart explodes deeply within the reality of those words.

I crawl into you this morning.  I crawl into the hiding place.  I crawl into you and away ... away from the expressions of you upon the earth amidst my brothers and sisters... ( For a moment, only for a moment.. I know I will back for you call us not to escape but to remain.).  Father.... Abba.. my heart is grieving...  And my feet need to transverse the great and yet nothing space that separates us...  You are upon your throne and I am earth bound and yet we meet time and time and time again... This is one of those times.... This is one of those times that need only You..  This is one of those moments where only you can satisfy.

My eyes see both ugly and beauty... the ugly stabs at  my heart.  The beauty brings healing into my eyes.  I am called to Your body, Your son's bride, I am a part and can't say that I don't need any other part... I will  by Your grace not speak ill about her.. But, oh Father.. the greed, the juxtapositioning for places of importance, the timeless regard for those who would be deemed not as important.. certainly no greater places of honor for them... The placement of relationship only for what can be gained or for what others can see... The right hand knowing what the left hand is doing...  The seeking out of the best seats in the sanctuary... The selfish ambition... That is the ugly...

I need more of the beauty... I need more of the highways and byways.. I need more of the raw need of you ... I need less of the pharisee that is within me, I need more of the confession of the publican within and without and less and less of the Pharisee...

I am grieved for I am the worst offender.. in this world of "ministry," where your heart beat gets lost in the noise of the clanging gongs and the turning of cogs.. where the money of the people is more sought after then their hearts and their growth...  Those places where spectacular displays of light and color and noise drown out the essential beauty of the essence of You.  I don't know how to walk in the midst of the temple with such money changers...  I lack wisdom.. I lack compassion... In these places where beauty fades and ugly soars.. I lack and I know not how to walk.. what tables are you over turning in me?  What is it all suppose to look like anyway? Empower my eyes to see beyond the pig slop and see me underneath it all and see Yours underneath it all....


I am not lost in the depths of this.. I want to be lost in the depths of You, I am not hopeless in the midst of this.. for I hope against hope in the depths of you.... I am exhausted but upon the rising and riding of your wings I will be brought forward... I am a revelatory expression of Your Kingdom in need of a display of Your heart beat upon which I can anchor into and pulsate within.  You... Your beauty... Your transformative power... You are what is needed ... To you and in You and with You I remain...
My greatest need is of You...

I entitled this, "Let the games begin.."  I referred to "sharks in the water... " and the "blood of the Body,"  but more than anything I need the redemptive qualities of Your blood and the water that came forth from Your side...  Pour over me Lord.. Pour over me....  This is so not a game...

Yours,
M




One of His responses................

See with the eyes  I have given you.  It does not take them to see what you see naturally.
Fight with the courage I have given you.  You can not do it in your own strength.
Stand in the places I have empowered you to.  You know not to build towers.

I come from Laughter... October 26

It is actually my birthday today.. Today I celebrate my life... I think upon

How the Lord knew me before the foundations of the earth were laid...
How He knit me together
How He wonderfully and fearfully made me
How He thinks upon me more thoughts than I could ever imagine
How He has numbered the hairs upon my head
How He has set a path before me of lovingkindness
How He pursues me with lovingkindness


Today I celebrate

Today I discover

Today I stand in wonderment of all that the Lord calls forth as very good...

I do so today... I will do so tomorrow...


I have set my heart and mind and being upon Him.. I have come to embrace that He is who He is and what He has to say about me is true... It is a revolution of discovery...

Today... Today.. step up.. step in... Revolt against all that would say anything contrary...  and Discover the beauty and majesty of what He displays forth in your life....


Today...  Journal prompt...

God speaks to the Soul

And God said to the soul:
I desired you before the world began.
I desire you now
As you desire me.
And where the desires of two come together
There love is perfected

HOW THE SOUL SPEAKS TO THE SOUL

Lord, you are my lover,
My longing,
My flowing stream,
My sun,
And I am your reflection.

HOW GOD ANSWERS THE SOUL

It is my nature that makes me love you often,
For I am love itself.
It is my longin that makes me love you intensely,
For I yearn to be loved from the heart.
It is my eternity that makes me love you long,
For I have no end.

