It isn't pretty church... It isn't pretty life... but it's life!

As he would express his heart for what he saw happening he would describe his desire for the people.  When within the confines of a Sunday morning expression things go off script. There isn't a problem.  The priority becomes what within that moment is upon the heart of God for His people. "It isn't pretty church," he would comment.

I was sitting in a coffee shop.  A woman walked in, she was perfect. Her clothes, make-up, hair... everything about this woman was put together. The woman I wash with spoke up and shared how to  her what just walked in was to be likened to a piece of art.  Our thoughts couldn't have been more opposite, I was thinking about how I hoped that what had her have everything perfect to the nth degree would find rest and healing.

I just recently told a friend  that my heart's desire was that we would have met  during a different season in my life.  What I realized this morning was I was saying that I wish we had met when everything was prettier, when I had the capacity to keep an exterior looking better even if there was an interior struggle.

In the  last few years I have had opportunity to lay a hold and a hold and a hold of the truth that in my weakness He is strong.  And when the opportunity that I was within would begin to subside right upon its heals time and time again another would follow.

Searching for equilibrium and reorientation each time but right before it felt like my gut could breath again another punch would land with it a new wave of disorientation and whatever poise or balance I had achieved was seemingly lost.

We've all heard it said that funny (not really) reality that there is no way the fruit of long suffering manifests without living out the suffering long... and living in the Western hemisphere I cringe at even using the word suffering. Upon looking up the definition however my heart landed on some truths.

I don't   know when this season ends... or if it does... I don't know what the next moments hold.. or what is held within them...  I don't know what tomorrow or the next month brings... I do know that situations and circumstances come and there are times in life when they come hard and wave after wave only seems like they are coming harder....

Not to be cliche but in these seasons we learn who we really are and what is really within us... and if we allow these seasons to do their work what does emerge is weakness... but a place for His strength to reside... death.. but a place for His life to be lived... poverty but a place for His wealth to bring transformation...

It isn't pretty but it is the most real I have ever felt... weepy and sad and broken and weak and poor and dead but comforted and healed and strong and rich and alive!

Nothing is fully right until they've been strengthened...

The sounds of rain falling fill my ears as tears stream down my face, my breath keeps getting caught in my chest .. My throat...

There is only one place in this moment ... That is where I go.. No words... No prayers... Just single minded effort..

Curling up like a tiny kitten I place myself in His lap and breath and cry...

There aren't any words not even the capacity to expend the energy to lift my head as to gaze into His eyes...

He is the lifter of my head and I wait upon Him... For the promise when weeping will cease and joy will arrive..

Curled up .. Not capable of moving .. Not capable of pushing aside this great ache...

Here.. He is my refuge.. My hiding place and no thought ... No action...

I'm His daughter and He takes my sadness seriously... I have daughters... I have sons.. When they are sad nothing is fully right until they've been strengthened..

In repentance and rest is your salvation
In quietness and confidence is your strength

Would the Revelatory Prostitutes Please.. Please .. Please sit down..

Would the revelatory prostitutes please sit down... Your actions and words betray the very essence of the heart beat of God

Ok I know that that is quite the opening statement... But the more I enter into this season and actually have my eyes opened wider my heart gains understanding I wish I had always walked in and ache to walk in all the more...

In these moments where kindness has exploded into the atmosphere and strength and joy gets imparted, my eyes are laid open to where in life I have both participated in and watched as people take that which they see and feel and know and exploit it for their own benefit... for their own building up instead of the building up of The Body and humanity.... The lifting up of a name of man instead of Christ....

As one who works with ministry as a livelihood I stepped back and took account of what it is we are doing and where it is that we are going and what is necessary and what would be the tables that Christ would come and knock down and cleanse...

I thought of the most intimate moments between my husband and I and how I don't go around broadcasting the details of such times to anyone who will listen however how many times do I/we take the experiences and visions and moments with the Lord and handle them carelessly instead of cherishing them as precious between the lover of my soul and myself....

As I processed these emotions this afternoon I began to separate out truth from falsehood.

There are places where in the sharing of such moments what is being expressed is the reality of the Kingdom of God and that these moments do indeed take place and are indeed precious. That in sharing when the Heavens are open and whether here or there sweet and beautiful transactions in the spirit do occur people's faith is built up and the hungry are fed and understanding comes forth.

However we all know the difference between those times and the times where we want to look good.. or we want to be the one that has the most profound revelation of the hour.. or and the list can go on and on... how absurd these thoughts and these behaviors...because the truth is we always carry the most profound revelation within ourselves and when we walk there and allow the realities of who it is that we most intrinsically are to flow forth everything changes.....