- Mechthild of Magdeburg

You are desired....  Spend time on those three words ... let the reality of those three words penetrate and permeate your soul.

Discover.................

I had no problem turning 40 two years ago... I was excited about it!  I was ready....  It felt like my whole life had prepared me to turn 40.  I was glad to be starting the new decade of my life.  Turning 41 wasn't as great... It has been a year that cascaded over many years of sickness, death, loss, change, turbulence....  But, approaching 42 I was full of wonderment.

While still walking through hard seasons there was something that felt like it was coming forward. Nothing about circumstances was shifting but I was.. I was shifting.. I was finding my feet upon the waves.. Upon the rocky times I was arising quicker, not being taken off course as long... Circumstances and situations still came and came and came but as they did and as they do I was stirring towards the realization that they don't get to dictate nor determine the wellness of my soul nor should they... My reality has been dictated and determined... Delight is that which I put my feet upon and what fills me.. It is the joy of the Lord that strengthens me... It is in connecting in Him and with Him and His body that serves to bring the realities of Heaven coursing into my daily life... 

While it isn't the huge ah ha moments that really fill in life and the days and times we live, I did wake up to an ah ha moment...  Pictures of the man at the pool of Bethesda filled out my mind...

John 5:1-15

New King James Version (NKJV)


After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”

The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”

Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.

So many of the things I have been processing through and lifting up to prayer and beginning to step in made sense... 

There are  many people just hanging out at the pool.. So many people "hoping" that they are the ones or the one to be put into the waters when they are stirred...  So many people just "waiting" for the moving of the water....  So many people waiting and hoping for the waters to be stirred.  So many people with the testimony, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool..."  

I've been hanging out at the pool, stuck.... but stuck no longer....

So maybe I wasn't saying that there was no one to put me in the pool but maybe I WAS saying...Sir.. these circumstances and situations aren't what I need them to be...

 These thoughts and the realities  of them have been circulating within my heart...  people wanting a place, people wanting a person to put them there.... Then comes the question.. The timeless question, "Do you want to be made well?"

Do I want to be made well? And what does that fully mean?

All would think the answer would be an inequitably YES!  EXCEPT .. it isn't a "yes,"  it is a response that puts the need and effort of another as what is needed...  

Then Jesus speaks.. He speaks the words, ARISE.... ARISE... ARISE AND WALK....

Yes.. We need each other, Yes.. We need each other and we also need to arise and walk....

So many people hanging out at the pools of water.. hoping that the waters get stirred... While I wonder about the command to go.. go into the highways and byways.. GO AND LIVE... Go and Arise.... The waters are stirred... Arise and walk...  The circumstances.. The situations.. the reality around the pool doesn't get to dictate nor does it get to determine the wellness of my soul....

Last Sunday I wouldn't have gotten "Mom of the day award."  I wouldn't have.. There was an abundance of attitude in the car as we headed towards church.. Yup!  I wasn't off our street and I put my foot on the brake in a way that wasn't completely safe and brought the car to an abrupt and complete stand still.

And I began to speak... I began to say that life does suck at times, and most of the time we can not control that which crosses our paths... we can not control if sickness, trials or death cross our path, we can not control whether we face disappointment, sorrow and confusion..  We can not control what comes our way... BUT we can control our response.. We CAN control how we will respond when whatever crosses our path crosses our path... We CAN lean all the harder into Him, who we call Lord.. We can sit and grieve and mourn and we can let His comfort flow, we can arise and walk... WE CAN ARISE AND WALK.....

What I saw in my kids, let me be honest.. What I have seen in myself is that circumstances and situations have whooped my butt at times... And last Sunday their opportunity was to see how are they going to respond. How am I?

As a Co-Director of a small ministry, Stir The Water.. I have been praying for quite some time for vision and clarity...  What do people need?  I mean.. what do people really need?  

What do I need...

Daily... Daily I need to be reminded that I am beloved... That I can arise, that I can arise and walk.. That the waters of my life have been stirred... that they are being stirred.. That now, right now, right now in this very moment... regardless of circumstances.. regardless of situations.. I have one who is thoroughly making intercession for me, that cares for me, that thinks upon me, that is ravished over one look of my eye towards Him, that I matter... 

To discover you matter.. daily.. you matter...

Discover that You Matter.. that you are needed, wanted... Daily discover and stand in wonder that you are a creature who is loved and delighted in...

Let the waters of your life be stirred by the Holy One daily and daily arise and stand and walk.. as one who is discovering the wonderment of what it means to be delighted in... Celebrate your life.. Celebrate you... Discover and Celebrate and KNOW.. KNOW .. That you matter... That it matters that you walk the face of the Earth.. It matters that you walk.. It matters that you dream.. It matters...

Discover that you matter and then go and walk and call forth to the highways and byways and the people you meet there that they matter.. Daily... Daily 

Hebrews 3:13  But encourage one another day after day

Day after day we will jump into Discover.. We will discover dreams, we will discover vision and visions, we will discover Him and we will be discovered....  We will discover the joy that exists within each one of us as we each display the wonder and awe of reflecting His image.... It is a time to discover.. 

It is a time to be stirred up into all that you are...

It is a time to stir the water and arise and walk...

Stir The Water.............. Discover!

Discovering that there comes a day when the waters are stirred and healing arrives......... This is the day to arise and walk and to dream, to envision, to discover!

It isn't about sexy language................. The story of four men and a mother

Today I have thought about four men.

Today I have thought about four men and one mother.

No not my four sons....

Not me...

Here are two men and the mother... Matthew 20:20-22

Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came to Jesus with her sons, bowing down and making a request of Him.And He said to her, "What do you wish?" She said to Him, "Command that in Your kingdom these two sons of mine may sit one on Your right and one on Your left." But Jesus answered, "You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink?" They said to Him, "We are able."

Here are two other men....

Luke 23:39-43

One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” But the other rebuked him, saying, “Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.” And he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

So much conversation about position, place.. title... entitlement... what can one who serves the Kingdom own, what can one who serves the kingdom do... Who gets to stand on Jesus' left and right?  That is always the question.. Who gets to stand on the right and left?  Who gets what?  Those are the questions when the ways of the world fill the heart, the mind.. the person.

Jesus having equality with God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but laid His life down as a servant...  

I have more pharisee in me at times than I do publican, than I do Holy Spirit...  appearance of righteousness and yet darkness living within my heart... There are seats that are always going to look more desirable.. There are paths that look great but only lead to destruction. 

Here is the most excellent of ways.. Love...

The mother if she knew what she would be asking would she have wanted her sons on Jesus' left and right....  Certainly not on the day that He died for our right to enter the kingdom...

There are no sexy words .. no phrases that hold the depths of truths of our Father's heart..

Tonight there are more questions, than answers... tonight there is more silence than words...

Tonight there is a lot of thinking of one mother's request and four men...

There is a set Kingdom... Not open for discussion nor interpretation.. It's most excellent way is love.. This world and all that is within it is passing away but Him, He and His kingdom will reign forever and ever...

Tonight I fall back towards the faith of a child and I look upward and I proclaim.. God is good.. God is faithful... And God is love....

I come from Laughter... October 21

During our Going Live session through Stir The Water.. We did this exercise together...

Write down:  Psalm 63:8  My soul clings to You..

Practice Lectio Divina using that phrase and scripture... (See article below)

Realize where you do cling to Him.. Realize where you don't...  Journal.

Psalm 139
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.

Does your soul know it well? Where does it? Where doesn't it? Journal

“Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder.”

 ~E.B. White

What I shared in our morning time together was about finding that place of wonder and the truth of wonderfully made in you.. I shared how I created a moment of wonder simply on the way to the bus stop this morning when walking with our 4 and 7 year olds I knelt down and looked them in the eyes and blew out breath into the cold morning air so that "smoke" would emerge.  Did I feel like making an extra special moment for them?  NO.. I was cold, and tired and had a lot on my mind. BUT in capturing that moment I created a moment of wonder for them and then in so doing created a moment of wonderment for me in the enjoyment and the laughter...

We will be posting the session for this morning soon....  There is an opportunity to grow into understanding of how wonderfully and fearfully you are made and how in each season of life whatever the circumstances or situations are that we find ourselves within .. We can cling to Him and He will uphold us... Learning to find that in the moment to moment aspect of our lives are so fundamentally important...

Be blessed upon your journey ...  Look for the posting from today's Going Live Session... (October 21, 2013

..................................................................................................................