In these last few years the prophetic or revelatory lifestyle has changed for me.... The understanding of why we see and hear and feel and know has become all consuming... If the testimony of prophecy is Jesus and that which Jesus said about Himself was that He came not to condemn the world but to bring salvation and to birth within creation the understanding of the passion of our Father for us then anything we would ever walk in must meet that criteria.

Spiritual experiences and supernatural occurrences are reality... they are fire... and they will either mess with someone and burn them for life or they will ignite both the participate and the observer into life within the explosive reality of sonship and daughterhood. It is love.. it is kindness... it is generosity of action and behavior that must be always left as the most fantastical aspect to any sharing of experience or activity... If it misses that mark you are squandering your Father's wealth and prostituting the gifts He laid out for you....

Why see? Why hear? Why know? Why feel? It is so that the Kingdom of God is expressed in tangible and powerful ways... the litmus test must be the fruit.... has kindness so infected the atmosphere... has love so penetrated the hardest of soil.. do the hearers leave knowing that they are the sons and daughters of God or do they leave thinking that the speaker is and where do they lack? If that second is the case... it is not the failure of the people but the failure of the one who ministers.....

This season is for the building up of the Body so that all can mature into the headship of Christ and it is upon the sons and daughters of God in this time to grab a hold of the reality that the Body is made up of many parts and all are necessary.. not one more than the other....

Kindness at the Transfer Station Speaks More of Christ than A Million Best Preached Sermons

This morning I had a profound encounter with kindness and as the affects worked their way in and through me I navigated truths I have held onto for the longest of times and found myself repenting and hungry.....

We have been away the last two garbage days.. or maybe it was that garbage day fell both on Christmas and New Years this year and besides being away I hadn't taken the time to look up when pick up actually would be... so we were left with all these bags of garbage and needing to get them taken care of...

Having been sick and ever so weak I had left them  for a couple of days and this morning, in beginning to get my strength back, thought that I would go to the transfer station...

Loading the garbage bags into the car and heading over there I smiled to myself as this transfer station always has the kindest workers and it isn't a drudgery at all to have to go there. While that statement is beyond true for any encounter I have had with the numerous employees that work there I was not prepared for the interaction of gentle kindness and life giving mercies that were about to befall me....

Maybe it was that I looked haggard that this stranger would be so kind however  the way this older man looked it was more that kindness was upon him as a lifestyle. I parked the car and went around to the other side to get out the bags. The gentleman came over and took them from me and I returned to get the other one only for him to have followed to assist again.

He had been talking to a friend of his and after helping me he went back to his conversation... But prior to me leaving he looked up at me and wished me a good day. He went back to his conversation however again he would look up at me and again he would with extra words of kindness continue to express his hope that my day was a good one.

I was left startled..  There was something resonating in the words he spoke and as I pulled around I thought I must go back and tell that man thank you.... but the driveway wasn't conducive to making a U-turn and so I drove off. But marked by his kindness I just had to go back and thank him... so I drove up the road and turned around and headed back...

By the time I arrived again at the transfer station it was full with people.. and I felt weird about approaching this stranger in front of everyone and expressing my gratitude but if ever I felt the nudging of Holy Spirit it was in this moment....

He looked up and saw me and I started to walk over to him... He was old enough to be my grandfather and as I went up to him he met me, looking at him I began to speak, “thank you.. thank you for those extra words of kindness.. I had to come back.. I had to tell you that the time you took to simply wish me a good day and help me out meant a lot to me.”

In turn he spoke of how my coming back and taking the time to say thank you blessed him... We shared a tad bit more dialogue and it was apparent as he offered to keep me in his prayers that his faith branded him.  It was his nature... it was who he was.....

 He walked me back to my car and opened the door for me..I stood there and hugged him....  twenty minutes prior complete strangers and now assisting me to my car and  telling me once again he would keep me in his prayers, waiting as I sat down, closing the door behind me .. it was the reality of Christ in that parking lot of the transfer station...

It is the kindness of God that leads people to repentance...

It is His mercy that triumphs over judgment..

In these moments, where kindness exploded into the atmosphere and strength and joy was imparted, my eyes were laid open to the capacity of the Kingdom of God to lay a hold of a moment and to impart life... not a worker at a transfer station and not a house wife and mom but earthly representations of a God whose kindness had Him enter so very profoundly into humanity... walking out that representation into the lives of one another.....