Lectio divina is a slow, contemplative praying of the Scriptures. Time set aside in a special way for lectio divina enables us to discover in our daily life an underlying spiritual rhythm. Within this rhythm, we discover an increasing ability to offer more of ourselves and our relationships to the Father, and to accept the embrace that God is continuously extending to us in the person of his son, Jesus Christ.

Very often our concerns, our relationships, our hopes and aspirations, naturally intertwine with our meditations on the Scriptures. We can attend "with the ear of our hearts" to our own memories, listening for God's presence in the events of our lives. We experience Christ reaching out to us through our own memories. Our own personal story becomes salvation history.

How to Practice Lectio Divina 

Choose a text of the Scriptures that you wish to pray. Many Christians use in their daily lectio divina one of the readings from the eucharistic liturgy for the day (find the readings here); others prefer to slowly work through a particular book of the Bible. It makes no difference which text is chosen, as long as one has no set goal of "covering" a certain amount of text. The amount of text covered is in God's hands, not yours.

Place yourself in a comfortable position and allow yourself to become silent. Some Christians focus for a few moments on their breathing; others have a beloved "prayer word" or "prayer phrase" they gently recite.. For some, the practice known as "centering prayer" makes a good, brief introduction to lectio divina. Use whatever method is best for you and allow yourself to enjoy silence for a few moments.

Turn to the text and read it slowly, gently. Savor each portion of the reading, constantly listening for the "still, small voice" of a word or phrase that somehow says, "I am for you today." Do not expect lightning or ecstasies. In lectio divina, God is teaching us to listen to him, to seek him in silence. He does not reach out and grab us; rather, he gently invites us ever more deeply into his presence.

Take the word or phrase into yourself. Memorize it and slowly repeat it to yourself, allowing it to interact with your inner world of concerns, memories, and ideas. Do not be afraid of distractions. Memories or thoughts are simply parts of yourself that, when they rise up during lectio divina, are asking to be given to God along with the rest of your inner self. Allow this inner pondering, this rumination, to invite you into dialogue with God.

Speak to God. Whether you use words, ideas, or images--or all three--is not important. Interact with God as you would with one who you know loves and accepts you. And give to him what you have discovered during your experience of meditation. Experience God by using the word or phrase he has given you as a means of blessing and of transforming the ideas and memories that your reflection on his word has awakened. Give to God what you have found within your heart.

Rest in God's embrace. And when he invites you to return to your contemplation of his word or to your inner dialogue with him, do so. Learn to use words when words are helpful, and to let go of words when they no longer are necessary. Rejoice in the knowledge that God is with you in both words and silence, in spiritual activity and inner receptivity.

Sometimes in lectio divina, you may return several times to the printed text, either to savor the literary context of the word or phrase that God has given or to seek a new word or phrase to ponder. At other times, only a single word or phrase will fill the whole time set aside for lectio divina. It is not necessary to assess anxiously the quality of your lectio divina, as if you were "performing" or seeking some goal. Lectio divina has no goal other than that of being in the presence of God by praying the Scriptures.               This article written by:  Father Luke Dysinger

Ezekiel and the dancing of light and color and life.................

Laying upon my bed I saw pictures of circular stain glass windows... I felt the invitation to behold the beauty of light and color melding and colliding and creating a visual symphony.  Worship music played .. The words proclaiming the promises that He brings restoration for my soul filled out the air... I began to wish that I had a stain glass that I could run my fingers upon... that I could look through and hold.

Light...  Light dancing with color.. dancing with the warmth of the sun ... color, light, warmth...........

Appreciating beauty...

Appreciating simple pleasures...

I turned to Ezekiel's visions of dry bones.. and read further along in the chapter... Verse 14 of Chapter 37; "I will put My Spirit within you and you will come to life, and I will place you on your own land.  Then you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken and done it," declares the Lord."

He puts  His spirit within me.. To bring me to life...  to place me in my own land.. to empower and equip me to know that He has spoken it and He has done it....  That He has declared it...  He speaks and He does.. I need that... I need to just sit and behold the dance of light and color.. I need to just feel the warmth of light and the heat of it upon my person...  I need to know that He speaks and He does and He declares....

I can rest in Him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LcyQOLVS_U


Worship Him ... Worship and adore Him...

He takes our pain

He calls us by a new name

He takes our shame

In its place He give us joy...

Light beams... Color.. Dazzling displays of a passionate love that knows no boundaries and goes on and on forever more... Gentle caresses of kindness and joy from a King that rules and reigns over all things... Over me...

I come from Laughter.... October 20

Now when Daniel knew that the document was signed, he entered his house (now in his roof chamber he had windows open toward Jerusalem); and he continued kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and giving thanks before his God, as he had been doing previously.
Daniel 6:10

When I awake, I am still with you............... Psalm 139:18

Psalm 55:17 At evening, at dawn and at noon I shall meditate and speak and make my voice heard.

Psalm 91:1

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty

He grants sleep to those He loves..... Psalm 127:2

I come from laughter... October 19

As part of the Stir The Water community, we are embarking upon lessons and times for the individual to discover and reconnect with God through creativity, meditation, and writing/ journaling prompts.

Before jumping into this time we encourage you to pause, take what I've been calling a "selah" moment.  Pause...  breath...  It is time to reflect and feel where you enter this moment from.  Be aware of yourself in this moment.  From where do you enter into this time... be kind to yourself and allow your body to settle into this moment... there is no forcing yourself into this space or time...


Prayer
Holy Spirit gently woo us into your presence. Empower us to set our heart and thoughts upon things above.

Take a moment and breath...  Try and be aware of God's kindness, His presence, His love that surrounds you always...

Focus

Where do you come from?  John 13:3  "He had come from God and was going back to God."

To answer and journal and discover the path that this question brings forth.  Where do you come from?  The truth is that before the foundations of the earth were laid we were known, we were loved, we were wanted.. we were desired.

John 10:28-30
and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. 29"My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. 30"I and the Father are one."…

To anchor myself into that truth as I then allow myself to touch what arises when I ask again, Where do I come from?  From a past of abuse and rejection, from times of trouble or pain.. From a Kingdom of light and truth and love?  Where do I come from?
What reality is more real to me?  That of the world, of my own life, or of the Kingdom?  Listen to your heart here and see what comes forth...

Journal

Acknowledge what comes up...

Hold it before the Lord

Ask His perspective upon what you feel, hear, sense...

Journal your own prayer to Him asking to make firm to you the reality of His love and His affections and that His joy is in you and His pleasure that you walk the face of the earth can never be measured....

You come forth from laughter... from Joy... He delights in you....

Life is fragile but I am not.....

My fingers spread out across my neck and rubbed my collar bone.  An intake of breath followed by a deep sigh.  Closing my eyes, my other hand found its path across my mouth and lips and I lowered my head and rested my chin upon my own flesh.

I just sat there.

Yes, the world still had an orbit.

Yes, time still moved forward.

Yes, life still went on.

But....

In those moments I knew that things would never again be the same.  In those moments I paused and within them became a holy hush, a solemn remembrance...  a most permanent of altars.  In those moments I touched Christ's garment, beheld the infant at the temple, and partook in the outpouring of His blood.  His healing, His birth, His redemption....  It is that which I need..

Moments of where the cries of Gethsemane, the sighs of the garden overtake me and I am left alone to say, "Not my will but yours be done."

It was a phrase that came forth out of my mouth in a quiet moment with a dear friend.  "I am not fragile," I said.  Those four words rocked my insides and the confession of them changed my perspective.

Maybe it is because of the abuse I walked through, or maybe it is because of the mental illness that once plagued my mind... But upon the pronouncement of those four words I felt their truth.  I felt their truth in ways I had never felt.  "I am not fragile," I repeated them.

I breathed them in and I breathed them out and as I exhaled and inhaled I realized how much I had believed to the contrary.  Their truth was hitting me liken to a rebirth and I let those four words sink deep within me... I am not fragile....

So tonight... I saw a picture of beauty emerging from ashes.  And again I heard, "I am not fragile."  I saw so very many pictures flash through my heart and my head, within seconds I wished I was a painter not a sculpture of words.   Images after images... drift wood upon a beach, newborn babes, an elderly woman's arm, smiles, tears, a man kneeling at an altar, a chapel on a hill at dusk covered in the new day's fog.

Beauty from Ashes....  "I am not fragile."

The reality of the gospel, the reality of the passionate pursuit of God, the all consuming reality of Father's desire, Creator's hunger for creation, the reality of beauty without blemish and the facts that nothing can diminish or take from me that love... "I am not fragile."

There are tender, holy moments held within the scope of a day, a time, a life......  There are tender, holy.. private or public moments that become outrageous moments of altar building, times when earth and heaven collide and the force of our Kingdom is manifested.  There are these public or private moments whether on display for all of heaven or all of earth that are forged within our being and I do believe that the cry that emerges is the truth.. that while this life may be fragile.. the children of God are not....

It is not this way among you.... I will play the part of the fool!

It is not this way among you....

No planning

No plotting

No scurrying

It is not this way among you...

No lording over

It is not this way among you...


My heart is strong and my thoughts cohesive.  My passion direct and my longing fervent.  There are no eloquent words  accompanying this charge.  A plea,  a heart felt plea... Love one another. There is no catch phrase or current popular saying that can be spoken in some profound manner as to move you. Love one another.

It is not this way among you....

When love is patient and kind and not seeking its own it is a force... a most powerful force to be reckoned with...

Fads within the church come and go... whether it is the 20somethings, or women, or the prophetic, or prophetic worship, intercession, seeker sensitive church planting.... Fads in the church come and go...  But beyond all fads.. beyond all 5 step plans for this, or 20 ways to become better at that; there is something more real and more tangible that people are so very hungry for...

Fads in the church come and go...  Words like authentic and transparent will be replaced in the next wave by the words that will fill out the coming fads that will prevail upon the church and its people.. its consumers...

Fads in the church come and go...

It is not this way among you................


I have said it before here...

The 2002 movie, The Four Feathers, is a movie that holds my heart in so very many ways..

From the lines that speak of not walking so proudly upon the earth, to the words that declare that paths cross and friendships are forged in the strangest of places within the deserts and battlefields of life, to the declarations of what is actually fought for in the moments when it matters....

You may be lost, but you are not forgotten. For those who have traveled far, to fight in foreign lands, know that the soldier's greatest comfort is to have his friends close at hand. In the heat of battle it ceases to be an idea for which we fight. Or a flag. Rather we fight for the man on our left, and we fight for the man on our right. And when armies are scattered and the empires fall away, all that remains is the memory of those precious moments that we spent side by side. (Jack Durrance Four Feathers)

Grand gestures fall away and what remains are the small and consistent, day by day realities of friendship, affection, love... What fills out the human heart is not the momentary exhilaration accompanying some snap shot of life... It is the daily recognition of love and friendship. It is the quiet moments, the moments of laughter, the moments of small private joys beheld by the few....

In previous days it was not ever the gatherings of the hundreds but the intimate settings afterwards or before, the "moments that we spent side by side."

One of my favorite scenes that I have never written about is from early on in the movie.  When before the drama begins to truly unfold, the friends are at a formal event and they escape the pomp and circumstance to be together upon the balcony.  The three friends.....  

For them it was not about ceremony... For them it was about each other.. The journey from beginning to end is that of friendship and discovery.

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"It is not this way among you..."

Those words, Jesus expresses in addressing his disciples as they try to find their place in the group.

25But Jesus called them to Himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26"It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,

In my home church in Virginia there is a lot of talk about the reality of ministry and relationship.  That is the  scripture that I keep meditating on, Matthew 20:25-26.

I've been in ministry for over two decades and in many different churches and organizations.  Where I am landing  these days as I sit and sip coffee with friends and share conversation over meals is how essential and important it is to find the path where it would be true that, "It is not this way among you."

IT IS NOT THIS WAY AMONG YOU...

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I am awakening ... My eyes are being open and my heart is becoming  stout.  I am ceasing to say that I am tired of things and speaking in longing and negativity.  I have set my heart and my eyes upon the prize for which I am called forth and I will be captivated.. and I will, with His grace, play the part of the fool and know nothing else but Christ and His love.. no .. not just His love.. His passion for me... I will play the part of the fool and stand upon His truth and within His gaze I will be lost forever more....

For in His words...  It is not this way among you... It is not our ways.. For we have looked to a better land and a place where The Servant is King of Kings and Lord of lords.